Venting ppl asking why i never had a gf at 33

[snowman626]

How do i answer when my aunts and uncles ask me why i dont/never had a gf? Im 33 and everyone around me at this age is married.

Why kind of answer are they looking for? The real answer is because i have no social skills, fail life, poor self esteem, no career, no money, and more. But i cant say that or ill make a big scene when they keep asking "why?" And inevitably i lose my cool and say something like "cause im a fucking loser is that what you want me to say??"

They ask me other things too like why dont you have any friends? Why dont you socialize more? Why dont you smile more? I dont know how to answer

 

[Kyrok]

Tell them no one wants to affiliate with you because of how rude your family is.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

You know... I've had girlfriends. My problem is... Where the hell did they all go?!?

Seriously though, I'm thinking who gives a fuck what other people think. Don't judge yourself more just because you think other people are judging you. If they ask, just say "I don't know, because I don't." Stop assuming they're judging you. If they do, fuck em.

It's not really true, by the way, it's because you're a loser... Many people find dating and socializing hard. Because it is hard. If these are things you really want you're going to have to learn to give up your self-defeating thoughts and practice doing the things that will get you more dates or friends. If you really truly want these things you'll find a way. Don't be afraid of failing... Let me tell you... I've failed A LOT...

 

[Mr2005]

So much is put on the age you are and what you should have accomplished by now. It's enough to feel suicidal if you haven't. I want to be free of it so it holds no meaning or significance whether in life or death. I'll be 33 this year and know I've completely failed at life. At least the one that's set out for you. It matters because others decide it matters. Honestly time just went too fast and no one told me. They don't want the responsibility any more than I do. I'm still where I was at 17. We don't change that much although I sure as hell know things I didn't then.

 

[TAW122]

I get this question a lot, and in the past, especially during my college years and then mid-20's, I often just lie and say I'm not ready for it yet, and simply not interested (even though the truth is pretty much similar to your situation). As I've gotten older, the idea of marriage, relationships, and dating simply doesn't interest me anymore (also isn't attractive and seems more problematic on the larger scale) and my interests and values have changed (more of a MGTOW mindset, minus the misogyny and toxic shit). In other words, when I gotten older, I did actually lose interest in marriage, relationships, and dating, not because I was unsuccessful in life, but after I've discovered the truth and did some really, really deep critical thinking as well as finding out what I really want and what could substitute for it.

Tbh, playing devil's advocate, even if let's say that I have the capability to obtain those things, I'd still wouldn't since I simply just don't have interest in those and find it all more trouble than it's worth, with little returns. Given the fact that I'm still thinking of ctb'ing (passively not actively) and that I don't plan to live a very long life (currently physically healthy but that may change in the future, no one knows) nor does the prospect of being dependent on others should I become unhealthy, suffer a disability, or grow old, I'd check out when life becomes unbearable or when I know that life only goes downhill.

 

[Carma]

Blame them, their genes, and say you have a shitty family.
Don't let them hurt you even more and get away with it free.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I understand if you're socially anxious etc but you really don't need to be successful in order to find someone. Everyone has a right to companionship. The thing is, someone either likes you for you, or they don't. Money or whatever else has no bearing on that, and if it does, then that person isn't interested in you for the right reasons.

It's pretty common to feel like you have to have all your shit together and whatnot, but really, most dealings you'll have with women will be fleeting or throwaway. There are whole levels of superficial relationships you'll likely experience first, before having to have all your ducks in a row. And it's a mistake to assume people you'll be with will have it all figured out, too. Chances are they're struggling just as much as you, in their own ways.

But yeah, it's hard to get family off your back sometimes. I feel like it's not their place to judge, even though they always seem to feel entitled to it. I can't imagine sticking my nose in someone else's business to that degree.

 

[Psilo]

I can't imagine sticking my nose in someone else's business to that degree.

Well said!

 

[Severnayasemiramida]

When I was 16, I met a man in the internet. He was 32, was still a virgin and had never had a gf in his whole life. We were just chatting, I didn't even think about any romantic issues with a guy who's twice as my age. It's a pedo I think.

He had tried to find the gf both between his age and younger ones. However all of his attempts ended up him finding the dumbest reason to reject girls' offer to date or have sex or a girl putting him into a friendzone because it was clear he had no chance with that girl he tried to pick up.

He was also trying to pick me up however I was sure it's just a joke. I honestly told him it's interesting for me to chat with different people including him but he's too old for me to even think about him as a boyfriend. For the time we were chatting he met several girls and women he could at least try to chill with but he rejected all their attempts to contact with him or just didn't do anything when some of his friends found him a single girl he could get acquainted with. Of course I was joking about it and his virginity cause he was intentionally losing all his chances to have sex.

We're just chatting and everything was okay till I lost the virginity. After I told him about it, he just deleted all his accounts and answered that it's worthless no more because I'm not a virgin now. I laughed tbh, that man was really weird in his opinion on the relationship.

 

[Donewith_]

It's very annoying. I get asked many questions a bit similar though. Sometimes if they don't ask , I can see all the questions in their eyes. And they have a question mark on their face. Idk if good manners is the only thing stopping them from asking me.
Some of the people who know me are too curious to know some answers. When I am obliged to tell, sometimes I too lose my cool.have shouted a couple of of times.. I felt very bad, but I was not in control.

Sometimes I feel like I am living minute by minute.

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

I learned to let that stuff go in one ear and out the other, especially if it's not out of real concern but an attempt to stir up drama or covert bullying. Their perception of you doesn't have to be a part of your life. Let your complete disregard for what they're saying speak for itself, cause if you respond, they'll use it as an excuse to further their self-assertion. Cut it short before it grows you know?

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

How do i answer when my aunts and uncles ask me why i dont/never had a gf? Im 33 and everyone around me at this age is married.

Why kind of answer are they looking for? The real answer is because i have no social skills, fail life, poor self esteem, no career, no money, and more. But i cant say that or ill make a big scene when they keep asking "why?" And inevitably i lose my cool and say something like "cause im a fucking loser is that what you want me to say??"

They ask me other things too like why dont you have any friends? Why dont you socialize more? Why dont you smile more? I dont know how to answer

You could tell them you've been training to become a Shaolin monk for years and the sacred rites are exceedingly demanding. If they pester you more, warn them that they'd have to be eliminated if they learned any of the secrets of the nine-fold path.

 

[21Neberg]

How do i answer when my aunts and uncles ask me why i dont/never had a gf? Im 33 and everyone around me at this age is married.

Why kind of answer are they looking for? The real answer is because i have no social skills, fail life, poor self esteem, no career, no money, and more. But i cant say that or ill make a big scene when they keep asking "why?" And inevitably i lose my cool and say something like "cause im a fucking loser is that what you want me to say??"

They ask me other things too like why dont you have any friends? Why dont you socialize more? Why dont you smile more? I dont know how to answer

At this point I think you're better off lying to people and saying you've been in relationships in the past, just haven't run into anyone lately. Admitting that you're 33 and have never been with someone might make people think you're weird - which is definitely not true btw. but people are rude...

 

[snowman626]

At this point I think you're better off lying to people and saying you've been in relationships in the past, just haven't run into anyone lately. Admitting that you're 33 and have never been with someone might make people think you're weird - which is definitely not true btw. but people are rude...

yeah I do lie to people I just meet on my own. but lying isn't possible when my aunts and uncles are asking in front of people who know my situation, they'll blow my cover for sure and make me look even worse.

 

[seekingoblivion]

You could tell them you've been training to become a Shaolin monk for years and the sacred rites are exceedingly demanding. If they pester you more, warn them that they'd have to be eliminated if they learned any of the secrets of the nine-fold path.

I love this!!