kornboy
"I will soon be gone..These feelings will be gone"
- Dec 24, 2023
- 12
About three days ago I was so sure about my plans to CTB this Friday, but as the hours get closer, a fear and conflict of ideas hits me that's so bad, I'm ready and tomorrow I'll be alone, part of me It's been decided but anxiety is taking over, I'm already fasting and even so I'm feeling a lot of nausea, this forum has given me a good feeling because it's the only place I've been writing these thoughts out, since the beginning of December I haven't had any more contact with anyone on the internet and this 'company' of yours alleviates the feeling of passing alone, anyway, I don't know how I'm going to wake up tomorrow and if I'll really be able to make it trought, these last two days have been the most difficult ones, I've already smoked two packs of cigarette and I really wanted to have some weed but I couldn't buy it, it will be my second attempt and the fact that I know that the chances with SN are much greater, it gives me this fear as if I were on the edge of a cliff and the wind is hitting me hard pushing forward and backwards at the same time, it reminded me of when I used to play theater and the minutes before going on stage were terrible but after the first scene started I didn't feel bad at all, maybe tomorrow it will be like that, while I prepare the drink it will be like opening the curtains and after taking the SN will be like waiting it to close it forever. Yesterday I followed another Brazilian friend here on the forum who apparently got CTB and that affected me a little, knowing that here is the place to 'watch' others passing, even so it's difficult to accept when they actually do it.
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