Question to people that had good parents

[endlessagony]

I wanted to wait till my mom dies because I don't want her to lose a son but damn I juste can't wait that long.

Do you plan to ctb when your parents are still alive ? If so, how do you cope with that ?

 

[DreamEnd]

yeah, i have loving parents but i cant go on like this. its hard but whats done is done. At some point the pain is too much to bear and you stop caring about even your loved ones. At leasts thats what its like for me. You can pm if you want.

 

[musicistheonlything]

Luckily, my mom's dying within a couple of years so I'm just holding out till then.
If I do reach the limit to resisting CTB while she's still alive, I don't think I'll care or think too much about it tbh. I've never had really bad urges to CTB so whatever makes me tick in the future must be pretty bad, in which case I don't think I'll stop myself.
Sure, my mom'll be devastated, but she's dying soon anyways. Who knows, it might be easier for her to die of grief than what's stored for her in the near future.

 

[uniqueusername39]

if i ctb while they're still alive, at least they have three more children to love.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

Peace is guaranteed regardless, You say you'd be worried but hey, endless oblivion for you.

And a big fuck you to those that brought you here.

 

[Flailure 513282]

I wanted to wait till my mom dies because I don't want her to lose a son but damn I juste can't wait that long.

Do you plan to ctb when your parents are still alive ? If so, how do you cope with that ?

My family is awesome, they've always done their best to support me. I hate being a burden on them, I'm a lost cause. If I die, I know they'll be sad, but at least they won't have to waste so much effort and resources on me. I feel awful though, I'd give anything to die without making them sad.

 

[SleepingLessons]

My parents are the main reason I'm still here to be honest, but I don't know if I can wait for them to pass away. They're still young, so there's the chance it could be 20-30+ years until they're both gone. I'm actually planning to talk to them in a few weeks and explain how I'm feeling and my wishes, as I feel like they deserve to know, and if I do go ahead it will make it less shocking. I know most people here are completely against telling anyone and I've been on the fence about it, but having talked with my therapist I think it's the right thing to do. I doubt that they'll have me sectioned, and if they do want that then I'll respect their wishes because they deserve that at least. May back out at the last minute but hopefully I'll have the strength to have that conversation.

 

[tams]

I do plan to CTB while they are still alive. I honestly just try to avoid thinking about the affect it will have on them. I have to block it out cause it's the only way I will be able to go through with it. Sadly, I resent having a good family cause it would make it that much easier to go if they didn't care.

 

[patheticgirl]

I love my parents dearly so I know they'll be strong enough to handle me being gone. They have another daughter and two grandchildren to take care of and to maintain them occupied while grieving. Of course they'll be okay without me! They've withstand a lot in life so I know they have the fortitude to go through my absence and they'll likely forget about me in a couple of years anyways so I have nothing to worry about.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't know what will happen in my case, I have no plans to leave in the near future as the reality is that suicide is barely even an option in this pro-suffering society. But I don't think that anyone is obligated to continue to delay the inevitable, if people don't wish to deal with loss then they shouldn't procreate, it's a personal decision deciding when to leave.

 

[todienomore]

Parents were my excuse for awhile but we had a falling out after they wouldnt listen to me on covid stuff. Havent seen em in a 2-3 years even though they live 2.5 hours away, have talked to them once on skype in that time. They have two other good kids who are married. They arent long for the world because they won't stop taking the vaccines. My mom nearly died from them, ended up with a pacemaker. Huge moral injury that went to the core of my life long cptsd.

 

[leap_from_life]

I wanted to wait till my mom dies because I don't want her to lose a son but damn I juste can't wait that long.

Do you plan to ctb when your parents are still alive ? If so, how do you cope with that ?

My mother is an alcoholic she didn't ever love me and its like that till this day, my father is caring but during my whole life he wasn't available for me as we lived in different places
I feel sorry for him but can't continue that

 

[pompompurin]

I wanted to wait till my mom dies because I don't want her to lose a son but damn I juste can't wait that long.

Do you plan to ctb when your parents are still alive ? If so, how do you cope with that ?

Personally I'm planning to ctb after my mum dies, she's the only person that truly cared about me my entire life and I don't want her to suffer a loss of a son

 

[Rumi]

I know most people here are completely against telling anyone and I've been on the fence about it, but having talked with my therapist I think it's the right thing to do. I doubt that they'll have me sectioned, and if they do want that then I'll respect their wishes because they deserve that at least. May back out at the last minute but hopefully I'll have the strength to have that conversation.

That must be some therapist you have, to allow you to talk about CTB without dobbing you in to the cops.

 

[azzy]

I wanted to wait till my mom dies because I don't want her to lose a son but damn I juste can't wait that long.

Do you plan to ctb when your parents are still alive ? If so, how do you cope with that ?

for me, i can't bear to hurt my parents in that way, but at the same time you get into an episode where the pain is just so great you stop caring about the people around you and just want to find a way out of this place. someone commented something similar, but this is my take on it, too, because there are times when you're on top of the mountains summit versus being at the plateau. in the end, when the pain gets so bad the worry kind of dissolved away for everything around you… as sad as it sounds.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I think I will end up CTB whilst my mother is still alive. I know it's a terrible thing to do to her but I lost my dad in my early 20s and no one really cared how that affected me, I was just expected to get on with it. I know people say losing a child is far worse, but that's the risk she took having kids. I never asked to be here or be put in this position, she's very strong and she loves life so she'll get over it.

 

[No_Lxve]

no matter if I die, they're going to have to cope with it one way or another. the pain is too much.


by the way. I am sorry to hear about your guy's parents. you guys/girls are strong.

 

[StolenLife]

I'm ctbing due to academic failure, social failure and trauma. I can't be alive in pain just because they want to keep up appearances.

 

[Twiceler]

I have good parents, they're alive. But I don't think about them much, when I'm "close to the edge". In my case I feel like my powerful ego stops me from ctb more, than any relationships in my current life, no matter how nice anyone treated me.

 

[SleepingLessons]

That must be some therapist you have, to allow you to talk about CTB without dobbing you in to the cops.

Honestly she really is exceptional, I got very lucky. Due to her views and some of the ways she approaches the therapeutic process I think she was hesitant to call, though she did contact my university. I would always encourage people to talk to their therapists about urges and thoughts of suicide, but to put out feelers first. 99% of therapists aren't going to call the police unless you have a solid plan, and that's easy to deny.

 

[miserabletires9]

i have 2 parents that loved me in the best way they knew how. But in the end, I feel more duty and responsiblity towards them then love. And even though I am their single kid, and they are almost 90 and 80, I just cannot go on anymore. I only hope that they can understand that I would be no longer in pain

 

[musicistheonlything]

I do plan to CTB while they are still alive. I honestly just try to avoid thinking about the affect it will have on them. I have to block it out cause it's the only way I will be able to go through with it. Sadly, I resent having a good family cause it would make it that much easier to go if they didn't care.

Completely agree with that last part, it sucks when they make a big deal out of your existence even though you didn't ask for it/don't want it.

 

[outrider567]

Definitely had good parents, but they're both gone

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I wanted to wait till my mom dies because I don't want her to lose a son but damn I juste can't wait that long.

Do you plan to ctb when your parents are still alive ? If so, how do you cope with that ?

I did. My mom would have been 100% alone and would have had a very hard time without me. And I'm NOT saying that I'm all that. She was a shut-in and had no way of getting groceries and whatever else she needed. I just took each day one by one. I was needed. It's good to be needed. Being needed can get one through a lot of hard times, at least in my experience it did.

 

[WeighAnchor]

My parents have always been supportive of me and want nothing else but for me to live and enjoy living. I've been trying to get better again after my most recent suicide attempt but well, I've ran into the same wall of not being able to help myself and not being helped by the "help" provided to me.

I know how hard it is to lose a close family member, and after everything my parents have tried to do for me, I know they'd be devastated. I think my mom particularly would not be able to get back to a normal life because of it. I don't really have a good answer for you; I think in my case personally, killing myself would be a very egotistical act. The thing is though, there's nothing in life I find enjoyment out of anymore, and I haven't for several years. I'm stuck with just drifting through every day while my mental state declines, getting more entrenched in my issues. I've tried to explain it to them, but it only served to make them worry more and message me several times a day for weeks, which only served to stress me out.

In the end, I think if they could see it from my perspective, they'd understand why I don't want to live. If they could experience my daily life as I do, they'd see how much I have to give just to get nothing out of it. Staying a live is something I do for their sakes, to not ruin their lives. Killing myself is something I'd do for myself. It's the last thing left when there's nothing else I can do purely for my own gain. Living for the sake of others just doesn't cut it in the long run, the torment you yourself have to go through every day whittles you down until you don't have the strength to run on empathy alone.

When I die it'll be the last favour I'll do for myself. The last time I treat myself.


TL, DR: Can't really cope with it, it's a win-lose situation. You get to a point where the shit you deal with is just too much, and the cost outweighs the gain. Unfortunately, they'll have to live with it, however they can manage.