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bloominghopelessne

bloominghopelessne

Member
Aug 9, 2025
27
I feel like I have never been impulsive. As a teenager, I carefully planned my suicides. Even now, I cannot do it without preparation. It seems that any method I could use requires planning, such as fasting, cleansing my intestines, tidying my things, or leaving a note. Engaging in planned fasting or living with minimal possessions is already a form of preparation, not impulsiveness. I consider firearms or jumping from a height, but I do not have access to them in the short term. All of this requires strength to actually go through with it, and SI will stop me. I want to, but any preparations of such seriousness are frightening. Perhaps, if I have enough strength, I will live long enough to do it in the way I want. Or maybe I will simply choose hanging, despite all my principles and my desire not to traumatize anyone with my body or other details.
 
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knickknack81

Student
Apr 28, 2025
162
SI is tough no matter which method you use. Your mind and body will do all it can do to stay alive. You hear SI so much when it comes to jumping but it can also affect you if you choose a method like SN or hanging. Just something everyone in this position has to deal with.
 
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bloominghopelessne

bloominghopelessne

Member
Aug 9, 2025
27
SI is tough no matter which method you use. Your mind and body will do all it can do to stay alive. You hear SI so much when it comes to jumping but it can also affect you if you choose a method like SN or hanging. Just something everyone in this position has to deal with.
I still want to believe that some methods are easier than others. I rehearsed hanging, and once I lost consciousness in just a few seconds. Another time, on an ordinary evening, I felt such unbearable pain that I started choking myself with my hands, and I was curious what it would be like to hang while lying on the bed. I grabbed a cat leash. From the very first seconds, it hurt terribly, nothing could compare to the first method, when I literally felt nothing, but even in the second, I still wanted to stay. I wanted to die despite all the pain and without even imagining what would come next. I accepted that the end would be just as painful as this life. That day, the boyfriend I live with was supposed to come with a gift, and I thought I couldn't ruin everything and shock him. It hurt so much, and it got even worse, although I thought I could withstand incredible pain because there was no difference between being in the noose and outside it. The noose promises me nonexistence, unlike life, which will continue to torment me for a long time. Maybe this is still a manifestation of the survival instinct, but it seems I could take this step: tie my hands with cuffs in advance, wrap my face with reinforced tape, cover myself with a bag, and either go somewhere far away or lay down on a mat with a note on the door if I don't leave. There were chances to jump out of a window. I deliberately staged events to be on high floors, but I never did. Inner anxiety drowns out all the lures you invent, you literally hear nothing, see nothing. Something unknown, not even fear but this aching anxiety, paralyzes you, and you can't take your hands off the ledge. You can't falter. I would like to live on a high floor or for my boyfriend to get a gun. I no longer think about when it will happen. If before I didn't think about doing it at school after bad grades or family arguments so as not to leave blame for others, or so that my death wouldn't seem like a grievance or protest, now, even understanding all the inconveniences for others, I just want it to end somehow. Others will suffer, the only strength lies in intensity. I still wouldn't choose the easiest outcome. I think so much about others. But the pain and existence itself, which I would prefer not to exist at all, is unbearable. I have wanted to die for so many years. After my last attempt, all my strength is gone. I can't even consider another attempt with a trip to another city and a high-rise building because I am exhausted. I can't even die. It is a trap. I really hope it will end soon. I will find all the strength, find alcohol, exhaust myself, and end this.
 
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Lyn

Lyn

Momentary
Mar 1, 2025
302
I feel like I have never been impulsive. As a teenager, I carefully planned my suicides. Even now, I cannot do it without preparation. It seems that any method I could use requires planning, such as fasting, cleansing my intestines, tidying my things, or leaving a note. Engaging in planned fasting or living with minimal possessions is already a form of preparation, not impulsiveness. I consider firearms or jumping from a height, but I do not have access to them in the short term. All of this requires strength to actually go through with it, and SI will stop me. I want to, but any preparations of such seriousness are frightening. Perhaps, if I have enough strength, I will live long enough to do it in the way I want. Or maybe I will simply choose hanging, despite all my principles and my desire not to traumatize anyone with my body or other details.
Ugh, I really get the part about being into planning. I guess I'm the same. I can rarely do anything on impulse.

That's why I'm trying to get the main part/preparations done beforehand and then just wait for at least a slight impulse when things would get completely unbearable to try and overcome SI that way.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this shit too.
 
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unluckysadness

unluckysadness

Enlightened
Jul 9, 2025
1,239
I just asked to AI some details about impulsivity vs planned suicide. Here are the results :

On completed suicides (deaths):
  • The data are more limited, but reviews suggest that impulsivity plays a similar role, often associated with factors such as young age, substance abuse, and low intent to die (paradoxically, as impulsivity can lead to unplanned but fatal acts). No study provides a precise and consensual percentage for completed suicides, but research on fatal behaviors estimates that 25% to 50% could be impulsive, based on the absence of prior signs or notes. For example, studies on firearms (a lethal method) show that many suicides are impulsive during short crises.
  • These figures highlight that impulsivity is a major factor in prevention (e.g., restricting access to lethal means), but planned suicides are often linked to chronic mental disorders such as major depression.
And about overcoming SI (information from Grok)

Here are several detailed studies on the relationship between the survival instinct and completed (successful) suicides. These studies explore how this fundamental evolutionary instinct can be overcome, often through neural, evolutionary, psychological, or contextual mechanisms (such as access to lethal means). Although data on completed suicides are limited (retrospective studies via psychological autopsies), many rely on survivors of near-lethal attempts as a proxy. Here is an overview of the main studies and theories, with a table summarizing the key approaches.


General Overview

  • Neural Perspective: Studies suggest that survival circuits (hypothalamus, amygdala, parabrachial nucleus) malfunction in suicidal individuals, allowing prefrontal regions involved in emotional regulation to prioritize self-destructive behaviors over the survival instinct.
  • Evolutionary Perspective: Suicide contradicts survival and reproduction, but theories like "inclusive fitness" propose that, in certain contexts (low reproductive value, burden to kin), it could benefit family genes, thus overriding the individual instinct.
  • Psychological and Sensory Perspective: Among attempt survivors, reduced sensitivity to bodily signals (interoception) may facilitate overcoming fear or pain, potentially applicable to completed suicides. Additionally, phenomena like the "high place phenomenon" show that apparent impulses to jump are actually misinterpreted survival signals, not suicidal.
  • Contextual Factors: Access to lethal means (e.g., firearms) enables overcoming the instinct during impulsive crises, with 85% lethality for firearm attempts vs. <3% for overdoses.
  • Self-Preservation Theory: The instinct is overcome when social connections collapse, leading to a loss of vital meaning and increased vulnerability to stressors
And I asked in the case of assisted suicide and SI :

There are reflections and studies addressing the question of the survival instinct in the context of assisted suicide (or euthanasia), although specific data are less abundant than for impulsive or non-assisted suicides. Assisted suicide, often legal in certain countries (such as Switzerland, the Netherlands, or Belgium) for cases of unbearable suffering related to terminal illnesses, involves a rational and planned decision, distinguishing it from impulsive acts. The survival instinct—this fundamental evolutionary mechanism that drives the avoidance of death—is not absent but can be overcome by psychological, ethical, biological, and contextual factors, such as extreme suffering ("total pain" encompassing physical, mental, social, and existential aspects), loss of dignity, or a philosophical acceptance of death as liberation. Research often highlights an internal conflict: the fear of death persists but is overshadowed by the fear of prolonged suffering.

Here is an overview based on relevant studies and theories:

General Overview

  • Evolutionary and Biological Perspective: From an evolutionary standpoint, only the survival instinct exists, with no Freudian "death instinct"; seeking death goes against human nature, which aims to avoid death rather than pursue it. In assisted suicide, this instinct is overcome by a conscious decision, often facilitated by suffering that alters the perception of life as viable. Survival circuits (hypothalamus, amygdala) may dysfunction, allowing prefrontal regions to prioritize rational self-destruction. This poses a biological enigma, as assisted suicide contradicts the evolutionary struggle for existence.
  • Psychological and Ethical Perspective: Among patients opting for assisted suicide (e.g., "suicide tourism" in Switzerland), the fear of death and the survival instinct are present—some express being "very frightened"—but are overcome by the desire for control, dignity, and a "good death" (controlled, painless). Total suffering (physical, social, existential) motivates this override, with philosophical justifications tracing back to Plato or Seneca, who viewed death as liberation from unbearable pain. Studies on motivations (e.g., feeling like a burden, loss of autonomy) show that these factors help rationalize overcoming the instinct.
  • Contextual Factors: Access to medicalized lethal means (e.g., barbiturates) facilitates the process, reducing the instinctive barrier related to pain or uncertainty. Cases like Arthur Koestler's illustrate how preparation helps overcome fear, not of death itself, but of the dying process. Religiously, prohibitions (Christianity, Islam) reinforce the survival instinct through fear of divine judgment, but some patients transcend these to escape suffering.
  • Spiritual and Thanatological Aspects: Research on near-death experiences (NDEs) or discarnate survival suggests that assisted suicide might interfere with natural processes of spiritual disengagement at the end of life, where suffering aids spiritual evolution. This pits the survival instinct against a broader view of death as a transition.
 
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usernamesarehard

usernamesarehard

Life sucks and then you die
Dec 22, 2021
308
Making preparations for my death (cleaning, emptying my work locker, letters, etc.) was super easy, actually going through with it is the hard part.
 
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