I don't know where to start.
At any rate, I am lucky to have found this website!
I am 18 years old and about to graduate from high school. My father committed suicide when I was 12. My mother divorced my father after I was born. She had mental problems and attempted suicide many times.
I was raised by my father and grandmother. I was always studying from the time I found myself in school, and if I did not want to study, I was beaten with a "futon beater" or a leather belt. I was forced to constantly compete with my classmates and was forced to take entrance exams to prestigious girls' junior high schools.
My father committed suicide by jumping off the balcony of our apartment building six months before I was to take the junior high school entrance exam.
My father was a doctor. He opened a hospital and made a huge fortune. However, he was abnormally obsessed with his educational background and always looked down on essential workers.
My grandmother was the same way. She always laughed at me and said, "If you take away your studies, what is left? She always laughed at me.
When I was taken in by my uncle, aunt, and one younger cousin, there was no place for me. I was bullied in elementary school.
As expected, I was enrolled in the middle school that my grandmother and father "wanted me to go to. I really wanted to go to a different school.
It was an all-girls school with very strict rules, and all the girls were applying to Tokyo University and medical school.
I always felt there was no place for me there either. Eventually I couldn't go to school anymore and transferred to a public junior high school. I played the "normal, anywhere girl" role there as much as I could.
When I showed people around me that I was "mentally abnormal," they looked at me differently, like blood going into water. My homeroom teacher, who was transferred from the city and hated the "elites," hated me. Everything was painful.
When I took the entrance exam for high school, I was told, "Guys like you can't go to prep school," and I was half forced to take the entrance exam for the high school I don't wanted to go to. My uncle, who was the office manager of the hospital that my father managed, told me, "When I said you were going to that high school, everyone at my hospital was sad."
After I went to high school, I went to school by train, but I couldn't make friends and ate my meals alone in the bathroom. I wanted to die. I really wanted to die. When I went home, I found myself living alone with my grandmother, who was suffering from advanced dementia.
I'm sorry, Grandma.
My depression progressed and I decided I could no longer attend school, so I transferred to a school where I could homeschool on my own. My uncle scoffed.
I am going to take my college entrance exam in three days.
After that, I will die.
I really, really wanted to die.
I've forgotten my real family and friends.
My grandma is at my uncle and aunt's house and my grandma's old age is not a problem.
I am interested in suicide by helium gas, hanging, jumping, and diphenhydramine overdose. If anyone knows more about this, could you please explain in plain English or post a link?
Thanks for taking a look.
At any rate, I am lucky to have found this website!
I am 18 years old and about to graduate from high school. My father committed suicide when I was 12. My mother divorced my father after I was born. She had mental problems and attempted suicide many times.
I was raised by my father and grandmother. I was always studying from the time I found myself in school, and if I did not want to study, I was beaten with a "futon beater" or a leather belt. I was forced to constantly compete with my classmates and was forced to take entrance exams to prestigious girls' junior high schools.
My father committed suicide by jumping off the balcony of our apartment building six months before I was to take the junior high school entrance exam.
My father was a doctor. He opened a hospital and made a huge fortune. However, he was abnormally obsessed with his educational background and always looked down on essential workers.
My grandmother was the same way. She always laughed at me and said, "If you take away your studies, what is left? She always laughed at me.
When I was taken in by my uncle, aunt, and one younger cousin, there was no place for me. I was bullied in elementary school.
As expected, I was enrolled in the middle school that my grandmother and father "wanted me to go to. I really wanted to go to a different school.
It was an all-girls school with very strict rules, and all the girls were applying to Tokyo University and medical school.
I always felt there was no place for me there either. Eventually I couldn't go to school anymore and transferred to a public junior high school. I played the "normal, anywhere girl" role there as much as I could.
When I showed people around me that I was "mentally abnormal," they looked at me differently, like blood going into water. My homeroom teacher, who was transferred from the city and hated the "elites," hated me. Everything was painful.
When I took the entrance exam for high school, I was told, "Guys like you can't go to prep school," and I was half forced to take the entrance exam for the high school I don't wanted to go to. My uncle, who was the office manager of the hospital that my father managed, told me, "When I said you were going to that high school, everyone at my hospital was sad."
After I went to high school, I went to school by train, but I couldn't make friends and ate my meals alone in the bathroom. I wanted to die. I really wanted to die. When I went home, I found myself living alone with my grandmother, who was suffering from advanced dementia.
I'm sorry, Grandma.
My depression progressed and I decided I could no longer attend school, so I transferred to a school where I could homeschool on my own. My uncle scoffed.
I am going to take my college entrance exam in three days.
After that, I will die.
I really, really wanted to die.
I've forgotten my real family and friends.
My grandma is at my uncle and aunt's house and my grandma's old age is not a problem.
I am interested in suicide by helium gas, hanging, jumping, and diphenhydramine overdose. If anyone knows more about this, could you please explain in plain English or post a link?
Thanks for taking a look.
よろしくおねがいします
