Pretty scared to take N

[healthrecovery]

Now its getting closer i feel really hesitant like its really hard to wrap your mind around ctb'ing
Its so hard to override those survival instincts

 

[intr0verse]

Now its getting closer i feel really hesitant like its really hard to wrap your mind around ctb'ing
Its so hard to override those survival instincts

Don't rush things. Take all the time you need to think about this.

 

[supermario]

If you have any doubt then it might not be your time yet.

 

[healthrecovery]

I think Its because i feel like shit from the invega sustenna shot which caused me braindamage....it causes me intense dysphoria but also extremely suicidal. I just find it hard to die in my own appartment alone especially feeling like shit. With these euthanasia clinics there is more of a loving warm enviroment and there are people around. It is also hard to hurt family members

I can't live like this but i don't want to die either...the mistakes i made past few months are so bad i lost all my happiness i keep ruminating them the whole day i want it to end. I don't know what to do if i didnt had N ctb would be absolutely no option

 

[Darkover]

where and how you choose to die will come when you're ready, do you die satisfied or unsatisfied with life whatever happens goodbye may you rip.

 

[ddd1234]

I think Its because i feel like shit from the invega sustenna shot which caused me braindamage....it causes me intense dysphoria but also extremely suicidal. I just find it hard to die in my own appartment alone especially feeling like shit. With these euthanasia clinics there is more of a loving warm enviroment and there are people around. It is also hard to hurt family members

I can't live like this but i don't want to die either...the mistakes i made past few months are so bad i lost all my happiness i keep ruminating them the whole day i want it to end. I don't know what to do if i didnt had N ctb would be absolutely no option

I feel exactly the same. The difference is that I don't have N. I am thinking about hanging but my family guards me 24/7. Do you have AE?

 

[healthrecovery]

I don't have AE but the invega is still active and its also a d2 antagonist
Of course if i do it i don't want to be saved

 

[ddd1234]

Have you chosen a date?

 

[healthrecovery]

No ..i just want to do it when i feel like it...sometimes i feel somewhat ok but then the fucking ruminating starts and i want to end myself.

It feels somewhat uncomfortable doing it without AE

 

[ddd1234]

No ..i just want to do it when i feel like it...sometimes i feel somewhat ok but then the fucking ruminating starts and i want to end myself

yep, every time when you feel better then the bad feelings come much stronger. At this point, I don't even have this good feeling. Last night I didn't sleep even for a minute: the constant ruminating haunted me. I have to kill myself asap.

 

[FuneralCry]

All humans are programmed to survive anyway and existence is all we know. We cannot comprehend what it would be like to be dead. At least you have N, that is the best ctb method in my opinion, I believe it is the most peaceful. Of course there is no rush, the option to exit is always there no matter what. I wish you the best.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Now its getting closer i feel really hesitant like its really hard to wrap your mind around ctb'ing
Its so hard to override those survival instincts

Yes it's completely weird and outside a realm of experience… It's precisely what your program NOT to do

 

[ddd1234]

For me it's more surreal than ever...

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

For me it's more surreal than ever...

Like traveling to the moon… Or switching bodies with another human being…

 

[ddd1234]

Like traveling to the moon… Or switching bodies with another human being…

Exactly... you are the lucky one, you have more time to make a decision. I am in a worse situation,. because in the following days two big things will happen to me (losing GF, and losing my job at the company I built from scratch and loved), so I cannot predict how I would react... I worry that I will behave so irrational and even aggressive, that my family will send me to the psych ward, which would be a nightmare in my current state of mind. I hope that I can order N before that, but it is so hard to even buy BTC in such high anxiety level, when your whole body is shaking and vision is blurred.