"Permission" to give up

[Kjo]

I wanna desperately to ctb, but the thought that my lovely mom would suffer made me second guessing myself. Guys help me, how to overcome this burdensome feeling?

Oh, I relate so much to reading this. The idea of how much it would mess up my brother and Mom, because they couldn't help me just devastates me. I love them both so much.

I haven't found a way to overcome this... Though I've learned to casually discuss it with them so they're at least not blindsided (since I realize an accidental looking death is unrealistic for me). My brother has suffered worse and as long as I have and I actually asked him to be my suicide partner... I offered to shoot him.
He said he would never do that to Mom. She is 100% against suicide. Idk what to do. I remind her daily that my brain isn't wired right and that I'm trying to keep chugging but it's just so hard. And it's not her fault or anybody's fault. I'm just not wired right. Idk if it helps or makes it worse though...

 

[Going Home]

Nope

 

[Broken Chimera]

My body, my choice. No one asked me if I wanted to come to this hellhole, so I'm not asking permission to leave. Not from these toxic positive people and not from some God most of them claim to follow.