crane.tanya
𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰.
- Oct 5, 2023
- 2
Went to a psych ward like a month ago against my will, and now that i'm back out… just.. fallen so so so behind on my classes i'm too ashamed to even start working on them again. literally what is the point though, if i had the opportunity i would've tried to do it again, unfortunately now i'm being watched like a hawk…
can't even graduate on time as i was kicked out of a few classes that i needed to progress to my next yr and graduate on time — not that i even had some big aspirations .. my plan was always to graduate and then do it just before my coming birthday. now things are getting derailed and it's so hopeless and annoying. i wish suicide wasn't such a judgemental thing and instead i could just do it rather than being forced to put up a nonsensical farce of perfect or fine because otherwise others just treat you like a burden — or worse, their responsibility. literally could not care less about their shallow sense of guilt and indebtedness. how is them being 'uncomfortable' with my choices any of my problem? i dunno introspect yourselves and just.. leave me alone. i hate having to act a certain way just to comfort their guilty conscience when that should've never even been my responsibility.
last thing: everyone talks about how important mental health is but i was literally harassed and had to listen to triggering garbage in the ward and the doctors did absolutely nothing — they extended my stay the more i took precautions and put my safety and comfort first.. it's so obvious. they don't care, all they need and want is for you to look and act 'normal' so that they can fuck off and check you off the list lmfao
can't even graduate on time as i was kicked out of a few classes that i needed to progress to my next yr and graduate on time — not that i even had some big aspirations .. my plan was always to graduate and then do it just before my coming birthday. now things are getting derailed and it's so hopeless and annoying. i wish suicide wasn't such a judgemental thing and instead i could just do it rather than being forced to put up a nonsensical farce of perfect or fine because otherwise others just treat you like a burden — or worse, their responsibility. literally could not care less about their shallow sense of guilt and indebtedness. how is them being 'uncomfortable' with my choices any of my problem? i dunno introspect yourselves and just.. leave me alone. i hate having to act a certain way just to comfort their guilty conscience when that should've never even been my responsibility.
last thing: everyone talks about how important mental health is but i was literally harassed and had to listen to triggering garbage in the ward and the doctors did absolutely nothing — they extended my stay the more i took precautions and put my safety and comfort first.. it's so obvious. they don't care, all they need and want is for you to look and act 'normal' so that they can fuck off and check you off the list lmfao
