Pulling my partner down with me

[destiny]

Me and my romantic partner have been going through a rough time. When we met 12 years ago we where young, depressed, fresh out of the mental health care system which had traumatized us both (forced institutionalizations, misuse of power, questionable therapeutic practices, etc). Together we have grown a lot over the years. I have always supported her where others didn't believe in her, encouraged her to keep on growing and improving herself. At this point most of her live seems on tracks and she's ready to battle her demons from the past. Even though I did also grow over those years, I feel that some aspects of me have remained stuck where they where 12 years ago (BPD and recurring depression). I feel like she's outgrown me, and I'm happy for her, but now I'm holding her back. Her future is bright while I'm destined to keep struggling with these damn mental health demons.

Last night she told me this (paraphrasing):

"For as long as I know you [12 years] you've had these depressive episodes. Each time I lean on to the idea that they will end, that you will start to feel better. Each time they did. But now... You've been deeply depressed for so long [2 years]... I try to remain hope. Maybe that's naive of me. I try to hang on, but I can't quite do it anymore. That makes me angry with myself..."

But then when I asked if she wants to break up she refuses. She doesn't want to let me go, even though she admitted she can't hold on. I can see her mental health deteriorating. I'm pulling her down with me and don't know what to do.

 

[Makko]

Don't do anything particular. She choses to stay which means she accepts you and the situation for what it is.

 

[logan]

You help each other in a difficult situation.

Of course, your condition changes at different rates.
One of you will need a little longer.

Stick together and get through this together. Your relationship will grow and support you.

 

[destiny]

Dude shes fkin someone else xD

1. not a dude
2. yes she is and that's fine
3. I don't see how you got that from my post

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

1. not a dude
2. yes she is and that's fine
3. I don't see how you got that from my post

It's fine that she is fucking someone else?

 

[destiny]

It's fine that she is fucking someone else?

Yes, we're polyamorous.

 

[Worndown]

The thread has wandered.
Knowing she feels like this is there a way you can spend more effort on your issues? She should be supportive if you let her.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Whenever I am stuck in a depressive episode, my brain throws in thoughts about doing something to alienate myself from whoever still keeps contact with me. The pretense of being a weight on somebody is a recurring theme in those. The results of acting on those have only brought misery to everyone involved.

I suggest believing in your partner's ability to make choices regarding who they're with. Don't abandon them under the pretense of care. If they truly can't stand being with you anymore, they'll leave eventually.