Putting Others 1st

[Chockles]

I feel so guilty all the time full of regret for things I could have done better in life. I know I need to die im now on the case to acquiring N. I'm in physical agony 24/7 with permanent nerve damage to skull & connective tissues.

Yet I'm staying with my elderly parents who aren't coping with my need to die. Accept it but don't want to. I never spent enough time with my family until now & it's too late now me bed ridden. I never expected my life to end up like this. Never imagined in less than a year it could become unbearable to live. I always had some issues but nothing that warranted me wanting to die 24hrs a day every day.


Yet I'm still trying to please them while I wait to end my life Helping mum with her pc issues, then tonight they discovered a leak in the roof & she's crying saying she couldn't cope without me or dad. And now I feel guilty again tho it's not my fault I have an incurable torturous physical ilness. She doesn't want me suffering but I know she & dad don't want me to die. I know they won't cope. U should be burying them not the other way round. Will I be able to overcome SI when I get N despite my debilitating pain I feel ill still be lying in agony choking on my own phlegm unable to go through with it due to guilt. I need to find a way to put myself 1st & stop worrying about how it'll affect them. I just wish I weren't the only child. I wish I had shown them how much I love them much earlier in life before it was too late. I get so emotional seeing them upset & knowing I'm contributing to their inability to cope.

 

[meetapple]

I know what it's like to have concerns about how parents will react after CTB. But perhaps you could reiterate in your note that you were in great pain and that it was not their fault.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. Of course we have the right to exit this life at a time of our own choosing. It would be selfish for others to expect us to suffer against our wishes. However I understand the feelings of guilt and not wanting to upset others. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Chockles]

I know what it's like to have concerns about how parents will react after CTB. But perhaps you could reiterate in your note that you were in great pain and that it was not their fault.

It's the loving with them & regret for not spending more time with them in happier circumstances being the dutiful daughter when I was able They know I'm in pain don't want to see me suffering but I guess no one can quite understand how extreme pain can be when they've never had major health problems themselves I intend to leave them a note when I ctb telling them how much I've always loved them & none of this their fault etc.

 

[Kennish]

I feel so guilty all the time full of regret for things I could have done better in life. I know I need to die im now on the case to acquiring N. I'm in physical agony 24/7 with permanent nerve damage to skull & connective tissues.

Yet I'm staying with my elderly parents who aren't coping with my need to die. Accept it but don't want to. I never spent enough time with my family until now & it's too late now me bed ridden. I never expected my life to end up like this. Never imagined in less than a year it could become unbearable to live. I always had some issues but nothing that warranted me wanting to die 24hrs a day every day.


Yet I'm still trying to please them while I wait to end my life Helping mum with her pc issues, then tonight they discovered a leak in the roof & she's crying saying she couldn't cope without me or dad. And now I feel guilty again tho it's not my fault I have an incurable torturous physical ilness. She doesn't want me suffering but I know she & dad don't want me to die. I know they won't cope. U should be burying them not the other way round. Will I be able to overcome SI when I get N despite my debilitating pain I feel ill still be lying in agony choking on my own phlegm unable to go through with it due to guilt. I need to find a way to put myself 1st & stop worrying about how it'll affect them. I just wish I weren't the only child. I wish I had shown them how much I love them much earlier in life before it was too late. I get so emotional seeing them upset & knowing I'm contributing to their inability to cope.

I understand your pain. I also feel guilt about the ones I'm leaving, but I also need to put myself first, because I cannot stand life anymore. It's exhausting having OCD. I don't feel home in my own body.