Venting Pressured abortion, suicidal thoughts

[onlyusefulwhenused]

I ended up pregnant late January. Partner pressured me into an abortion. I already have two kids. I regretted the moment I took the first pill, wanted to drive straight into a wall.

My partner says he's grieving but idk. I get upset and suicidal. I feel like he doesn't understand that I want our baby back. He doesn't understand that I'm burning in hell already.

Now all I want to do is harm myself. Want to hang myself. I often think of just doing it with a gun but I doubt my prior hospitalizations would allow me to even be eligible.

When I get time alone again I can suppose I'll try hanging to test the pain again.

 

[hopeless-believer]

I'm sorry to hear this. My heart is with you in this. I work with newborns and you're not alone in your story. I know you want your baby back, and I know that's alot of pain to handle, especially when you feel alone in this.

I promise you, you're not burning in hell already. It may feel that way because it's so incredibly hard to forgive yourself, but know I don't see or think this way at all about you. I believe you're grieving, and that won't change instantly, it is a process.

You have two beautiful kids to look after, who needs their mom, so I hear you, but I hope you can realise there is a way forward with them at your side.

Take care,
If you need anything, or need to talk, just message.

Kindest,

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I already have two kids.

Is suicide your best choice at this time? Just asking. Not judging. You need to do what's best for you.

 

[deadbidaylight]

I'm sorry you're in so much turmoil and suffering. Please try and go easy on yourself. You are not going to hell for aborting your baby. Many people do it. And I know the majority of them also feel heavy feelings from it. You are not alone, I promise.

I know it's dark right now, but please think of your other children. They need their mom. Try and live for them. Please get some support if things get too heavy. It's not a weakness to ask for help.

 

[onlyusefulwhenused]

Is suicide your best choice at this time? Just asking. Not judging. You need to do what's best for you.

One is special needs and other is a toddler. I try to think myself out of it alot but only for them…cuz it hurts thinking of them seeing me dead or no longer getting them up and ready for their day, wondering where I am.

I know you're not judging. I am rlly selfless in the end but only for my children. They have their dad but they widely depend on me.

 

[grapevoid]

I'm so sorry.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

One is special needs and other is a toddler. I try to think myself out of it alot but only for them…cuz it hurts thinking of them seeing me dead or no longer getting them up and ready for their day, wondering where I am.

I know you're not judging. I am rlly selfless in the end but only for my children. They have their dad but they widely depend on me.

I think you answered your own questions about ctb for the time being. Sounds like your kids need you and you them. That's not a bad thing (to be needed and to need). Maybe you could look into some type of counseling to try and sort out the guilt you're feeling from the abortion.