Porn

[ningaman151]

Porn and mdma have a lot in common. In this in my current situation it always gets to a point where I need to get some pleasure. I always feel low and tired and mundane. The only times I felt good was when I was around my crush in school, and when I started talking to this girl online a couple of years ago. Other than that it is just a tiring and boring cycle. Wake up, eat, use the toilet, eat again, use the toilet, sleep. Gradually every action increasingly became a chore, and eventually, now, it has become a dreadful pain. I will admit, I am to blame for the shitty situation I'm in, but at the same time, there are a lot of factors that aren't in my control. I was psychotic (maybe that's not the right term, but what's in my head and what's real weren't always the same) and extremely anxious ever since I was young. I thought going to university was going to be the big change for me, but things just got worse. Honestly, objectively reality is not that bad, or maybe we just learned to enjoy our suffering. It does make sense for there to be a reality. None the less even death is not a release, we will live our last moments in the same state of confusion and despair. Maybe there would be a feeling of satisfaction as we know that it is over. Our last moments will be as suggested, our final moments, it will be the demise of our mind.

 

[Giih]

I feel pleasure when I feel pain, I used to hurt myself to obtain this pleasure, I think death is exciting, especially when we are willing to do It.

 

[ningaman151]

I feel pleasure when I feel pain, I used to hurt myself to obtain this pleasure, I think death is exciting, especially when we are willing to do It.

In a lot of ways death is exciting. It is the great mystery. I wish I wasn't so sensitive to pain, I wasn't always this way, I used to have a high tolerance for it. I guess I reached my breaking point.

 

[Giih]

I like pain, is like If I'm alive when I know all of me is dead.

I guess I reached my breaking point in my mind