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Story Planning to ctb by tonight

M

midastic

Student
Sep 1, 2018
139
Hey y'all,
I've been a lurker for quite a while and I have finally decided that I am going to try to CTB by tonight (Monday is a final deadline if it doesn't work). I already got my note done and I am going to hang myself with a belt when people in my house are asleep or away. I've practically accepted all consequences and feel that its worth it.

As for my reason:
I just couldn't deal with the OCD, anxiety, and depression that I just feel everyday and I face a huge amount of guilt for any bad actions that I have done in the past. High School also is pressuring my life as well due to the amount of stress I face each day. Overall, I just think life is so shitty for me that it isn't worth living it anymore.


If anything does go wrong or I end up in a psych ward, I will follow up on this post.

But other than that, I just want to enjoy the last moments of my life and have literally done everything to make this post anonymous in case some pro lifer comes and reports this to the suicide hotline.
 
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Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
383
midastic said:
Hey y'all,
I've been a lurker for quite a while and I have finally decided that I am going to try to CTB by tonight (Monday is a final deadline if it doesn't work). I already got my note done and I am going to hang myself with a belt when people in my house are asleep or away. I've practically accepted all consequences and feel that its worth it.

As for my reason:
I just couldn't deal with the OCD, anxiety, and depression that I just feel everyday and I face a huge amount of guilt for any bad actions that I have done in the past. High School also is pressuring my life as well due to the amount of stress I face each day. Overall, I just think life is so shitty for me that it isn't worth living it anymore.


If anything does go wrong or I end up in a psych ward, I will follow up on this post.

But other than that, I just want to enjoy the last moments of my life and have literally done everything to make this post anonymous in case some pro lifer comes and reports this to the suicide hotline.
Click to expand...
Hey. I'm sorry that life is shitty for you. Good luck with your attempt.
I hope that your last moments go well.

I'd say that the chance of anyone reporting you to authorities, let alone determine your identity, is near-impossible - and that's coming from someone who's extremely paranoid about being caught. But I understand your want to be anonymous as possible.

I hope that you gained some closure from posting here, even if you weren't able to post much out of fear of being discovered.
 
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M

midastic

Student
Sep 1, 2018
139
Anarchy said:
Hey. I'm sorry that life is shitty for you. Good luck with your attempt.
I hope that your last moments go well.

I'd say that the chance of anyone reporting you to authorities, let alone determine your identity, is near-impossible - and that's coming from someone who's extremely paranoid about being caught. But I understand your want to be anonymous as possible.

I hope that you gained some closure from posting here, even if you weren't able to post much out of fear of being discovered.
Click to expand...

Thank you, I usually get a ton of anxiety just from posting stuff like this especially since I heard of times where people in the subreddit SuicideWatch actually have been committed to a psych ward because some pro lifer has reported them.


lifeisagame said:
you think your life isn't worth living, your game not worth playing. but what if your rules of ocd, anxiety, and depression aren't the ones worth following? is this really the ending you think your game of life is worth?
Click to expand...

I agree with you, each of us have our own rules regarding at what point we would give up on the game and I personally feel that I have suffered long enough. The game is bitter though to many people and I seriously don't understand people who would force me to continue to play that bitter game especially if the ending of that game has the same miserable consequences.
 
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M

midastic

Student
Sep 1, 2018
139
Ryukil93 said:
Just realized OP said he's in high school...you're young. You could still get things together. You ever try therapy for your issues? OCD can be treated.
Click to expand...

I never really got the chance to get therapy due to the stigma on mental illnesses in my household and I can't really afford it either. That being said, OCD isn't the only thing that is affecting me but yeah if it were the only factor, I would probably have it under control for sure.
 
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G

GoneSeptember2018

Student
Aug 28, 2018
158
Another young person here. I hardly know what to say anymore. I hope you know nobody here expects you to do this and you can always come back here if you change your mind.
 
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M

midastic

Student
Sep 1, 2018
139
GoneSeptember2018 said:
Another young person here. I hardly know what to say anymore. I hope you know nobody here expects you to do this and you can always come back here if you change your mind.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I realized that, I have thought about this over months and just felt that I have suffered enough. Right now I am just waiting for a few hours in order to for my method to work. Hoping all goes well.
 
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throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Aug 5, 2018
1,446
midastic said:
Hey y'all,
I've been a lurker for quite a while and I have finally decided that I am going to try to CTB by tonight (Monday is a final deadline if it doesn't work). I already got my note done and I am going to hang myself with a belt when people in my house are asleep or away. I've practically accepted all consequences and feel that its worth it.

As for my reason:
I just couldn't deal with the OCD, anxiety, and depression that I just feel everyday and I face a huge amount of guilt for any bad actions that I have done in the past. High School also is pressuring my life as well due to the amount of stress I face each day. Overall, I just think life is so shitty for me that it isn't worth living it anymore.


If anything does go wrong or I end up in a psych ward, I will follow up on this post.

But other than that, I just want to enjoy the last moments of my life and have literally done everything to make this post anonymous in case some pro lifer comes and reports this to the suicide hotline.
Click to expand...

Hey, so this is very similar to my situation. I don't know how much longer I can go on.



Good luck. I hope you can find peace.
 
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M

midastic

Student
Sep 1, 2018
139
Gonna CTB 6-8 hours from now, I would like to thank you all for the support you have given me, you have no idea how much of a good impact this forum has given me. I'm going to be going on an anime/kdrama marathon. If you guys have any shows particularly in mind to watch, feel free to share your recommendations.
 
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throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Aug 5, 2018
1,446
midastic said:
Gonna CTB 6-8 hours from now, I would like to thank you all for the support you have given me, you have no idea how much of a good impact this forum has given me. I'm going to be going on an anime/kdrama marathon. If you guys have any shows particularly in mind to watch, feel free to share your recommendations.
Click to expand...

Best of luck man. I hope you find peace.I'll see you on the other side soon.
 
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M

midastic

Student
Sep 1, 2018
139
Thanks y'all, unfortunately, my parents have completely screwed up my CTB plans for the past two days by having unannounced things to do at night. I am getting very impatient because I do want to reach the bus ASAP and I couldn't handle the stress I am going through right now but at the same time I don't want to end up a vegetable or land my family with a huge hospital bill just because I failed at committing suicide.
 
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M

midastic

Student
Sep 1, 2018
139
UPDATE: Just tried to CTB, sadly failed but I did get very lightheaded and felt my arteries are about to burst so I guess that is a good sign. Now it just makes me wonder how tf people like Anthony Bourdain and Robin Williams were able to hang themselves using a belt.
 
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