Psych ward. Please help me. I am not insane. All I wanted was to die..

[Whale_bones]

I've been calm the entire time I've been here. That's not the issue. It's the fact of 'proving' I'm safe alone yet I've lived my life alone, and haven't tried to kill myself everyday (sarcasm, obviously I haven't, how stupid are they).

I'm not on any psych meds at all, my mood isn't an issue, hence why I'm not on meds or relaxants etc - not the issue - it's trauma, and they know and agree. I have tried two different calming meds but that was when I first got here and they didn't do shit, so no point trying again and again.

I can easily fake calmness. I internalise everything - always have, it's how I've survived. Little do they know. Fawning is how I've survived.

I just want to get out of this fucking prison

You don't deserve ANY of this. Your autonomy and dignity should be fully respected, number 1 because you're a human being, and even more so because you've already been through trauma. You deserve to live safely and freely while making the decisions that are best for yourself- which only you can know.

We have some things in common with our life stories, and the ability to put on a mask of calmness while holding everything inside. Remind yourself that you hold all your power, knowledge, creativity, everything that's "you" deep inside, and none of the people around you can take that from you. They can't even get close to touching it! You have that locked safely inside. Trust your judgment over their words; their talk is cheap while your knowledge of yourself is valuable.

While appearing calm is an important survival skill, unfortunately I've found that some (bad) MH professionals will actually want to keep you there longer, essentially because you're not unpleasant to be around and not causing problems like many others. Hopefully they are just running out the clock on the 4 weeks like they've said, and you can go when that time's up.

But if they try to change it and come up with an excuse for keeping you longer, don't hesitate to put your foot down and try out some of the resources that people have mentioned on this thread. They're putting you through enough with the 4 weeks, you shouldn't have to go through that in the first place, but definitely shouldn't have to stay longer than that. Sending you as much strength as I can muster

Hello everyone,

I am French, I registered on this site because I am lost. I really want to end it, I have been depressed for 10 years but I had never felt the urge to leave. But since last July I have developed lupus which is ruining my life on many levels. I no longer have the strength, I want to leave but I don't know how, I really can't hold on anymore.
Sorry for my English

Thank you all for listening!!

Welcome to the forum! I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point, but you'll find many understanding and kind people here. I suggest you make a new thread to introduce yourself or talk about any topics you wish to, as this thread is focused on @MyTimeIsUp and their situation.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

You don't deserve ANY of this. Your autonomy and dignity should be fully respected, number 1 because you're a human being, and even more so because you've already been through trauma. You deserve to live safely and freely while making the decisions that are best for yourself- which only you can know.

We have some things in common with our life stories, and the ability to put on a mask of calmness while holding everything inside. Remind yourself that you hold all your power, knowledge, creativity, everything that's "you" deep inside, and none of the people around you can take that from you. They can't even get close to touching it! You have that locked safely inside. Trust your judgment over their words; their talk is cheap while your knowledge of yourself is valuable.

While appearing calm is an important survival skill, unfortunately I've found that some (bad) MH professionals will actually want to keep you there longer, essentially because you're not unpleasant to be around and not causing problems like many others. Hopefully they are just running out the clock on the 4 weeks like they've said, and you can go when that time's up.

But if they try to change it and come up with an excuse for keeping you longer, don't hesitate to put your foot down and try out some of the resources that people have mentioned on this thread. They're putting you through enough with the 4 weeks, you shouldn't have to go through that in the first place, but definitely shouldn't have to stay longer than that. Sending you as much strength as I can muster



Welcome to the forum! I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point, but you'll find many understanding and kind people here. I suggest you make a new thread to introduce yourself or talk about any topics you wish to, as this thread is focused on @MyTimeIsUp and their situation.

I know exactly what you meant. I'm not *too* calm, don't worry.

Several members of staff have already admitted I shouldn't have been here for this long, and it does make patients worse. Especially trauma patients. I am going fucking insane in here. I'm losing my fucking mind

I've been putting my foot down, and will continue to do so. I have found that also - they haven't actually got a reason to keep me here. I asked why I'm still here and they said because I have to 'prove' I'm safe at home. I've lived on my own my entire life. So they've taken my freedom and independence, now what?

They've already broken me, but I'm not showing it. Absolutely fucking disgusting how we are treated. All the patients are going insane from being locked up, understandably. Staff expect you to be fine when you're locked away all the time. Most of the staff are really lovely and caring, but a select few are horrible and treat you like a nut case.

I honestly can't cope in here. My physical heath has deteriorated as well. Rapidly. I just feel so broken. I'm 10x traumatised than I was and let me tell you... I was ALREADY a VERY traumatised individual. My life has been nothing but trauma from before I was even fucking born. I don't know how to cope in here anymore. But I know I have to

Staff have been saying I'll be discharged soon and likely able to go home next week. I doubt it.

My doctor barely says two words to me. He is a REAL DICKHEAD. How the fuck is he a medical director? Christ. Absolutely shocking. Doesn't come across as a top consultant tbh.

I miss my freedom. The plan is to go home, have a lovely meal, a nice hot bath, music, candles. Do a few things for a bit, and then I'm going.

Sorry to go on about this, I'm just so broken. They've fucked me. I was already fucked. They've implied it is done on purpose.

This shit shouldn't exist. A person's rights should not be taken just because they want to die. Fuck off. I can't even articulate the way I used to be able to. I'm beyond broken. The old me has gone now.

Hope you have a good one

Thanks for mentioning that (about the irrelevant post on here), I appreciate it. It makes me feel validated. Shit this was long. Sorry. I only started posting when I got to the psych ward, I never did before. Just need support I guess. Won't get it anywhere else.

********************************* it won't let me add a separate comment, so this is for everyone:

Thanks to everyone that gives a shit. Those that have taken the time to reply, or even read means so much to me. I've never felt important or wanted. I've never felt such warmness from so many people

I appreciate you, SaSu family ♥ I honestly don't know what I would've done if this site didn't exist. Thanks so much for treating me like a person

 

[SilentSadness]

This really is insane, it's very eye opening that this is legal. The people responsible for things like this should have consequences, but instead they are allowed to continue abusing their power, again and again. Sadly there is so much gaslighting and it's easy to get bullied into submission. People have no sympathy for suicidal people. I think most people would be okay with sectioned people being beaten until they say they won't ctb. It's also inexcusable if you were sectioned without illness, that's malpractice and will certainly lead to harm. I hope you weren't irrecoverably damaged by this experience, thank you for this warning to everyone.

 

[marshmallowfluff]

They do argue, yes, but that's why your solicitor and the tribunal dr/lay member/judge is there. The staff on your ward also don't have crystal balls, so they can't comment on whether or not you'd get out. No one on my ward expected me to get off my s3 at my last tribunal but I did. Everyone was saying I needed 24 hour carers at home and couldn't live in the community cos the risk was too high - what a load of shite that all turned out to be. We're now living at independent living placements. All I am say that if they do extend to a s3 (hopefully they don't), appeal when you can.

The assessment on s2 is general ward assessment, so whatever they see on a daily basis. Unfortunately they can say and write what they want about you. There is no specific assessment where they sit down with you and ask questions, apart from your ward rounds. They might get the ward psychologist to come and see you, but hardly any acute wards have these now. Mental hospitals are the worst places now. I dunno how people recover in them, they're not at all therapeutic environments. Loud, busy, chaotic, and nothing to do, with shit food. I hear you on the trauma… you see and hear things you should never have to

Remember they're not all your enemies. Some of the staff do care. It's not a well paying job and they're overworked and understaffed. It's a horrible horrible environment to be in as a patient and you do have the right to keep yourself to yourself, but cutting them off and not even engaging in general conversation with them will get you shitty treatment and doctors saying you're anti social and paranoid… been there done that.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

They do argue, yes, but that's why your solicitor and the tribunal dr/lay member/judge is there. The staff on your ward also don't have crystal balls, so they can't comment on whether or not you'd get out. No one on my ward expected me to get off my s3 at my last tribunal but I did. Everyone was saying I needed 24 hour carers at home and couldn't live in the community cos the risk was too high - what a load of shite that all turned out to be. We're now living at independent living placements. All I am say that if they do extend to a s3 (hopefully they don't), appeal when you can.

The assessment on s2 is general ward assessment, so whatever they see on a daily basis. Unfortunately they can say and write what they want about you. There is no specific assessment where they sit down with you and ask questions, apart from your ward rounds. They might get the ward psychologist to come and see you, but hardly any acute wards have these now. Mental hospitals are the worst places now. I dunno how people recover in them, they're not at all therapeutic environments. Loud, busy, chaotic, and nothing to do, with shit food. I hear you on the trauma… you see and hear things you should never have to

Remember they're not all your enemies. Some of the staff do care. It's not a well paying job and they're overworked and understaffed. It's a horrible horrible environment to be in as a patient and you do have the right to keep yourself to yourself, but cutting them off and not even engaging in general conversation with them will get you shitty treatment and doctors saying you're anti social and paranoid… been there done that.

There's no reason for me to continue to stay. I'm only on twice an hour checks now and I'll allowed on the grounds by myself. I've put things in place (support) for when I get home, but I don't need it.

I'm not sure where you got that I don't engage with staff? I didn't say I don't engage with staff. I speak to staff daily and other patients.. I literally spend time talking to them. Obviously you misunderstood what I said, somehow. I literally stated how lovely some of the staff are. I didn't say all the staff are dicks. I said most are lovely.

It isn't my problem they are underpaid. Don't work in mental health if you can't be a decent person. Simple. I'm a fucking person at the end of the day, not a fucking machine. Boo hoo cry me a river. Feel sorry for the staff.. not the patient that is treated like shit..yeah, that makes perfect sense. Sounds about right. Never about the patient.

So, the patient has to take being treated like a piece of fucking shit.*by staff*, nice to everyone, gets on with everyone, everyone loves the patient, but... you want me to think about their fucking problems? Fuck no. Staff have already told me their fucking problems.

I have done *nothing* but listen to their bullshit. I have done *nothing* wrong here. I have complied with all their fucking rules. I don't bitch. All I do is *express* myself in a *calm*, *decent* way, like anyone would. I am not the fucking problem here and don't fucking imply I am.

I don't need this shit from you as well. All I asked was for support and you act like the staff are the fucking victims in this? Really? I hope the next time you comment on a post like this, you actually put the person first, not the actual thing that is hurting that individual (staff). Kindly fuck off now. Thanks. Fuck me, when I thought there was somewhere I could go, turns out there isn't.

 

[marshmallowfluff]

Woah! I don't know where you're getting that from? I'm completely on your side! Don't forget I am in the system/in hospital too.

I am glad you are standing up for your rights and telling them what you want and need, because that's how you get out. I was just suggesting that you keep talking, especially to the staff that you like. If i carried on NOT talking I wouldn't be informal now.

Patients do get treating like shit and I was validating your experience of having a traumatic time on the ward and a dr who's a knob. I didn't say or even suggest that you were a problem. Some psychiatrists are horrendous and are on a bad bad power trip. My previous consultant was also the medical director - god knows how he got to that position!

I was trying to help but I won't respond again. I hope you get out of hospital soon. Good luck moving forward

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Update:

Came off section yesterday and discharged. Had to wait for transport so leaving this morning, and I'm really far from home.

All this has come about because I've been fighting for myself and the mental health advocate. I've been pushing and pushing

All staff told me I'm the sanest in here, which I already knew. I can tell. All staff were baffled why I was here for so long, and why I was here really.

I've decided to stick around for a bit longer. I appreciate things more, that's for sure. All the things in life we take for granted and we don't even realise until it's taken away. Basic essentials. I'll never do it again. I'll also never tell a soul how I feel, because after this, I trust absolutely no one. And I already had severe trust issues.

I lied to the doctor to get out, and said it was a good thing - what I needed etc. I'm good with words, especially when I need to get out of a situation - it is how I survived my incredibly abusive childhood and adulthood.

I've been struggling to articulate for a while, so I don't know how I managed to say what I needed to the doctor yesterday.

This whole ordeal has left me incredibly traumatised, and I already was a very traumatised individual from being abused practically from birth. One day I'll tell you my story.

I wanted to sincerely apologise to those that I attacked. I am ever so sorry - I honestly felt like the entire world was against me. It really felt that way. When you're locked up, it does. It feels like no one cares for you, and you're more alone than you've ever been. I promise I'm not a nasty individual - I'm quite the opposite, but I've been backed in a corner with all my rights and liberties stripped from me and it has broken me, stripped me down as a person. I feel like a shell of the old me now, and I already was, but I'm able to hide it really well.

I'm really sorry for those I verbally attacked. I promise you it is very out of character. Please forgive me. I know you were trying to help, but all I saw was red mist.

I wish you all the best in whatever you decided to do with your lives. I wish you peace in whatever way that comes for you

Please remember: you do not want to be sectioned. Trust me. It is different if you're psychotic and are a danger to others or yourself - that I understand. But for wanting to die? No. And they won't help you. I've had absolutely no meds and no form of treatment.

The hospital and community team will check in with me in the following days. Not looking forward to that. I'm fine now. I just want to be at home, lock myself in where I'm safe and no one can get me.

 

[alltoomuch2]

Ask to speak to an Independent Mental Health Advocate.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/sectioning/my-rights/

I came here to say this. Very good advice.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Thank you to all of you that gave a shit, it means the world to me

I forgot to add that in my previous comment

Your kind words kept me going. Even if it was merely a reaction, it made me feel less alone - that someone actually read it and cared - even if they couldn't comment. Just knowing someone gives a shit, really helps

I think I would've lost it in here if I didn't have that. I almost did. The key is to remain calm, even if inside you want to hurt someone out of anger (totally normal, we've all been there) - but it gets you nowhere, and it'll make you look nuts - even though you're not - you're merely locked in for so long and reacted.

Never let anyone bring you down

Never let anyone try to convince you you're crazy. You know yourself. The doctor told lies about me in here and I will be disputing this if I have the energy. Don't want that shit on my notes when I pass away. I am of *sound* mind, just fucked up. Aren't we all in a way?

I hope everyone's day goes ok at least. If you ever have any questions about being sectioned, don't hesitate to ask

Lots of love. Love you guys thanks so much again x

I came here to say this. Very good advice.

If you read my most recent comment, you'd know I've already done it and that's what essentially got me off section, and the mental health nurse was fighting for me - and I was for myself. It's over now, I'm going home shortly

 

[whywere]

I am so very happy for you.

You are one of the kindest and loving soul around and for you to be home is just fantastic!

Hearing that you are not only doing great but home really made my day 100% better.

Lots of love, hugs and the knowledge that you are a very important spirit, and I am so darn lucky to have you as a good friend.

Walter

 

[alltoomuch2]

One comes on the ward each week but I don't trust them. How can I? I'm going to dispute everything, but my physical health is rapidly declining so I don't know. I'm normally a very healthy person but not anymore, not since coming in here. From the moment I arrived. No, I'm not on psych meds

Thank you to all of you that gave a shit, it means the world to me

I forgot to add that in my previous comment

Your kind words kept me going. Even if it was merely a reaction, it made me feel less alone - that someone actually read it and cared - even if they couldn't comment. Just knowing someone gives a shit, really helps

I think I would've lost it in here if I didn't have that. I almost did. The key is to remain calm, even if inside you want to hurt someone out of anger (totally normal, we've all been there) - but it gets you nowhere, and it'll make you look nuts - even though you're not - you're merely locked in for so long and reacted.

Never let anyone bring you down

Never let anyone try to convince you you're crazy. You know yourself. The doctor told lies about me in here and I will be disputing this if I have the energy. Don't want that shit on my notes when I pass away. I am of *sound* mind, just fucked up. Aren't we all in a way?

I hope everyone's day goes ok at least. If you ever have any questions about being sectioned, don't hesitate to ask

Lots of love. Love you guys thanks so much again x

If you read my most recent comment, you'd know I've already done it and that's what essentially got me off section, and the mental health nurse was fighting for me - and I was for myself. It's over now, I'm going home shortly

Oh I'm so very happy to hear that. Xxxx

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

How are so many people on this site able to access the internet in the ward? No such chance when I was admitted

 

[wren-briar]

How are so many people on this site able to access the internet in the ward? No such chance when I was admitted

I wasn't.

I could "check out" my phone, have it on a counter (i.e. no holding it in my hand), look up a phone number, write that phone number down (with a golf pencil that was duller and stubber than words can possibly describe), and then have my phone checked back in, while I was made my phone call from the single phone that was accessible...



BUT THE ONE PHONE -THE SINGULAR PHONE AVAILABLE FOR EVERY PRISONER IN THAT HELLHOLE- WAS F'ING BROKEN!

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I am so very happy for you.

You are one of the kindest and loving soul around and for you to be home is just fantastic!

Hearing that you are not only doing great but home really made my day 100% better.

Lots of love, hugs and the knowledge that you are a very important spirit, and I am so darn lucky to have you as a good friend.

Walter

Thanks Walter, that's very kind of you to say.

I'm waiting for the crisis team to come and see me as it's their policy after leaving hospital. Wish they'd fuck off and leave me alone

I'm not in a good place right now. I think I'm reliving some things the hospital forced out of me while I was in there, but I'll be ok. I just need some time to readjust, I think

Thanks again x

How are so many people on this site able to access the internet in the ward? No such chance when I was admitted

I wasn't.

I could "check out" my phone, have it on a counter (i.e. no holding it in my hand), look up a phone number, write that phone number down (with a golf pencil that was duller and stubber than words can possibly describe), and then have my phone checked back in, while I was made my phone call from the single phone that was accessible...



BUT THE ONE PHONE -THE SINGULAR PHONE AVAILABLE FOR EVERY PRISONER IN THAT HELLHOLE- WAS F'ING BROKEN!

All psych wards are different. Some patients aren't allowed their phones. For example, if you're recording someone, you will be banned from it. (naturally). Or if you do something to jeopardise having a phone, they will take it from you.

It depends what you're in for (it seems) and depending on the hospital policy.

I had to sign something to say they could check my phone whenever they wanted.

They are literally all different, not one psych ward is the same as the other.

 

[wren-briar]

They are literally all different, not one psych ward is the same as the other.

Something for everyone to keep in mind whenever the topic of whether a psych prison could ever be helpful for someone or not.

Tangential rant:

I had suffered from migraines for decades, but had started suffering from migraines a LOT more in the months prior to being bullied into that psychiatric hellhole. (It turned out that drastic increase in my migraines was due to a psych med that exacerbated a whole lot of other problems, but that med had so thoroughly f'd up my cognition that I didn't realize it was the problem until -after a year of complaining about it to so called MH "providers" and being completely gaslighted by them- a FRIEND suggested that I stop taking my meds -low and behold all the major problems that had escalated within 3 months of starting that med vanished. Why the hell didn't a single supposed MH "provider" provided that guidance!?!).

While I was in that psychiatric hellhole, I also wasn't able to get my 1st line medication for migraines, nor 2nd line in a timely fashion.

The reason that I couldn't get my 1st line medication, i.e. a generic Excedrin (which I had literally had re-prescribed to me only a couple weeks previously), was because it had caffeine in it, but after hours of pointing out that I had a PRESCRIPTION for it, the prison nurses finally gave me something that they CLAIMED was Excedrin, but it had codeine in it - WHICH MADE THE MIGRAINE WORSE! Not only that, because of another med (that should have been identified instead of imprisoning me when I sought exclusively unbiased medical care, care which I was clearly denied) I was also hella thirsty, so I was constantly having to get up and get more water, but the codeine gave me EXTREME vertigo (already a slight problem when I have migraines) so then I was running into walls and tripping over my own feet.

The reason they delayed my 2nd round medication -for hours, when I had learned over decades of dealing with migraines, that minutes matter) was because it was off-label - yet it had been prescribed to me for migraines over a decade and a half earlier precisely because it works for my migraines and MY DOCTORS actually understood and respected that. (It was actually a doctor, who themself suffered from migraines, who first prescribed it, after seeing me clearly suffering from a migraine during an appointment).

All the while, not a single g*dd@mn MH NOR the supposed ER medical "provider" ever reviewed any of the new medications that I had been prescribed around the time of the cognitive issues drastically escalating.

WTF?!?

Instead they did nothing but gaslight me and try to sell me f'ing rainbows and unicorns. Well, their actions drove me from trying to figure out how to live in this world to CTB. If I had gotten the care that I explicitly asked for, I wouldn't be CTB anytime soon, but they didn't, instead, every action they took only proved, time and time again, that this isn't a world I am willing to be a part of any more. So, I'm counting down the days until I catch my bus.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Something for everyone to keep in mind whenever the topic of whether a psych prison could ever be helpful for someone or not.

Tangential rant:

I had suffered from migraines for decades, but had started suffering from migraines a LOT more in the months prior to being bullied into that psychiatric hellhole. (It turned out that drastic increase in my migraines was due to a psych med that exacerbated a whole lot of other problems, but that med had so thoroughly f'd up my cognition that I didn't realize it was the problem until -after a year of complaining about it to so called MH "providers" and being completely gaslighted by them- a FRIEND suggested that I stop taking my meds -low and behold all the major problems that had escalated within 3 months of starting that med vanished. Why the hell didn't a single supposed MH "provider" provided that guidance!?!).

While I was in that psychiatric hellhole, I also wasn't able to get my 1st line medication for migraines, nor 2nd line in a timely fashion.

The reason that I couldn't get my 1st line medication, i.e. a generic Excedrin (which I had literally had re-prescribed to me only a couple weeks previously), was because it had caffeine in it, but after hours of pointing out that I had a PRESCRIPTION for it, the prison nurses finally gave me something that they CLAIMED was Excedrin, but it had codeine in it - WHICH MADE THE MIGRAINE WORSE! Not only that, because of another med (that should have been identified instead of imprisoning me when I sought exclusively unbiased medical care, care which I was clearly denied) I was also hella thirsty, so I was constantly having to get up and get more water, but the codeine gave me EXTREME vertigo (already a slight problem when I have migraines) so then I was running into walls and tripping over my own feet.

The reason they delayed my 2nd round medication -for hours, when I had learned over decades of dealing with migraines, that minutes matter) was because it was off-label - yet it had been prescribed to me for migraines over a decade and a half earlier precisely because it works for my migraines and MY DOCTORS actually understood and respected that. (It was actually a doctor, who themself suffered from migraines, who first prescribed it, after seeing me clearly suffering from a migraine during an appointment).

All the while, not a single g*dd@mn MH NOR the supposed ER medical "provider" ever reviewed any of the new medications that I had been prescribed around the time of the cognitive issues drastically escalating.

WTF?!?

Instead they did nothing but gaslight me and try to sell me f'ing rainbows and unicorns. Well, their actions drove me from trying to figure out how to live in this world to CTB. If I had gotten the care that I explicitly asked for, I wouldn't be CTB anytime soon, but they didn't, instead, every action they took only proved, time and time again, that this isn't a world I am willing to be a part of any more. So, I'm counting down the days until I catch my bus.

Yes, I made an entire post about the psych ward and what expectations to have, etc - many have seen it already - it was posted a while ago now. This is not that post.

This post was for me to have some support while locked up, and hopefully afterwards due to being further traumatised, because of how they treated me - a very traumatised person - not mentally ill person. Being literally forced to relive severe trauma is incredibly dangerous and has a detrimental, damaging, permanent impact on an individual. Something I will never be able to move on from, thanks to them.

 

[skyflame]

I'm so glad to hear that you're free from that hell. I don't know if this something you'd want but I was able to get crisis team to back off a lil bit by having a home visit one day, then phone call the next. Might be an option you could try just to get some control back. X

 

[Leiot]

I was in a VA (US) lockdown ward three times. It was freaking horrible. Years later I visited a county jail and it looked exactly the same. I was in a private facility once and it was way better. But like others have said, I would bitch real loud. Contact everyone you can think of. They withheld pain meds the last time I was in and it took five days to get them back, and then they only gave me a third of my regular dose.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I'm so glad to hear that you're free from that hell. I don't know if this something you'd want but I was able to get crisis team to back off a lil bit by having a home visit one day, then phone call the next. Might be an option you could try just to get some control back. X

The crisis team only came out as it's policy after leaving hospital. They asked me how it was, I told them and they were gobsmacked at the way I was treated and said to go to PALs, I refused - no point- who will believe a patient over a MD psychiatrist and the staff there? No one. The crisis team won't be in touch again after this

They said to call if I need, and I said no, I don't trust anyone and I'll be fine going forward. I told them I need time on my own now and to readjust.

I think the community team get in touch next (the hospital would've sorted it before I left), and then I'll be left alone. X

I was in a VA (US) lockdown ward three times. It was freaking horrible. Years later I visited a county jail and it looked exactly the same. I was in a private facility once and it was way better. But like others have said, I would bitch real loud. Contact everyone you can think of. They withheld pain meds the last time I was in and it took five days to get them back, and then they only gave me a third of my regular dose.

I'm so sorry you experienced this. The psych ward is disgusting. It doesn't matter if it's private or not, I was NHS patient, but it is a private hospital, and the staff and treatment is exactly the same there. I did, and that's what got me out in the end, I'd still be there now if I didn't fight for myself

If I wanted a vitamin the doctor had to prescribe it lmao, and they controlled it. Same with cream etc. It was really fucked up. I got physically unwell in the hospital, and they didn't care, but eventually someone did, because I was loud about it.

Absolutely horrific in there and one of the patients said it's one of the good ones (they'd been in and out for years). I was baffled by that statement.

It just goes to show, there is no help out there. I already knew this, but being on the psych ward showed me that more so.

 

[whywere]

Said a prayer for you when I retired last night and have had you in my thoughts all week.

We are family here and you are such a wonderful friend.

We are all together in this, hand in hand and shoulder to shoulder always.

Lots of hugs, love and well wished.

Walter

 

[Whale_bones]

I'm so sorry you've been given even more burdens to live with in the form of damage from the psych ward, something that could have been so easily avoided if the system had any care for trauma victims. It's really awful how people that have already been harmed by others are just further harmed in there, when they should be given some moments of safety and relief.

I hope that the little comforts of being home bring you a bit of respite atleast, and you can start to rebuild a sense of safety (as much as is possible).

 

[SMmetalhead36]

Hiya guys

I am not insane, but they are making out I am. Bare in mind I am not on medication, because my mood isn't the issue. I'm not depressed. I am a very traumatised individual.

Since trying to advocate for myself, things are changing. Yesterday someone knocked on my door to do a 'security check' and asked if I needed to speak to the doctor. Because I said I don't feel listened to. I expressed it again, and I was again, asked if I was going to hurt myself, do I feel safe, why don't you come out of your room so you're safe etc. Wtf? It's staff I don't feel safe around.

The reason I was sectioned was because where I was living FORCED them. It was either section me or kick me out.

The reason I told this person, albeit a professional (not MH).- she told me things about herself and she led me to believe it was OK, because she said she believes anyone should be able to end their life if they want to. Next thing I know, she is ringing all day and telling the crisis team etc 'if you don't section her, she's getting kicked out'. She did this ALL DAY, and told several people. Including the doctors that sectioned me.

I've read my care plan. The reason why I wanted to die isn't even on there (it is trauma, but very specific)... they haven't even got the area of the UK I was living correct on it, it is hundreds of miles from where they've put lmao. They have added a medical issue I've never had in my life, and have been tested for but it was years ago and all negative. Wtf. They've added shit and twisted it. Made out like I'm a chronic self harmer when it is RARE for me, and I don't cut. I didn't even say all this. I said it was rare. I'm in here for intent to end my life.

They're making out I am delusional, when I am not

I was sane when I arrived. Now I am not

They have taken my dignity. I have nothing left.

Everything changes when you start to speak up.

I am so scared.

Not only has my mental health declined, so has my physical health and rapidly. No one cares about you. You're deemed as insane.

I am a shell of a person now.

What did I do to deserve this?

There's a lot that's happened in here, that I can't go into, because I don't want to identify myself

Someone please talk to me on this thread.

Someone PLEASE believe me. PLEASE. I promise I am not fucking insane. Please. I am begging you. Believe me. Someone.

I can't do this alone. I have no family to help me, and no friends to help me.

I'm so scared someone will see this

I'm late but you are not insane, psych wards are horrible.

 

[whywere]

I'm late but you are not insane, psych wards are horrible.

100% agree with you, as I have been in my fair share and the food, at least in my situations, was bad, the staff was worse, and heaven forbid who one's roommate might be.

I can still remember, "Walter, it is pass 10:30pm, get in bed and feet off the floor, NOW!".

YUCK is all I can say and remember.

Walter