heirofvoid
Member
- Dec 20, 2021
- 71
I already submitted my resignation letter last May but I had to render for 2 months. My last day at work will be on July 21. I honestly can't take this job anymore, it just drains the life out of me and I've never felt so devoid of emotion and passion. All I've been thinking about is work every second I'm awake to the point that when it's finally the weekend, I end up not knowing what to do. I know I did this to myself.
Ever since then my coworkers, friends, and family are asking about my future. Honestly, I still don't know what to fucking do. My coworkers are asking me if I'm already applying at other companies. How the fuck would I do that when I'm still going to work every day? I don't understand how that works and it's not like our leaves are getting approved so how the fuck do I even find the time and energy to apply? I know I should be doing that but I'm so exhausted every day. I need to sleep when I go home so I can work properly on my next shift.
My family is asking if I still want to go back to college. Honestly, I don't fucking know either! I've went AWOL twice in college so I can't guarantee that I'll continue it properly again. My friends are telling me to go back to college though because my family can still financially support my education but I'm scared that if I couldn't do it again, I would waste their money. I'm also scared that they'll be strictly monitoring me to make sure I continue my studies which will probably make me feel worse. They know I've been a good student..they know that. I've been a consistent honor student back then but I guess going AWOL from college erased that from their memories.
I just don't want to be evaluated? Not sure if that's the word. Idk I just hate proving myself to people. I don't want to prove myself anymore. I just want everyone to leave me alone and forget I exist. In short, I do want to die. I'm really not sure what the fuck I want. I know my family will say "Oh, you're still young. You'll figure that out." but they keep asking me if I'm ever going back to college and of course will rush me to pick a course again.
I told this to my friends yesterday and they wanted me to go back to. I couldn't say anything to them at all. I couldn't tell them why I even quit in the first place. I let them talk like what I always do. I think every time I say what's wrong, it's not a valid problem for anyone so I stay quiet and lie as much as possible.
I was thinking of finally doing it after a week of my last day but I honestly still don't have a foolproof method. If I still can't do it by then, I'd have to either find a job or go back to college and both of them are fucking stressful to me. I don't know what I want to do with my life! I just want to end it! I'm so tired. I don't even know why I fucking exist. I don't understand why I had to be born when I'm not contributing to anything. I'm not meant for anything. I shouldn't exist. I shouldn't have been born.
Ever since then my coworkers, friends, and family are asking about my future. Honestly, I still don't know what to fucking do. My coworkers are asking me if I'm already applying at other companies. How the fuck would I do that when I'm still going to work every day? I don't understand how that works and it's not like our leaves are getting approved so how the fuck do I even find the time and energy to apply? I know I should be doing that but I'm so exhausted every day. I need to sleep when I go home so I can work properly on my next shift.
My family is asking if I still want to go back to college. Honestly, I don't fucking know either! I've went AWOL twice in college so I can't guarantee that I'll continue it properly again. My friends are telling me to go back to college though because my family can still financially support my education but I'm scared that if I couldn't do it again, I would waste their money. I'm also scared that they'll be strictly monitoring me to make sure I continue my studies which will probably make me feel worse. They know I've been a good student..they know that. I've been a consistent honor student back then but I guess going AWOL from college erased that from their memories.
I just don't want to be evaluated? Not sure if that's the word. Idk I just hate proving myself to people. I don't want to prove myself anymore. I just want everyone to leave me alone and forget I exist. In short, I do want to die. I'm really not sure what the fuck I want. I know my family will say "Oh, you're still young. You'll figure that out." but they keep asking me if I'm ever going back to college and of course will rush me to pick a course again.
I told this to my friends yesterday and they wanted me to go back to. I couldn't say anything to them at all. I couldn't tell them why I even quit in the first place. I let them talk like what I always do. I think every time I say what's wrong, it's not a valid problem for anyone so I stay quiet and lie as much as possible.
I was thinking of finally doing it after a week of my last day but I honestly still don't have a foolproof method. If I still can't do it by then, I'd have to either find a job or go back to college and both of them are fucking stressful to me. I don't know what I want to do with my life! I just want to end it! I'm so tired. I don't even know why I fucking exist. I don't understand why I had to be born when I'm not contributing to anything. I'm not meant for anything. I shouldn't exist. I shouldn't have been born.