[Poll] When do you plan to ctb?

[color_me_gone]

I do not want to bother my mother's life either

I totally understand. Most of us here are hanging on by only a thin thread because there is someone we deeply wish to not hurt. So, ya, it really tears us apart. Wish you well! Hope you can find the strength to find your peace.

 

[lemmeeleev]

I really have no reason to ctb or not to ctb, so I'll leave whenever I decide to. I'm just sick of living. So unless I find something to live for, I'll ctb before July.

 

[Lil_Intro_Vert]

I keep bouncing from "life is hopeless and nothing can stop me from killing myself" to "maybe life does have a point and i can make it to college and get a cool job", i tried to kill myself a couple weeks ago but chickened out. If i get super apathetic i might try again, but i really am playing it by ear, and if my life feels unbearable I'll probably jump ship regardless of how it affects those around me, as shitty as it sounds

 

[brighter]

Im in pain. I dont really know what it is. I dont know where its coming from.

I want to say i used to be happier but to be honest, i used to be less exposed.

 

[brighter]

Max ehrmann tells me that i should not distress myself "with dark imaginings" for "many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness" . i want to listen to him but i keep waking up wanting to be dead. How do i get rid of the sadness?

 

[LongSeason]

I keep bouncing from "life is hopeless and nothing can stop me from killing myself" to "maybe life does have a point and i can make it to college and get a cool job", i tried to kill myself a couple weeks ago but chickened out. If i get super apathetic i might try again, but i really am playing it by ear, and if my life feels unbearable I'll probably jump ship regardless of how it affects those around me, as shitty as it sounds

I went through the same shit, I was about to do it but in the end I gave up and chickened out too.
If you want to talk about it some more PM me.

 

[15dec]

I keep bouncing from "life is hopeless and nothing can stop me from killing myself" to "maybe life does have a point and i can make it to college and get a cool job", i tried to kill myself a couple weeks ago but chickened out. If i get super apathetic i might try again, but i really am playing it by ear, and if my life feels unbearable I'll probably jump ship regardless of how it affects those around me, as shitty as it sounds

This is probably how I'll end up going too. I really want to ctb as soon as possible but things keep cropping up to make me think that maybe there's a point in me being here after all, then as soon as I start to think like that something happens a day or two later to remind me there isn't. I'll probably take a few more blows before one pushes me over the edge and ends up with me actually ctb.

 

[couragetodie]

I remember when I was young and thought everything was hopeless. Then I fought the depression, graduated from a top school, fell in love, made money, traveled the world, and thought that I had defeated depression and hopelessness. Now I am in a severe depression and know ctb is my only answer out. Life is so strange. We are programmed to want to live but for me I now know that I can't live. I loved life. Some part of me still loves life but there is so much more pain and chaos for me. It's different for everyone I think. Some of us can survive. I seem to be one of those who cannot. Of course, I am a bit drunk right now as I am nearing my time to ctb and sobriety for me has been a real bitch.

 

[color_me_gone]

hey couragetodie
My life experience is similar to yours. Please read the info tab on my profile page. Want to talk?

 

[Sixfeetunder]

Hopefully by the end of this month for me. Even a 4 hour shift at work burns me out. I can't function like a normal person. It's definitely not as severe as a lot of people on here have it, but I just can't go on like this.

 

[throwaway123]

I am going to do it before the end of 2019. I do not know when excactly but I do know that it will be spontaneous. I honestly don't know when it will be. The past couple of days have been pretty rough and at this point it could be any day now.

 

[ParamitePie]

Tomorrow.

 

[HelensNepenthe]

Playing it by ear. First is securing finances and then I'll contact A. Alternatively, if that doesn't work, I'll do it when I secure a gun. Which will be sometime this year.

 

[Smashingairwaves]

As soon as my SN arrives. Which should be next week hopefully

 

[deflagrat]

If I lose my disability benefits, I may think about CTB again. I am still not sure about when but I don't want to make my parents sad.

 

[EmotionlessWanderer]

I plan to do it next week as soon as possible. My suicide supplies have arrived however my household is off today, Friday and the weekend so I can't exactly sneak out without arousing suspicion. This last weekend will probably be meh but there's nothing I can do about it.

 

[brighter]

i dont know why but every time i listen to 'scared to love' (Juice WRLD) i hear "I been hurt but I aint beyond yet". Google tells me its "I been hurt but I'm beyond that"
thoughts?

 

[brighter]

I plan to do it next week as soon as possible. My suicide supplies have arrived however my household is off today, Friday and the weekend so I can't exactly sneak out without arousing suspicion. This last weekend will probably be meh but there's nothing I can do about it.

If its your last weekend then you gotta let go of everyone around you, everything going on around you and remember they cant do anything to you anymore. Go out and do whatever you want cos if theres nothing after this then you've lived through all you will ever be given.
I hope you find peace, alive or dead. Peace x

 

[TAW122]

I plan to ctb when I've burnt all my bridges, have no where left to run/hide from the depressing reality that is life, and at the end of my rope (figuratively speaking). Therefore, I don't really have a set date or time as it heavily depends on my circumstances (e.g. if things suddenly goes to shit in months, and I'm facing a long term crisis and with no real chance to recover (such as barely getting back on my feet), then I would ctb.)

 

[BjartNO]

I had a bit of a resurgence throughout January. It all went to shit, so now I'm back on the bus stop again. There's an early Feb birthday I want to avoid, but jfc., I just really want to die now.