Planning to hang myself next year. Don't want to make it to 30.

[RedPanda]

Hi everyone

My first post here. I think the titles says it all, planning to CTB next year. I have a set date on my calender and reminders leading up to the day (it will take place in December, just before 2021). Planning to hang myself in my wardrobe with a belt but still not entirely sure if a belt is the right method right now, still doing tons of research. I've decided to either hang or jump, looking for something that's quick and painless. I know with hanging u can go unconscious in about 5-10 seconds and with jumping...well, you'll die immediately if its a sufficient height and you land on your head.

I've actually lived a pretty good life. Grew up with loving parents, never experienced any true hardships, met lots of cool people during my life, still have best friends. It might sound very odd but i feel like I've lived my life to the fullest. I've done and experienced so much that i feel like life has come to an inevitable closure for me. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like this might be quite odd.

I've created a career for myself that i enjoy so much and pays well. I've traveled to so many countries, experienced so many cool things, made friends, fallen in love, I've done so much. I'm actually happy and ready to die. I don't even feel depressed, i'm just content with dying. It's like playing a video game and reaching the level cap and now i'm ready to just ascend and move on at 29, i don't see myself making it to 30. The thing is, even though i say i'm not depressed i might be mentally ill, not sure. I feel like we should all have a choice when we want to die as well. I wish euthanasia clinics were just accessible to everyone and you could choose to die whenever u wanted to die.

Still living with my dad, he will probably take it the hardest. He's diabetic as well so the aftermath of my actions will probably lead to him killing himself as well, that is his choice. I love him a lot BUT obviously i feel like i have the right to die as well whenever i decide. I don't really talk to any family and have 3 friends which i talk to often.

Anyway, i'll probably make more posts later on when it's closer to the time, i really don't want to screw up the procedure...obviously. That's why i need to do proper research.

Anyone with any good links on hanging or even jumping will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Anyway, just found this thread, seems to be quite good related to hanging. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-to-hang-yourself.1183/page-52

TO ADD TO THIS POST. Just had a look at N (Nembutal) and had no idea this is what is actually used at Euthanasia clinics for human-beings. Seems like the most painless and quickest way to die. Might go this route, hardest part is actually obtaining N but i found a website that sells it to the public. https://www.nembutalwithdignity.com/ also found a megathred for N https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/megathread-getting-n-from-a.2544/

Saving these links on this thread so i can refer to it later.

 

[HGL91]

Hi everyone

My first post here. I think the titles says it all, planning to CTB next year. I have a set date on my calender and reminders leading up to the day (it will take place in December, just before 2021). Planning to hang myself in my wardrobe with a belt but still not entirely sure if a belt is the right method right now, still doing tons of research. I've decided to either hang or jump, looking for something that's quick and painless. I know with hanging u can go unconscious in about 5-10 seconds and with jumping...well, you'll die immediately if its a sufficient height and you land on your head.

I've actually lived a pretty good life. Grew up with loving parents, never experienced any true hardships, met lots of cool people during my life, still have best friends. It might sound very odd but i feel like I've lived my life to the fullest. I've done and experienced so much that i feel like life has come to an inevitable closure for me. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like this might be quite odd.

I've created a career for myself that i enjoy so much and pays well. I've traveled to so many countries, experienced so many cool things, made friends, fallen in love, I've done so much. I'm actually happy and ready to die. I don't even feel depressed, i'm just content with dying. It's like playing a video game and reaching the level cap and now i'm ready to just ascend and move on at 29, i don't see myself making it to 30. The thing is, even though i say i'm not depressed i might be mentally ill, not sure. I feel like we should all have a choice when we want to die as well. I wish euthanasia clinics were just accessible to everyone and you could choose to die whenever u wanted to die.

Still living with my dad, he will probably take it the hardest. He's diabetic as well so the aftermath of my actions will probably lead to him killing himself as well, that is his choice. I love him a lot BUT obviously i feel like i have the right to die as well whenever i decide. I don't really talk to any family and have 3 friends which i talk to often.

Anyway, i'll probably make more posts later on when it's closer to the time, i really don't want to screw up the procedure...obviously. That's why i need to do proper research.

Anyone with any good links on hanging or even jumping will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I can actually relate, though I'm 27. I've done a lot of fun things in life and I'm not interested in getting married and having kids, so going forward to work a job and spend time with friends until I'm too sick or poor to do that just seems repetitive and depressing. I'd rather end life while I still have some good things in my life, so I feel more clear-headed and peaceful.

 

[Alec]

Make use of the search bar option on the site, can't give any links as I haven't really looked into this method. I want to say this, if you are looking for an easy and oeacefull, look up her N(Nembutal) or SN(Sodium Nitrite).

 

[RedPanda]

I can actually relate, though I'm 27. I've done a lot of fun things in life and I'm not interested in getting married and having kids, so going forward to work a job and spend time with friends until I'm too sick or poor to do that just seems repetitive and depressing. I'd rather end life while I still have some good things in my life, so I feel more clear-headed and peaceful.

Interesting, first time i'm reading someone relate to this. Yup exactly, also no plans for a family and kids so the rest of my journey seems mundane. I really enjoy my career so that will keep me motivated and entertained until then but i'm just ready to move on. It might seem really odd to have lived a great life and still currently live one but actually want to CTB. Anyway i hope we both find peace in our decisions. Life is all about choice and i have made mine.

Make use of the search bar option on the site, can't give any links as I haven't really looked into this method. I want to say this, if you are looking for an easy and oeacefull, look up her N(Nembutal) or SN(Sodium Nitrite).

Thank you for the recommendations, i haven't heard about these so i'll look into it. Appreciate the share!

 

[Maravillosa]

Many gentle hugs if you want them. You remind me a bit of Tara Condell:

Her suicide note
A critique
Another critique

 

[RedPanda]

Many gentle hugs if you want them. You remind me a bit of Tara Condell:

Her suicide note
A critique
Another critique

Thank you for the links, i will have a look at this.

I feel strangely peaceful and happy that i can share my thoughts on here and not be judged. The fact that this forum is pro-choice is the reason i joined. I feel like if we want to die we should be allowed to decide when we want to leave this earth.

 

[HGL91]

@RedPanda Yeah. I think it's pretty rare to get this far in life and have it pretty good! Though yes, I think that without the whole getting married and dealing with relationship stuff and raising children and that whole thing, it can get very mundane. That's awesome you have a career you enjoy though.

Best of luck on your final endeavor!

 

[RedPanda]

Make use of the search bar option on the site, can't give any links as I haven't really looked into this method. I want to say this, if you are looking for an easy and oeacefull, look up her N(Nembutal) or SN(Sodium Nitrite).

I just want to add that you are a saint for recommending NEMBUTAL, i seriously had no idea this is what was used in those documentaries you watch on youtube about the Euthanasia clinics in Switzerland. I watched so many of these videos but they never specified what liquid they were drinking in the video before they died. They also die very peacefully, it's like going to sleep. Thank you for the recommendation. I also found a site that sells it (not sure if it's a scam, still need to do research) and i need 100ml for my weight and age for it to be lethal. Thank you again for this recommendation, it basically saves me from having to research about more gruesome methods.

 

[HGL91]

I just want to add that you are a saint for recommending NEMBUTAL, i seriously had no idea this is what was used in those documentaries you watch on youtube about the Euthanasia clinics in Switzerland. I watched so many of these videos but they never specified what liquid they were drinking in the video before they died. They also die very peacefully, it's like going to sleep. Thank you for the recommendation. I also found a site that sells it (not sure if it's a scam, still need to do research) and i need 100ml for my weight and age for it to be lethal. Thank you again for this recommendation, it basically saves me from having to research about more gruesome methods.

How'd you find the amount needed for your age and weight??

 

[FF777]

I pretty much agree with your disposition towards life.. I really hate taking any thing too seriously, and a theory I have is that when you start taking life too seriously is when you start suffering.. Some people get too attached to their lives and then when they start suffering too much, they are too attached to their life to ever suicide, so they just end up suffering through the pain..

I believe every person should have the right to euthanasia if it is determined that it is really what they want and not just a spur-of-the-moment idea.. Fortunately though, no matter what type of laws are enacted against suicide, if some one really desires it strongly enough they can usually find a way..

And about your dad....or more accurately, any one you leave behind: I don't think any one should have to live for other people.. I mean would you want some one to tell you "Hey I really want to die, but I haven't killed my self yet because it might hurt you too much"?.. We can try to mitigate other people's pain from suicide a tiny bit (maybe by things you put in your suicide note, etc), but in the end we really have no choice but to leave them to their own devices and let them deal with it how ever they will.. We don't want them to have to go through some thing like that, but like I said, we can't live solely for the sake of other people..

When I was a teenager, I actually never wanted to live past age 30.. I just never liked the idea of getting old, and I always sort of had a vague idea that I would probably end up suiciding later in life after I reached age 30+..

Well....I was fairly happy most of my life.....but then some thing devestating happened to me at age 30; I had listened to headphones too loudly for too many years and I caused my self hearing damage, but worst of all I got tinnitus and hyperacusis (being really sensitive to sound, it hurts my ears, even normal medium-volume sounds)..
It threw me down in to a ridiculously deep depression....I couldn't even function or do any thing....I was super depressed for several years, and I found out I was too attached to my life because I was willing to suffer through all of that depression instead of killing my self like I should have.. (I was suffering from the tinnitus sounds by the way.. It drives you ABSOLUTELY CRAZY.. And also from the hyperacusis, so I always have to protect my ears)..
Eventually I guess my mentalness got so sick of suffering that it made me stop caring about my life any more, as a mechanism to stop the deep pain from being depressed... So now I don't even care about my life any more...I am not attached to my life very much at all any more, and I really don't care if I die any more..

I am now 37 and even though I'm not super depressed any more, I have never been able to get back near the levels of happiness I felt before age 30.. I am tentatively planning on catching the train to hell either around winter of this year (2019 december) or winter of next year (2020 december).. The reason I might wait until next year is kind of silly; I actually enjoy playing switch games like mario and xenoblade2 and other stuff, and I do have some online friends I talk to on riot (riot is like an open-source version of discord), and so I wanted some more time to play games and talk to those people.. Also would give me a chance to vote once more in the presidential election.. So we might end up leaving at the same time (unless I extend my life again, which I have a bad habit of doing).. And the reason I chose december is because I like choosing astrological dates like the vernal equinox, summer solstice, autumnal equinox, and winter solstice..

I know I've already written tons, but I'm always overly verbose so whatever...deal with it.. But I wanted to say that, I think different people have different levels of standards they have for their life.. Some people can lose both their legs, be in a wheelchair, be homeless, and have cancer, and they will still try to keep on struggling through life and living some how with out even thinking about suicide.. Other people might choose suicide just because they don't feel quite as happy with life as they used to, even though nothing in particular is going that bad in their life..
Each person sets their own standard they have for life, and I believe that it is no place for other people to dictate where an other person's standard should be set at.. The homeless crippled man might yell at some one else suiciding over merely losing one of their favorite cars in a wreck, but that is still their prerogative and their choice, not the homeless guy's.. Nobody should be forced to lower their standards of living way way down just because you can find some one else some where in the world that is able to struggle through such a level of pain with out suiciding yet..

One more thing: The method I will be using is probably the helium tank (also known as exit bag i think).. Jumping is going to be scary as hell, and you might have a heart-attack from fear even before you hit the ground.. If you can get N that every one talks about I suppose that would be easier than helium, but for me, I just don't want to have to deal with trying to find it, and then worrying about it being delivered successfully with out being flagged etc.. But that's just me, but wanted to just tell you that you might look in to helium, but definitely wouldn't want to jump if it were me..

Love and light

 

[mathieu]

I can't relate to having a good life, mine was a disaster, but I am 28 and also determined not to hit 30. For me that is good time to finish up.

 

[RedPanda]

How'd you find the amount needed for your age and weight??

Not sure of the legitimacy of this website for buying BUT they do have a lethal dose calculator. So you input your age and weight and it calculates the amount of ml needed for the dose to be lethal, for me it's 100ml and it will do the job. I'm opting for the liquid as i just find it easier to consume, will probably taste really bad but not keen on injections or tablets. Here is the calculator i found https://www.nembutalwithdignity.com/lethal-dose-calculator/#1559865951054-6ab8229d-4659

 

[Shamana]

Hi everyone

My first post here. I think the titles says it all, planning to CTB next year. I have a set date on my calender and reminders leading up to the day (it will take place in December, just before 2021). Planning to hang myself in my wardrobe with a belt but still not entirely sure if a belt is the right method right now, still doing tons of research. I've decided to either hang or jump, looking for something that's quick and painless. I know with hanging u can go unconscious in about 5-10 seconds and with jumping...well, you'll die immediately if its a sufficient height and you land on your head.

I've actually lived a pretty good life. Grew up with loving parents, never experienced any true hardships, met lots of cool people during my life, still have best friends. It might sound very odd but i feel like I've lived my life to the fullest. I've done and experienced so much that i feel like life has come to an inevitable closure for me. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like this might be quite odd.

I've created a career for myself that i enjoy so much and pays well. I've traveled to so many countries, experienced so many cool things, made friends, fallen in love, I've done so much. I'm actually happy and ready to die. I don't even feel depressed, i'm just content with dying. It's like playing a video game and reaching the level cap and now i'm ready to just ascend and move on at 29, i don't see myself making it to 30. The thing is, even though i say i'm not depressed i might be mentally ill, not sure. I feel like we should all have a choice when we want to die as well. I wish euthanasia clinics were just accessible to everyone and you could choose to die whenever u wanted to die.

Still living with my dad, he will probably take it the hardest. He's diabetic as well so the aftermath of my actions will probably lead to him killing himself as well, that is his choice. I love him a lot BUT obviously i feel like i have the right to die as well whenever i decide. I don't really talk to any family and have 3 friends which i talk to often.

Anyway, i'll probably make more posts later on when it's closer to the time, i really don't want to screw up the procedure...obviously. That's why i need to do proper research.

Anyone with any good links on hanging or even jumping will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Anyway, just found this thread, seems to be quite good related to hanging. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-to-hang-yourself.1183/page-52

TO ADD TO THIS POST. Just had a look at N (Nembutal) and had no idea this is what is actually used at Euthanasia clinics for human-beings. Seems like the most painless and quickest way to die. Might go this route, hardest part is actually obtaining N but i found a website that sells it to the public. https://www.nembutalwithdignity.com/ also found a megathred for N https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/megathread-getting-n-from-a.2544/

Saving these links on this thread so i can refer to it later.

I honestly disagree with your reasons to suicide. The choice is yours, but i honestly think you have it too good to just throw your life away.
Forget Nembutal that is not from A. Its a scam.

 

[RedPanda]

I honestly disagree with your reasons to suicide. The choice is yours, but i honestly think you have it too good to just throw your life away.
Forget Nembutal that is not from A. Its a scam.

I understand but i really feel like i'm done with life now and would prefer to move on to be completely honest. We all have to die someday, i'm just choosing when i go because it just feels right to me, don't really care about throwing my life away.

Ok thank you for the heads up, it seems like a major pain to get your hands on. My other method is actually mentioned above which is the helium tank, also seems quick and painless with unconsciousness setting in fairly quickly.

Hi everyone

My first post here. I think the titles says it all, planning to CTB next year. I have a set date on my calender and reminders leading up to the day (it will take place in December, just before 2021). Planning to hang myself in my wardrobe with a belt but still not entirely sure if a belt is the right method right now, still doing tons of research. I've decided to either hang or jump, looking for something that's quick and painless. I know with hanging u can go unconscious in about 5-10 seconds and with jumping...well, you'll die immediately if its a sufficient height and you land on your head.

I've actually lived a pretty good life. Grew up with loving parents, never experienced any true hardships, met lots of cool people during my life, still have best friends. It might sound very odd but i feel like I've lived my life to the fullest. I've done and experienced so much that i feel like life has come to an inevitable closure for me. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like this might be quite odd.

I've created a career for myself that i enjoy so much and pays well. I've traveled to so many countries, experienced so many cool things, made friends, fallen in love, I've done so much. I'm actually happy and ready to die. I don't even feel depressed, i'm just content with dying. It's like playing a video game and reaching the level cap and now i'm ready to just ascend and move on at 29, i don't see myself making it to 30. The thing is, even though i say i'm not depressed i might be mentally ill, not sure. I feel like we should all have a choice when we want to die as well. I wish euthanasia clinics were just accessible to everyone and you could choose to die whenever u wanted to die.

Still living with my dad, he will probably take it the hardest. He's diabetic as well so the aftermath of my actions will probably lead to him killing himself as well, that is his choice. I love him a lot BUT obviously i feel like i have the right to die as well whenever i decide. I don't really talk to any family and have 3 friends which i talk to often.

Anyway, i'll probably make more posts later on when it's closer to the time, i really don't want to screw up the procedure...obviously. That's why i need to do proper research.

Anyone with any good links on hanging or even jumping will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Anyway, just found this thread, seems to be quite good related to hanging. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-to-hang-yourself.1183/page-52

TO ADD TO THIS POST. Just had a look at N (Nembutal) and had no idea this is what is actually used at Euthanasia clinics for human-beings. Seems like the most painless and quickest way to die. Might go this route, hardest part is actually obtaining N but i found a website that sells it to the public. https://www.nembutalwithdignity.com/ also found a megathred for N https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/megathread-getting-n-from-a.2544/

Saving these links on this thread so i can refer to it later.

I would like to add that the Helium Tank method has been added as a potential method for me. Will do plenty of research and finally decide which method i want to use. Nembutal seems like a serious pain to get your hands on so i'm doubting this method currently.

 

[Shamana]

I understand but i really feel like i'm done with life now and would prefer to move on to be completely honest. We all have to die someday, i'm just choosing when i go because it just feels right to me, don't really care about throwing my life away.

Ok thank you for the heads up, it seems like a major pain to get your hands on. My other method is actually mentioned above which is the helium tank, also seems quick and painless with unconsciousness setting in fairly quickly.


I would like to add that the Helium Tank method has been added as a potential method for me. Will do plenty of research and finally decide which method i want to use. Nembutal seems like a serious pain to get your hands on so i'm doubting this method currently.

When you talk about asceding in the OP what do you mean?

 

[Soul]

When you talk about asceding in the OP what do you mean?

I believe s/he means ascending to the next level in a game, although it has a nice metaphysical ring to it.

@RedPanda s are wonderful animals. I admire the coolness of your approach. It's like recording a piece of music - of course the artist decides when the piece is complete, and not every composition needs to be a full-length opera.

And yes, there should be "exit booths" located about as frequently as bank machines. Still, you sound independent enough to value a DIY approach.

Keep us posted, please; but please don't post links to any potential sources anymore, ok? It's against the forum rules.

 

[Hotsackage]

Thanks for reminding me to buy a belt

 

[Shamana]

Again all of this is your choice, but If you say that you have a good life and have lived a good live I think it's selfish of you to commit suicide while your father is alive. If you were chronically ill and had a low quality of life depends yes it could be justified, but it just sounds like you're bored which is a terrible reason for killing yourself.

 

[RedPanda]

I believe s/he means ascending to the next level in a game, although it has a nice metaphysical ring to it.

@RedPanda s are wonderful animals. I admire the coolness of your approach. It's like recording a piece of music - of course the artist decides when the piece is complete, and not every composition needs to be a full-length opera.

And yes, there should be "exit booths" located about as frequently as bank machines. Still, you sound independent enough to value a DIY approach.

Keep us posted, please; but please don't post links to any potential sources anymore, ok? It's against the forum rules.

Apologies about that, i'll refrain from posting anymore links, i'll just keep the ones already posted for future reference. Thank you for respecting my decision.

Again all of this is your choice, but If you say that you have a good life and have lived a good live I think it's selfish of you to commit suicide while your father is alive. If you were chronically ill and had a low quality of life depends yes it could be justified, but it just sounds like you're bored which is a terrible reason for killing yourself.

Thank you for at least respecting that fact that its my choice, i'll probably still go through with it, nothing will stop me to be honest. It's my life, i feel like i should have full control over it, that includes choosing to end my life as well. Selfish or not, doesn't bother me. Never asked to be born...well, none of us did SO we should at least have the freedom to choose when we want to leave.

P.S. New potential method added. Overdosing on Fentanyl, seems to be posted quite frequently on the forum. From all i know this is the same drug that killed Lil Peep.

 

[Laststop]

I was super depressed and sad when I reached 30. Not so much at 40; don't know why. But 50 is coming, and besides all the other reasons, I really don't want to turn 50.

 

[RedPanda]

I was super depressed and sad when I reached 30. Not so much at 40; don't know why. But 50 is coming, and besides all the other reasons, I really don't want to turn 50.

I don't know how common this is but I've noticed so many people in my life reach the absolute darkest times and the bottom of the barrel when they reach 28/29 years old. I also lost a good friend of mine who hung herself at 29 years old. Quite a few of my own family members didn't make it to 30 either, some were killed in accidents, others were suspected of suicide, others died from health complications. 28/29 seems to be a very very dark period, at least during my existence and from what I've noticed.

 

[RedPanda]

Just adding to my thread. SN is potential method.

+ metoclopramide or domperidone so u don't vomit.

SN megathread https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-megathread.1156/

 

[lookin4areason]

good luck. i've been depressed/suicidal since i was 12. that's when the thoughts starting creeping in,right at the beginning of junior high. i'm now 40 and nothing has changed for the better. i never wanted to be 40. never wanted to be 30,etc etc. yet i'm still here and still don't want to be. i think it's more because i'm scared of failure. i'm not scared to die, but i'm scared to fail and live with possible consequences (esp having everyone know the truth. i live with a mask on all these years,living a lie. just going through the motions of what is expected). when i do it it needs to be certain death and i'm not sure i have the ability for that. i'm a freakin loser, so it would be my luck to fuck up and be stuck here forever. i did once try to do it, back in 2005, actually this very month. didn't get far, i panicked. sigghhh. i think now i could be braver though, it's just a matter of doing it and stop putting it off anymore. I've done that too too long. i was actually planning to be gone before 40 (which i turned in april) and then got distracted, ended up planning a Europe trip which was great. but of course there is only one trip i truly want, the eternal one. i just need to get it done somehow.
i have certainly had a lot of great memories over the years, and ok maybe some things i'm glad i did get to experience. I've been to many places in travel, and met a lot of favorite celebs, and made some great friends.. but that's all just memories, and it's a temporary high. i still want nothing more than to move on from this life.
anyway...sorry to ramble on. whatever you choose to do, good luck to you and may you find the peace you look for.

 

[hunter_lewis]

If you have no 'real problem', why do you want to die? Can't you wait a few years till your parents go?
Of course, it is your choice.
I am dying of chronic pain and would love to be you. Every day I think of what I am missing-,trips, friends, family, a job, havimg kids, being able to walk pain free, the listis endless

 

[RedPanda]

If you have no 'real problem', why do you want to die? Can't you wait a few years till your parents go?
Of course, it is your choice.
I am dying of chronic pain and would love to be you. Every day I think of what I am missing-,trips, friends, family, a job, havimg kids, being able to walk pain free, the listis endless

I guess i could, only 1 parent left, my dad. My mom died in 2009. Postponing my death so my dad doesn't have to suffer might be an option, not sure...

 

[Lookingforabus]

If you have no 'real problem', why do you want to die? Can't you wait a few years till your parents go?
Of course, it is your choice.
I am dying of chronic pain and would love to be you. Every day I think of what I am missing-,trips, friends, family, a job, havimg kids, being able to walk pain free, the listis endless

All a matter of perspective. Being successful and having money and love and good people in your life and still being suicidal is its own kind of hell. I've spent a couple decades trying to drink and smoke and injure myself to death, and am jealous of folks with terminal illnesses. That way I could spare my loved ones some pain by waiting it out or dying in a way that would seem accidental or get chalked up to natural causes.

 

[Lady black]

I wish I had hanged myself succesfully before 30

 

[Shamana]

I guess i could, only 1 parent left, my dad. My mom died in 2009. Postponing my death so my dad doesn't have to suffer might be an option, not sure...

If you say that your death will probably lead to your dad's suicide, wouldn't it be the right thing to do to at least outlive him? At least since you write that you have a pretty good life at the end of the day. I'm sorry that I may come off as judgemental, but I think your reasons for suicide come off as pretty shitty when you have it good and know how it will effect others.

 

[RedPanda]

If you say that your death will probably lead to your dad's suicide, wouldn't it be the right thing to do to at least outlive him? At least since you write that you have a pretty good life at the end of the day. I'm sorry that I may come off as judgemental, but I think your reasons for suicide come off as pretty shitty when you have it good and know how it will effect others.

Don't apologize, you're judging me and that's the last thing i need. I'm leaning towards caring and not caring at all BUT i usually don't care if he suicides after me, that is his choice, he can do whatever he wants, i won't be here. If i want to stay or go it's my choice, i'm def leaning more towards going. I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if my life is good, if i want to go i can go, i have freedom of choice and isn't that the point of this forum anyway, to have a choice? This is my choice.

I wish I had hanged myself succesfully before 30

What stopped you?

 

[Lady black]

I survived