Discussion Planning to CTB feels like making a plan for breaking out of prison

[howtounborn]

Just had this thought recently. I plan to do it this year once I get a job and finish up my studies. But I've been thinking about it for years, waiting around just in case things got better.

I'm only waiting to get a job so that I have enough money if my attempt fails and I end up in a psych ward. I want to have contingency plans for all worst case scenarios, because I won't stop until I end this life. Most probably SN.

There's just so much cost associated with failing, just like if you try to escape prison you risk getting caught. You can't just walk out. You have to have extensive planning in case things go south, if you want to succeed.

What sad times I was born into.. where your life isn't your own.

 

[godforbidpain]

i feel you, so bad. i'm planning in advance too, for around a month in the future once i get moved out into a new place and i can more easily slip by to attempt. planning has almost been making me... giddy? a little bit excited, honestly.

 

[venerated-vader]

Damn if that's not the most relatable thing holy shit. It DOES feel like a prison break. And the excitement is ever present, too, once the misery of having to carry around that weight is gone. But it's never really gone. It feels like an insurmountable task, as I imagine it'd feel if I had to break out of prison… lol

 

[blueskies3]

The title made me laugh. And yea I got a job for the same reason. Im saving some money right now in case of a failed attempt because im worried I'll lose my job and have no money for resources to attempt again. This post was strangely relatable like the other commenter said.