Picked my date

[citrusfruit]

New Year's Eve. I get out of work at 2:30 pm I might get some vodka on my way home. I don't know what time I'll ctb or what I'm gonna do to prepare besides drink. Going to try partial hanging. My bfs other partner is going to be staying at his home (where I've been living for the past 8 months) starting the 26th. So I'll be staying at his grandmothers old house (she's since moved to an old folks home) so I'll have a whole house completely to myself. I know he doesn't have a key, so if I lock everything up good he'll have to go through his mother to try and get a key, which will give me more than enough time.

I don't plan on saying anything about it to anyone. All I want to leave in my note is to have someone notify my work of my death, because I don't want them to just think I no call no show for no reason.

I'm debating on not going back to work starting now. But I'm still sort of on the fence about things and I don't want to ruin the good thing I have going with my job right now. But spending the last few days of my life working doesn't sound great either.
Maybe I'll do it some time in the evening. 8-10 pm hrs. But planning it for 11:30 pm sounds kind of appealing. Kinda dramatic and meaningful. But I worry about failing my attempt and starting off the new year struggling and in pain

 

[RULE8AM]

I obviously don't know you from a hole in the wall & you honestly don't have to answer me—this is more like a rhetorical question but

Why do you care about 'work' & 'job' so much?
Caring enough to write a note about being a no show at work (when you'd be dead) is kinda sad to me! No offence. I believe your life is a little more important than that & I'm saying this as a pro choice person

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

 

[citrusfruit]

I obviously don't know you from a hole in the wall & you honestly don't have to answer me—this is more like a rhetorical question but

Why do you care about 'work' & 'job' so much?
Caring enough to write a note about being a no show at work (when you'd be dead) is kinda sad to me! No offence. I believe your life is a little more important than that & I'm saying this as a pro choice person

Work is a big part of why I feel the need to kill myself. I have to work in order to survive, but there is not a single job out there that could both fulfill me AND pay the bills. I get burnt out way faster than the average person too I think. And I get so anxious before my shift 9 times out of 10 I'll vomit.

I've worked A LOT of shitty jobs, this one has done right by me. I've no call no show quit a ton of jobs in the past year and i don't want this one to think I didn't give a single fuck about the coworkers I'd be fucking over by leaving them when they're already extremely short staffed.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

we're here for you.

 

[citrusfruit]

Update:
Bfs partner isn't coming anymore. So that means my plan isn't going to work out. Idk what to do

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Update:
Bfs partner isn't coming anymore. So that means my plan isn't going to work out. Idk what to do

Perhaps this gives you a bit more time, since you were still on the fence about things. I wish you all the best in deciding on your next move

 

[citrusfruit]

No longer on the fence about things. January 3rd is my chance. I get off work at 2:30 and then I have the next two days off if things don't go as planned, so I'll have time to recover. I'm feeling bad about leaving my boyfriend and my family, But it has to happen. This is just the way things have to be. I can't go on like this anymore
I want to speak up about how I'm feeling to my boyfriend, but I'm scared that after so many times of saying the same shit he's getting tired of it. I feel like I'm driving him away. He's staying over at his brothers house tonight, that's what he says but I've seen him on grindr and using Snapchat lately. My problems are just too much for him now.

 

[ocheeva]

Godspeed