Poor communication and getting it wrong

[unabletocope]

I was brought up and told I had speech delay from a young age, which meant I would have issues in life by default. It was reinforced to me all my life, my mum has always referred to it and made an issue of it to me. I have never felt secure in my ability to communicate, I have always felt my ability to communicate was not strong enough. I think when it mattered I went wrong and guess what, it's down to not responding instinctively, when people are hitting on you and you don't respond in the moment, you're socially awkward, when you keep turning up at someone's work to catch up with them but say nothing, that's socially unacceptable and awkward both at once. My head is caught in a wheel that I can't escape and I'm going to kill myself, I am desperate for a method that works and is not painful, I wish I could OD myself to sleep and heaven

 

[theboy]

social skills can be worked on. i have problems with it too and it's hard for me to deal with it. on the other hand, i think your problem can be solved. pm anything.

 

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Social anxiety breeds more social anxiety, friend. I feel for you and your plight, but I do agree with the poster above me who said your problem can be solved. I wish you the best and hope you can find those solutions before taking the final journey.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Sounds like a rough upbringing especially the way it your own mother handled it.

Your typing here is communicating clearly. Many are living in social isolation and getting interaction primarily online these days, probably especially here. This is not to minimize your condition at all! What I am saying is, do not envy smooth talkers too much. It's a small percentage of the population anyhow and (in my opinion) many of them are smarmy fake scum anyway, not solid sources of social support. Many of the everyday people you see in life say nothing but artificial shit to get by and retreat to reading on the internet in their free moments for more authentic communication anyway (or echo chambers), and for those of us that are severely introverted, mostly lurk to get that fix. I almost never talked online but my social isolation has been breaking me and I've written more here in a week than I've typed online in years.

Even years ago working a fancy job with 'friends and colleagues' and heavy weekend normie drinking bullshit, people were mostly texting and in person are awkward or just say dumb shit hoping to get grins and approval. Maybe you did not mess up as much as you think.
People are not so fast and witty unless they are trying to one-up each other in pointless political dick measuring contests. The more talkative people I have encountered in life like to ramble on with braggadocio and a conversation can be maintained by just prodding them on every now and again: "you really do have the cutest dog!", "she actually said that!?", "you do deserve a raise" and so on.

I am not trying to talk you out of it or saying you do not have a valid reason to CTB. Just saying, in the modern internet world you are valid, real life has become awkward as fuck over my 40 years anyway. It's hostile and nasty out there. I am weary of socially smooth people.