Story Prep night. Solo party night. Venting.

[squirley]

*my first long post. Venting. Goodbye*

My ctb date is close. Within the next day or two.
I've paid my rent. Bills etc. So the next 60 days give time and don't leave a financial mess to clean up. I've sent emails and text a long time ago explaining my situation and reasoning.
this including my PW for email and other phone.
I am just scraping by.
but with my injuries/disabilitys mental and physicall payment. Plus savings. And even a few gift cards.
Which has ran out. It has been enough to survive and exist.
(NOT LIVE)

This gives my family (mom only) and the few friends that I had and trusted before I isolated my self. Time to donate or keep my things.

Tonight I am enjoying some pizza , hummus , Asiago cheese dip , jalapeño chips , beef jerky, pickles and a gyro wrap. Among some little sour candy and other things.
I'm having a few vodka cranberries. But saving the booze for the ctb method. Smoked a couple joints as well. Been awhile.
Listening to some
UKF - sub focus - illuminate.
1991 etc .
** this one REALLY HITS =
A LITTLE SOUND - BREATH ** so good. BANGER BRUV **

As the date draws closer I find my self at a
fork in the road.
Do I just go through with my
Partial / swb / old meds / drugs / booze method.
alone here.

Or do I act out on my revenge plan and take someone with me that beat their sister. Splashed water in their moms face.
Rips people off for money including their own grand parents. And "friends". The list goes on.
Obviously this would lead to the LE coming.
Try to take one with me and ctb via LE.

I havnt been here long but I apperciate all the input and information that has been provided. Different ideas. Different thinking. Methods. Etc.
It's great that this exists and I'm hoping our "government" cannot succeed in shutting it down.
As they are watching now. You can suck my big old balls and fuck your broken system.

Its pretty obvious what accounts are
Trolls.
Story tellers.
Liars.
Piggies.
Scammers even.

And those that are here for a real reason.
I commend that and thank you.

I understand some people may have mental issues or disabilities that cause them to say things that are not true.
Or maybe say things because they need to vent or need attention and sympathy. Which is totally justified.
Just hard some times when I'm a very straight forward person and a open book. And question things a lot.

( I've seen many post like this. So I'm just being an old man here. From experience.)

For the younger people out there.
Just because your girlfriend breaks up with you. Please don't pop a shit load of Tylenol and cut your arm.
It will just end up in more pain. And problems.
I know it hurts and is the worst ever in that moment.
But your young And will find many other partners. Just trust me on that one.

I know mental issues may play into that.
but it's not my place to tell to people to take meds or talk to a shrink. Whatever the case maybe. That was just my 1 bit of dad advice before I go lul.

I'll keep updating this i just havnt decide what route I want to go yet. I might even add to this post but for now im going to enjoy this little party and appreciate those who I've come in contact with here.

Squirley. Xo.

 

[Deleted member 60002]

Please do not act on any revenge plan

 

[Zegers]

May we find wellness

 

[squirley]

Please do not act on any revenge plan

I know this a vague question.
But why not?

 

[Deleted member 60002]

I know this a vague question.
But why not?

I'm aware I don't know the full situation, but as a general rule, violence is bad. It's almost never the answer, if at all. People are capable of changing, even the worst of us.

 

[Outandproud]

Take care OP have a nice night

 

[squirley]

I'm aware I don't know the full situation, but as a general rule, violence is bad. It's almost never the answer, if at all. People are capable of changing, even the worst of us.

When it comes to narcissistic. Egotistical. Bullies / Abusers. They won't change.
Wolf's in sheep's clothing.
Some.of the situation is the things I mentioned plus more.

In my heart I know fighting " fire with fire " is not a good thing. I used to be a shit head in my younger days.
But this person is not young. And I feel I would be doing the world a favor.
And with LE involved I'm 80% sure I'll get shot.

It's not just the peaceful method I have for my other plan. I definitely hear your side of it. I have changed for good or bad. But that type will never stop untill they are stopped.

 

[Outandproud]

What if you survive and end up in jail all mangled out? I think its kind that you want to take that other dude out of the picture but the plan is very risky. And also, you deserve a peaceful out too. But ey, i met you 5 minutes ago. I actually will try to sleep now.

 

[squirley]

Take care OP have a nice night

Thanks man and cheers

What if you survive and end up in jail all mangled out? I think its kind that you want to take that other dude out of the picture but the plan is very risky.

True.

And also, you deserve a peaceful out too. But ey, i met you 5 minutes ago. I actually will try to sleep now.

And also true peaceful seems right.
Enjoy your sleep and thanks for the input

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i hope you have a peaceful exit, whatever you decide to do. i enjoyed reading your posts whenever i saw them. safe travels <3

 

[VirtualSnow]

Damn, that's fucking rough. Whatever you choose to do finally, hope things go right for you. Just remember that the life of whoever you are trying to get revenge on is not worth a thing, so don't take it as a factor really. But either way, best of luck with everything man.

 

[squirley]

Damn, that's fucking rough. Whatever you choose to do finally, hope things go right for you. Just remember that the life of whoever you are trying to get revenge on is not worth a thing, so don't take it as a factor really. But either way, best of luck with everything man.

Thanks man...
True. Life is not worth and worth at this point.
*** update ***

Thanks all the peacefull wishes and other ways of thinking.
I hear the leave peacefully instead of choosing anger.
And the chances that things can go wrong this way. (Revenge)

Today was a simple day.
Still stuffed from munching out last night I didn't really eat today. Just some olives and hummus. With spicy meat sticks.
My plan is to start fasting now.

I went to a little park by my house chilled out and smoked a joint.
It's weird ... the sunshine was nice to feel. But at the same time it wasn't like omg the sun feels so good.
It was just like ah either way I'm good with out it.
Unfortunately there was no breeze as we are having a heat phase here.

I am contemplating getting a escort just for one last bj lul been very long since I've been in a relationship or even just a hook up.
Not like before when it was on the daily.
But at the same time I've lost my lust.

I will update with the exact amounts later.
Quetiapine
Venlafaxine
Mirtazipine
Pregabalin
White
Percs
Caffeine
Booze
Partial / swb

I've tested my partial again weight and anchor is good. 5"7 , 160.
I do wish I had a super long rubber work out strap as I feel when I did the test with the small one there was zero choking and it got super close to under chin/jaw/arteries because it's so thin. But tight. But it's ok my cord should be fine. With a winter sock wrapped around it.

Some people asked. Reasons.
Age/failure/injuries mental-physical/financial /goals / no more fire/ at ease with being done and accepting defeat.

Thanks again. I'll keep updating.

 

[KarmaBus]

I hope you find peace. I have enjoyed your posts. Safe travels, squirley