Venting Pushing everyone away

[mob]

I didn't even realize it until now.

I've been on antidepressants for over a month now, and it makes me feel insanely odd. Not better, just weird. I told my psychiatrist I'm better, I don't think about CTB just so that she'd leave me alone. I lied to everyone, and began pushing the people who want to help me away gradually.

I stopped replying to texts, my partner and I are about to break up after three years of being together. I feel so angry and frustrated. I rarely go outside unless I have to - for example, work - and even then I make myself look as unapproachable as possible. I keep missing my therapist appointments, my doctor appointments.

But I didn't realize it until now. I just thought those were mistakes I've been making, but I've been pushing everyone away. My ctb thoughts never left and no antidepressant, money, love, or whatever ever will truly make it disappear. I've said this before and I'll say it again; I truly think I'm not meant to live.

 

[tired0zymandias]

as a very extrovert person. I also doing that. I push people away. I'm the one who creating the cause and now I feel abandoned. Meanwhile I need their energy to goes on every day until my ctb days are coming.