Discussion Question : Have you been saved from CTB? And if so...

[SpecialK]

Have you been saved from ctb?
If yes, are you still mad at that person, or secretly mad?

Same if you were saved during your ctb, would you be mad at this person who's saving your life?

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Why I am asking this?

Last February, I had everything I needed to ctb, SN/Dmso/tegamet/Primperan and etc..
My girlfriend found my stuffs and confronted me and trashed all of it.

Since then I have moved with her, and I've seen many social worker, psychologist, been diagnosed ADHD, TPL, Anxiety and etc and I've been feeling miserable.

Last night I admitted to her that I was still secretly mad at her for what she did, for saving me. She understood. But she said she wouldn't have been feeling well with herself if she did nothing about it. I understand that as well. But yeah..

2 weeks ago I secretly ordered 4x orders of SN. To make sure I intercept at least one of the packages. At the very moment I receive one of them, I am ready to ctb. Hopefully next week or so..

I feel sorry for her, she did try to help me, ALOT! She love me and I love her. But I am miserable and I can't continue like this, I'm tired of persevering, everything seems so huge and complicated to overcome.

I'm feeling egoistic... For everyone's trying to help me and who is loving me and caring. But I've accumulated so many bad choices since I'm young, and I have a shit life today. I can't continue..

 

[Spock87]

I wouldn't say mad really more like you make my life miserable am going to make your life miserable

 

[Hadenuf]

No not mad one of my son's saved me but I still want to ctb

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

Yeah. My wife found me passed out with my note safety pinned to my shirt. I had planned to leave the house and hang, but after downing quite a bit of Xanax, I didn't make it to the door.

I went through a lot of emotions at that time. Confused, when she found me and woke me up by kicking me in the ribs. I had been snoring and smiling and this really pissed her off. Then I started trying to spin my way out of a trip to the ER which I was amazingly successful at.

So I wouldn't say I hated her for saving me. I fucked up and she caught me. But she hid my meds and when you're used to taking anti-anxiety meds whenever you need them, it can cause some distress. She also was very inconsiderate in the aftermath. She said, "What do you even have to be sad about?" as if that had anything to do with it. Later she yelled at me because she said she felt like she could never express her true feelings or I might CTB. The irony is she greatly overestimated her relevance. My attempt was purely to scratch an itch, to follow through on a constant urge I had to CTB.

So mad, not for "saving" me, but for being a bitch about it and not trying to understand, just worrying how she'd survive without my income or health insurance.

 

[Kotochan]

Yeah. My wife found me passed out with my note safety pinned to my shirt. I had planned to leave the house and hang, but after downing quite a bit of Xanax, I didn't make it to the door.

I went through a lot of emotions at that time. Confused, when she found me and woke me up by kicking me in the ribs. I had been snoring and smiling and this really pissed her off. Then I started trying to spin my way out of a trip to the ER which I was amazingly successful at.

So I wouldn't say I hated her for saving me. I fucked up and she caught me. But she hid my meds and when you're used to taking anti-anxiety meds whenever you need them, it can cause some distress. She also was very inconsiderate in the aftermath. She said, "What do you even have to be sad about?" as if that had anything to do with it. Later she yelled at me because she said she felt like she could never express her true feelings or I might CTB. The irony is she greatly overestimated her relevance. My attempt was purely to scratch an itch, to follow through on a constant urge I had to CTB.

So mad, not for "saving" me, but for being a bitch about it and not trying to understand, just worrying how she'd survive without my income or health insurance.

Oh no i relate to you too much :(. My ex gf was always saying that they were afraid to say anything because i might hurt myself. But they don't realise that I've never done that.. I couldnt convince them of that though.. They said a lot of hurtful things and implied that i was always only attempting because i knew I'd be saved.

Now I'm alone and i don't feel like reaching out anymore :/

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

I am very mad at the person who saved me as they killed themselves months later so now i'm without them when I could of had freedom. I don't understand how you can stop someone when you have plans to do the same. They were my everything and now i'm alone without them.

 

[Kodama]

Everytime i see / speak / hug / kiss my children, they save me one more day ...

 

[kkatt]

I think there is an instinctive response to try and save someone you care about,from themself
Saying that,I was recently rescued by a former member of this community
He was honest with me and said he just ,selfishly,couldn't bear to lose me.
I appreciate honesty over everything else so I still talk to him,but I am far from forgiving him,especially as I consider him responsible for the damage to my brain and heart. He knew I would only use a method that would probably do irreversible damage if interrupted.
The only up side is that I am still capable of taking another go at it.