Life at the end of the day is pretty much a constant game of luck and chance, mixed in with some struggle towards some arbitrary goal you have. And I'm 90% convinced that there are some people who are born neurotic with genetic traits and also socioeconomic factors leading to a pretty much empty life of constant meaningless struggle and cope. I don't know about you guys but despair runs in my family. My mom is an ex-alcoholic with extreme emotional issues of her own, my sister is an ex-heroin addict, my dad is… off and a couple months ago my uncle ran his car head first into a semi truck and made it onto the news. Not looking good for some of us bros. Sure I could go full amor fati and just see where the winds take me. I'm going good so far. Will graduate college early cuz I went early. Friends say I'm smart, cool, funny. But I just don't human. Obviously I mean that in the context of the Aspergers experience, but also due to the fact that I am just like completely wrecked beyond repair mentally. Bullying and the public school experience pretty much fucked my self esteem forever. I'm always on edge at all times in public, paranoid, suspicious, you name it. I want out of this meat puppet realm I am currently trapped in. When I was a little kid I remember talking to my mom about how I'd rather be a dog or an eagle rather than a human. Imagine flying over the cities collecting fish into your beaks and stuff.
I'm so sorry that despite being so intelligent, smart, talented, cool and funny, life has chosen to be unkind to you.
And you are so right, being a dog or an eagle would be a better option. In fact, not even dog, because dogs have to wag their tail for humans. Eagle is the right one, coz you are a free bird, you decide your life and you prey with absolute precision.
I can sense hope for you. While you've had a terrible background, I guess things can get better for you if you approach things in a certain way. I'm proChoice, so I'm not saying anything, except my observation that I can say you can live a really good life going forward
With some inner child healing, some meditation, some therapy, may be if required, some medication, hypnosis and NLP, and some introspection.
With some efforts, and some techniques, you may be able to overcome these. Once you start earning, and live alone, I feel there's a lot that you'll be able to achieve, it's just a matter of time.
I wish you good luck, love and success in everything you choose
Your life and my life are pretty similar. I had a bad childhood, and i too have suffered a lot of bullying. Over the time, I unleashed the rebel inside of me and I became the bully. I bully the bully lol. They don't even dare to mess with me.. college or workplace or social media. I can troll tf out of such morons that they don't get another chance to stay a word.
2012-2020 , i was staying away from my family and I was living a good life, earning for myself, spending for myself, saving for myself. I had a gf too, but we broke up in 2019. I still managed to fortify myself. I did work a lot on my past trauma and I have managed to heal a lot of it.
