I never understood before why people would want to ctb. Lately I finally understand how others get to that point and can empathize.
It's not necessarily a chemical imbalance. Sometimes people just decide that resting forever is a better alternative than enduring constant pain, anxiety, suffering, torment. They try everything and at their best, but sometimes the wind just blows against them harder and harder, despite their efforts.
In my world, horror after horror has taken place. My mother had a doctor convicted of malpractice do surgery on her that gave her a life threatening brain infection, where she has had others since and she is extremely disabled. I spent years doing my best to save her life and build my own life at the same time. The initial malpractice has ruined her body and she goes up and down.
I entrusted my father to manage business while I was trying to save her life for so long. I told him to do the right things and leave me with something to look forward to with his expertise. All he ended up doing was use it for his own lavishness and gain and leave me with a big legal mess I discovered since he went to jail. I believe part of it was his own sadness from things not working out with his ex wife and screwing him over with finances and custody. I told him many times to do everything right and leave me with something to look forward to when my mothers situation calmed down. He just told me not to worry. On top of it during this time my favorite pet I ever owned died, who loved me unconditionally during my worst and my best, and many of my friends and associates are going through suffering. I'm now alone and hurting financially and watching my country and this society just get worse. Not to mention at this point the authorities and others are seemingly starting to go after me legally, due to my father's actions. All while I just tried caring for my poor mother.
To top it all off, I have a chronic illness, that I spent years making it negligible, to now resurface its ugly head from all the stress.
I've seen others who I thought would at least be there a little bit completely neglect me or try to take advantage of me during this situation.
I see no way out of my situation. I tried everything. All thats left is a future of greater suffering and torment. Existing is just a place of stress, worry, anxiety, sadness. Is this what this existence should be all about?
The fact that people expect others to live just to suffer is extremely cruel. Either people should be permitted to have the choice to ctb or society should give an option to make their time tolerable, when their efforts have been to do the right and moral actions.
The fact is what leads people to these states is not always craziness. No amount of doping or talking to would cure someone from society tormenting them with situations completely out of control continuously. Much of the time these predicaments are situational.
We put down pets that are suffering at the vet because it's believed to be humane. Why are humans the exception?
I've never wanted to ctb, but now I logically understand how people can reach that point. I think many have never been through real hell, and make their own judgments from pre conceived notions of comfort and moral high ground.
"Don't worry", "it'll be fine", "it'll get better". Stop telling people that. Sometimes it just gets worse, not everything always gets better.
It's not necessarily a chemical imbalance. Sometimes people just decide that resting forever is a better alternative than enduring constant pain, anxiety, suffering, torment. They try everything and at their best, but sometimes the wind just blows against them harder and harder, despite their efforts.
In my world, horror after horror has taken place. My mother had a doctor convicted of malpractice do surgery on her that gave her a life threatening brain infection, where she has had others since and she is extremely disabled. I spent years doing my best to save her life and build my own life at the same time. The initial malpractice has ruined her body and she goes up and down.
I entrusted my father to manage business while I was trying to save her life for so long. I told him to do the right things and leave me with something to look forward to with his expertise. All he ended up doing was use it for his own lavishness and gain and leave me with a big legal mess I discovered since he went to jail. I believe part of it was his own sadness from things not working out with his ex wife and screwing him over with finances and custody. I told him many times to do everything right and leave me with something to look forward to when my mothers situation calmed down. He just told me not to worry. On top of it during this time my favorite pet I ever owned died, who loved me unconditionally during my worst and my best, and many of my friends and associates are going through suffering. I'm now alone and hurting financially and watching my country and this society just get worse. Not to mention at this point the authorities and others are seemingly starting to go after me legally, due to my father's actions. All while I just tried caring for my poor mother.
To top it all off, I have a chronic illness, that I spent years making it negligible, to now resurface its ugly head from all the stress.
I've seen others who I thought would at least be there a little bit completely neglect me or try to take advantage of me during this situation.
I see no way out of my situation. I tried everything. All thats left is a future of greater suffering and torment. Existing is just a place of stress, worry, anxiety, sadness. Is this what this existence should be all about?
The fact that people expect others to live just to suffer is extremely cruel. Either people should be permitted to have the choice to ctb or society should give an option to make their time tolerable, when their efforts have been to do the right and moral actions.
The fact is what leads people to these states is not always craziness. No amount of doping or talking to would cure someone from society tormenting them with situations completely out of control continuously. Much of the time these predicaments are situational.
We put down pets that are suffering at the vet because it's believed to be humane. Why are humans the exception?
I've never wanted to ctb, but now I logically understand how people can reach that point. I think many have never been through real hell, and make their own judgments from pre conceived notions of comfort and moral high ground.
"Don't worry", "it'll be fine", "it'll get better". Stop telling people that. Sometimes it just gets worse, not everything always gets better.
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