Psych ward aftermath

[VileMagnolia]

I voluntarily entered a psych hospital after a self harm episode. It was a fascinating experience. Never laughed so much in my life and in some ways I was happier in there than in the real world. Honestly I enjoyed it except for obvious stuff like not having freedom. I continued feeling the urge to cut myself but of course I lied so I wouldn't have to stay TOO long. I convinced the hospital, and even myself that it was a wake up call for me and that I'm ready to leave behind self harm and suicidal ideation, but now that I'm out, I'm already back to being miserable, wanting to cut, wanting to die, and hating humanity.

I can't cut, because I have a closer eye on me so if I do it again I'd probably be put back involuntarily, so now misery is building within me with no way to drain. I feel alone again. I feel unloved again. I just feel like square one
but now with the extra embarrassment of having more people who now know me and would be disappointed by me taking myself out. I still feel fucking psychotic. Quite frankly, I admitted myself to the psych ward as a way to express my madness, and now I still feel empty. Not even sure what I'm going for with this rant. I'm just relentlessly bitter. I feel impossible.

 

[ardea]

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I was admitted to a psych ward for the first time (voluntary) two weeks or so ago after talking to my doctor. I was feeling a lot better towards the end of my stay, but since I left I've been ocilating between feeling resigned but knowing I can't do it because of Consequences and full on planning to ctb. Now I have to be at the hospital every day for an outpatient program, which so far hasn't done anything for me either way.

 

[coolcow1289]

You'll laugh even harder when they send you the $3000 bill lol. At least I did.

 

[Phobia_DLW]

What was it like? what did you do during the day etc...?

 

[taker_of_insulin]

I've been to two mental hospitals in my life for drug detox. They put the chemical dependency patients in with the mental health patients.

Each time was actually quite enjoyable after the first two days. It's nice not to have to worry about the burdens of life while in there. They set a schedule for you and all you have to do is follow it. And you make friends. You get three meals a day. It's not too bad

But once you're released, you have to bear all the responsibilities of life again, which sucks.

 

[ardea]

What was it like? what did you do during the day etc...?

For me it was altogether pretty boring, but I got used to it after a bit. For most of the day everyone was just in their rooms or watching TV in the common area. I spent most of my time reading in my room after my parents brought me books. There were two hours of visitation time every day. I talked to the psychiatrist every few days. They checked my blood pressure every hour and checked on me and noted my location every fifteen minutes. I think they gave pretty much everyone sedatives and you don't get much of a say in your medications. I think the main thing I got out of it was that they put me on Remeron, which fixed my apatite. It was shockingly similar to One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. They would tell me the time if I asked, but I really did lose track of it with no clocks.

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

I don't know from which country you are from but that sounds much better than my experience.

I've got forced to go to a psych ward after a pathetic failed attempt and it was miserable.

I stayed 1 month wearing the hospital gown with no shoes roaming around that tiny ass psychward with people screaming, banging their heads on the walls, trying to break window to escape, complaining about not getting enough methadone and tweaking, scratching their arms till they bleed and telling you how their alien friends are gonna save us all and you need to do is follow the green light pertruding through the ceiling or the guy asking help to pull that imaginary infinite thread in his ear.

I got mixed up with all kind of people while i simply tried to end my life...

And then you get those fast psych appointements where you obviously have to lie or you gonna get more debilitating meds or more time in the ward if you feel no good.

That was so dehumanizing to stay in litteral prison with crazy people that would scream and run in the corridors naked, banging on your door at 3 am preventing you from sleeping and if it's not them it's nurses opening your door randomly to check if you are not dead, just screaming at 5 am " It's the night shift, hope your sleeping well !" Wtf ???

I couldn't think about anything else but get out of here, spent my days with no phone, no books, no tv, a small ass patio with people smoking there every time it was opened, felt like i was roaming the corridors of the Outlast asylum.

It litteraly did nothing for me, just forced me to take a stupid medication that gave me akathisia and made me feel worse.

I suppose it really is a coin toss if you end up in a good ward or not.

Mine was straight up a hellhole, absolute chaos with decrepit walls, screams, shit stained floors, patients fighting eachother and invisible medical staff.

Take your pills and stfu basically.

I suppose it makes me want to to ctb even more, just the fact of being "a looney" now that i visited this place is awful feeling, just remembering it turns my blood into acid.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I don't know from which country you are from but that sounds much better than my experience.

I've got forced to go to a psych ward after a pathetic failed attempt and it was miserable.

I stayed 1 month wearing the hospital gown with no shoes roaming around that tiny ass psychward with people screaming, banging their heads on the walls, trying to break window to escape, complaining about not getting enough methadone and tweaking, scratching their arms till they bleed and telling you how their alien friends are gonna save us all and you need to do is follow the green light pertruding through the ceiling or the guy asking help to pull that imaginary infinite thread in his ear.

I got mixed up with all kind of people while i simply tried to end my life...

And then you get those fast psych appointements where you obviously have to lie or you gonna get more debilitating meds or more time in the ward if you feel no good.

That was so dehumanizing to stay in litteral prison with crazy people that would scream and run in the corridors naked, banging on your door at 3 am preventing you from sleeping and if it's not them it's nurses opening your door randomly to check if you are not dead, just screaming at 5 am " It's the night shift, hope your sleeping well !" Wtf ???

I couldn't think about anything else but get out of here, spent my days with no phone, no books, no tv, a small ass patio with people smoking there every time it was opened, felt like i was roaming the corridors of the Outlast asylum.

It litteraly did nothing for me, just forced me to take a stupid medication that gave me akathisia and made me feel worse.

I suppose it really is a coin toss if you end up in a good ward or not.

Mine was straight up a hellhole, absolute chaos with decrepit walls, screams, shit stained floors, patients fighting eachother and invisible medical staff.

Take your pills and stfu basically.

I suppose it makes me want to to ctb even more, just the fact of being "a looney" now that i visited this place is awful feeling, just remembering it turns my blood into acid.

That's about how it was for me everytime I went. I was amazed I had no therapy except the silly group sessions twice a day. I just sat there bored thinking about how I still want to ctb until I lied enough to them to let me go. Longest I was there was around two weeks. I made some friends tho. I hated the feeling of being trapped and the people sometimes going crazy stressed me out.

I also always freaked out really bad when they asked me to take off all my clothes. I got locked up in the special room cause of it. Some of the nurses talked bad about me and they lied to me about when I could leave one time. They gave me so many meds and I was drooling and felt drunk all the time. Sorry you had a bad experience too