Preparing Loves Ones for Our Suicides

[ShatteredQueen]

Of course, I know that my suicide is inevitable. Although I can resist it for as long as possible, in the end, I only hold any power over "when" not "if." As this is obviously my destiny, I have been gradually preparing for the day when my mental illnesses and terrible personality flaws finally win. I've figured out how to ensure my beneficiaries still receive a life insurance payout despite it being suicide, looked into how to ensure my cats are well cared for, learned what identifications I should have on me to prevent a family member from having to ID my body, and put a lot of time into researching the most effective and responsible methods of ending my life. There is one big question that still remains, however. How do I prepare my loved ones for my suicide?

I don't want my death to blindside people I care about as I know that will only make it harder for them. While I have no doubt that everyone will quickly get over my demise and move on, I do think some will feel pain and grief at first. I am doing this largely for them--and to a lesser extent for the good of the world as a whole--because I am too great a burden and problem for anyone to endure. (No, seriously. I know people feel this way often, but in my case, it's nothing short of logical and unbiased truth.) The point is that, as my suicide will be my ultimate act of love, freeing everyone else from the misery of my existence, I certainly don't want it to be hard on them.

That, however, places me in a delicate situation. How do I make sure they are prepared for my suicide without risking some misguided person trying to intervene? Research revealed that those who are expecting to die soon from natural causes should speak to loved ones openly but gently about it, gradually growing into the subject of: "this is going to happen and that's okay; I want you to be at peace with it." While I would LOVE to do this, I can't where suicide is concerned. So how do I help those I care about get ready for the day I clock out? Any suggestions or ideas?

 

[SamTam33]

I used to be obsessed with preparing everyone and trying to make them understand why.

Then it very recently occurred to me that I can no more make them understand my choice than I can make them change their political affiliation.

In my experience, people's minds have severe limitations based on what they already believe.

So instead of using the info you give them to actually prepare for your death, they'll spend the remaining time either denying it, ignoring it or trying to change your mind.

I guess my point is that I wouldn't try to tell too many people. Maybe one or two of the smart ones lol. They have a higher capacity for understanding things they don't agree with.

Just like in life, our good intentions in death will fall on deaf ears and not be recognized nor appreciated.

Apologies for my cynicism.

 

[freedomcalls]

I feel like if you have spoken openly about your struggles to those you feel will be affected, then it will help them make some kind of sense of your decision to 'clock out'

Can I ask what method you intend to use so that your life insurance is still valid? This is a concern of mine, as I'd like to ensure my children are provided for

 

[Amccorm2]

I've warned those that matter that it's a question of when, not if. Naturally they were upset but also understanding and know that I can't be at peace where I am now.

It really depends on how understanding your loved ones are. Some people can talk to their loved ones about CTB and some cannot. Ultimately it's your choice and nobody has the right to take that away from you.

 

[justwanasleep]

I've thought about this a lot and even though I don't want to shock and hurt anyone telling them would just make them try and convince me not too. My family would probably try and get mental health services back in my life like that's some sort of cure. oh take these new pills or talk to this bullshitter for a few hours a week and you'll be fine. No thanks I've tried it all. I'm just going to act as fine as possible and do it very secretly one day in the near future.

 

[jodes2]

Why can't you warn them you'll CTB well in advance? Prepare them for it like that. Talk to them, explain your suffering and why you need to go. Some will understand better than others. It might get bad reactions but it's better out than in.

 

[Pluto]

For as long as suicide - in the context of a legitimate, rational choice - is taboo, it won't be possible to have any preparation except with very select individuals. It's a tragedy of circumstance.

By the way, I like what you say about suicide as an act of love. I might make a separate thread on that topic.

 

[niiina]

No matter what you say they'll never be prepared and we have no idea what will be more or less painful to each person even if we think we know.
Our pain end and theirs begins.
That's the cold truth

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really think that there's much that you can do to prepare those left behind for your suicide. I don't recommend telling people in advance, it would likely just make things worse and cause more suffering to be experienced. After all, we live in a world where suicide is so stigmatised and where so many don't respect the right to die.

But the way that I see it death is simply inevitable in this world and grief and loss are a consequence of life existing. In a world where beings cease to exist everyday, we cannot often prepare ourselves for losing someone as death could take us away at any moment, it's just the way that life is. As humans we only exist just to die and be forgotten about, human life is so insignificant after all, and we eventually won't even exist in the memories of those who still exist in this world.

 

[brdhndz]

I don't know how much you really can prepare people for this without risking their intervention. Ultimately I would recommend spending plenty of time and thought on your note to offer them some closure. As someone who has experienced suicide close to me, no matter how much it was predictable, those goodbyes matter.

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

Just think pragmatically. They will also die at some point and everything will be forgotten.