Venting Postponing my CTB plan

[lollblanca]

Hi guys I'm currently planning CTB and I actually got my SN last week, so what I need for now is just setting a date to do it.
The problem is: one of my family has important plans ahead of her. She needs a couple of months to finish it, and I'm pretty sure if I CTB right away, she wouldn't be able to start it because she will be devastated by my death. (If I do it after she starts it, it is also 100% sure she will stop it)
Honestly I'd like to do it right away cause two months are real big deal for me… every day is such a pain and the same goes for my family who watches over me... But also I dont want to be selfish or cause problems for my family anymore.
I should wait two more months not to regret it, right? Will I be able to do it? please give me courage

 

[acey]

Honestly, from seeing suicides and people dealing with it, I think two months may be enough to be able to get back to doing things. She'll still be devastated but she'll likely keep living and being productive

 

[lollblanca]

Honestly, from seeing suicides and people dealing with it, I think two months may be enough to be able to get back to doing things. She'll still be devastated but she'll likely keep living and being productive

I really hope so, but if my sister does not start it in a week she will miss it forever and I'm not sure if she's going to catch the same or better opportunities. I'm concerned about this because my sister is leaving my country in a week, and maybe if I CTB this week, she will rather choose to stay here because if she doesn't do so, my mom will be left alone and my mom will need her...

 

[J&L383]

You are definitely in a bind. . While you can't live exclusively for others, you can't be expected to put their concerns and needs over your own welfare. Without knowing the details I can only say that you really have to try to envision the long-term outcomes for the different scenarios, and see what seems more rational (and doable on your part). It would be nice if you could just exit peacefully and quietly, and not wrinkle anyone's future, but in this world, because we're social beings, it's impossible. I do wish you the best with whatever you decide.

 

[lollblanca]

You are definitely in a bind. . While you can't live exclusively for others, you can't be expected to put their concerns and needs over your own welfare. Without knowing the details I can only say that you really have to try to envision the long-term outcomes for the different scenarios, and see what seems more rational (and doable on your part). It would be nice if you could just exit peacefully and quietly, and not wrinkle anyone's future, but in this world, because we're social beings, it's impossible. I do wish you the best with whatever you decide.

Thanks for the kind words. You're right; I cannot leave this world without hurting anyone. I have to face it but it's not that easy.. I thought having SN would solve all my problems but now I realize it doesn't and I just hope what I'll make is the best.

 

[DoMore]

There's an interesting question posed in another thread which is effectively asking whether having the means to ctb itself brings a lessening of the pressure. Now that you have your SN you may find that you're capable of living longer knowing that your death is now in your hands. It's only a theory and I'm not suggesting that it's the case for you, it's just something worth mulling over. Ultimately it's your choice, do what's best for you. If it were me, I think if I could give a parting gift to those I care the most for, I would be strongly tempted to do so. But don't feel selfish if you decide to do it now, I mean, when you know, you know.

All the best.

 

[lollblanca]

There's an interesting question posed in another thread which is effectively asking whether having the means to ctb itself brings a lessening of the pressure. Now that you have your SN you may find that you're capable of living longer knowing that your death is now in your hands. It's only a theory and I'm not suggesting that it's the case for you, it's just something worth mulling over. Ultimately it's your choice, do what's best for you. If it were me, I think if I could give a parting gift to those I care the most for, I would be strongly tempted to do so. But don't feel selfish if you decide to do it now, I mean, when you know, you know.

All the best.

Yeah, you're totally right. Perhaps my survival instincts may have made me consider all of the above. I really want to give them my last gift: time. Your advice has been super helpful, I'll make my decision more cautiously because, as you said, my family means a lot to me, and I really don't want to hurt them anymore. There's no need to rush for sure, I can CTB whenever I want. Maybe I should take this easy.... even though it feels impossible. thanks a lot

 

[waterworks]

I'll start off by saying I don't think there really is an afterlife. All the pain you may hold on to, and the regret of the state you'll live your sister in, will vanish in 500 years. Not a trace of those emotions will remain, you and sister, will eternally be at peace, regardless of what you choose now. But yes, there will be some moment of hardship when you go. I think you want your sister to have the best of her life; if you will feel waiting until she's gone and starting her other life, will make you most happy, then it's okay to wait. But it's equally okay to leave if you feel that will make you most happy.

We are raised with the misconception that suicide is selfish. Because we're taught death is the worst thing that can happen, so you must never inflict the pain of it on those you love. But what if it isn't the worst thing. What if it's the best thing that can ever happen to someone; would we want that for them? Wouldn't your sister understand if she knew your pain? I believe mine would, though I know she won't when I ctb. SO regardless of what I leave behind, eventually everything will be fine. So too for you. Whatever you decide.

 

[lollblanca]

I'll start off by saying I don't think there really is an afterlife. All the pain you may hold on to, and the regret of the state you'll live your sister in, will vanish in 500 years. Not a trace of those emotions will remain, you and sister, will eternally be at peace, regardless of what you choose now. But yes, there will be some moment of hardship when you go. I think you want your sister to have the best of her life; if you will feel waiting until she's gone and starting her other life, will make you most happy, then it's okay to wait. But it's equally okay to leave if you feel that will make you most happy.

We are raised with the misconception that suicide is selfish. Because we're taught death is the worst thing that can happen, so you must never inflict the pain of it on those you love. But what if it isn't the worst thing. What if it's the best thing that can ever happen to someone; would we want that for them? Wouldn't your sister understand if she knew your pain? I believe mine would, though I know she won't when I ctb. SO regardless of what I leave behind, eventually everything will be fine. So too for you. Whatever you decide.

Thanks for your kind words. I'm not really sure about the decision I need to make or if I'm capable of making it yet, but your words have really put me at ease. I really hope there's no afterlife or anything, and I hope my choice won't be selfish. Maybe I love my family too much to ignore even the small chance. It's been tough not being able to share my concerns with anyone, but I feel better knowing that some people understand my difficult situation, just like you. I wish you all the best as well

 

[waterworks]

Thanks for your kind words. I'm not really sure about the decision I need to make or if I'm capable of making it yet, but your words have really put me at ease. I really hope there's no afterlife or anything, and I hope my choice won't be selfish. Maybe I love my family too much to ignore even the small chance. It's been tough not being able to share my concerns with anyone, but I feel better knowing that some people understand my difficult situation, just like you. I wish you all the best as well

You're welcome and thank you also for the wishes. You know, the funniest thing I came to figure out when I got older is how the idea that we have things figured out, it just pretend. No one really knows what's going on, but a lot of people are trusting in what they think is happening. In the same way, I doubt anyone can answer to what's best to do for you, but yes, I can understand. We can not know together, and stumble along.