People with their method at hand ready to go, how do you feel knowing you can ctb whenever?

[Singing In The Rain]

I've pretty much got my method all ready to go -- the exit bag (shoutout to @TiredHorse for all your help!) It's really weird knowing I can go whenever I want. I honestly don't know what to make of it. Im still processing it all. One day at a time I guess. Now I can truely embrace that philosophy "treat every day as if it's your last" haha. (but don't be a dick) At least now I don't feel so trapped in this "meat suit" as worldexploder describes it being human

 

[Made4TV]

Yeah, I kind of feel the same way. The only thing I still have to do is get the nitrogen tank - but I can get that any day of the week here during business hours, so it's more of a cost thing at this point. I do feel like I could easy check out tomorrow if I wanted. And it's weird. Freeing. But...like I also have a weird scared feeling I didn't have before? Not sure how to explain it. I guess I'm still a bit torn about what I really want.

 

[TAW122]

It was liberating and very relieving, knowing that I can just check out at any given time if I so choose to. I'm just going to stick around for a bit, not because I have additional expectations from life (I don't as I've already been disappointed in the last decade or so that I've just resigned from anything spectacular or looking for any hope). However, at the same time, this sounds almost paradoxical, but it's true since while I feel relief and comfort, I'm also vigilant and cautious as to not tip off anyone IRL nor do anything that could end up with me losing my exit (my firearm).

It's one thing to have your exit, but you aren't really truly free until you've exited this life. But having that ability to do so, makes life a bit more 'bearable.'

 

[NotWorthLiving]

Its a little weird but reassuring knowing you can leave when you want

 

[bigj75]

my method hasn't been executed yet so I'm still terrified it won't work and I'll be stuck without a method.

 

[Singing In The Rain]

It's almost like we've found the secret to this life that not a lot of people know about. Like we're a head of the game. In fact. Fuck the game. I don't wanna play your stupid fucking game of life sort of thing. I quit!

 

[Muri]

Weird is definitely the first word I think of to describe it. I feel I'm more reckless in long term choices but more cautious for short ones. Now I'm just left to think about what comes after death.

 

[gingerplum]

It's almost like we've found the secret to this life that not a lot of people know about. Like we're a head of the game. In fact. Fuck the game. I don't wanna play your stupid fucking game of life sort of thing. I quit!

I not only quit the game, I'm rage flipping the board and storming off, middle finger extended.

I am a bad sport.

 

[Jiva]

Yes. I have all for ready to go. But i donť know, do i have courage? I failed several times. So i'm not too happy.

 

[therhydler]

I'm still terrified in case I fail. Because there is always that chance

 

[[NoName]]

I plan on completing a bucket list before I die, so having it on me is more for comfort rather than to actually use it soon.

Feels weird.

 

[Made4TV]

Weird is definitely the first word I think of to describe it. I feel I'm more reckless in long term choices but more cautious for short ones. Now I'm just left to think about what comes after death.

Yes this! And all my choices now feel so weird. Like... what's the point? I just had surgery two days ago. I start physical therapy tomorrow. For what? Why am I doing this? Am I just rearranging furniture on the Titanic?

 

[ReadyasEver]

It does help me somewhat. It provides a level of stability to me knowing things are set.

 

[suffering]

I though it would help me but it doesn't. My SI is the problem. The method seems now irrelevant.

 

[Didymus]

I envy you

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

Like someone on a nauseating ride about to get off.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Now that I finally have my method, I feel at peace. It's simply a waiting game and doing a bit more thorough research. Also, I have to wait till after the holidays to obtain everything I need. I feel like time is dragging on tbh.

 

[gingerplum]

Am I just rearranging furniture on the Titanic?

Brilliant analogy. I love this.

 

[Thoughtforms]

I am not ready to go. I'm giving life another chance.
But I feel so much comfort knowing I have everything I need in case life becomes unbearable again. Whatever may happen to me I have a way out
There's things I don't need to face if I don't want to (like old age)

I think I always felt this way ... There is this widespread naivety that suicide is easy - just OD on meds. But once you start researching you realise how hard it is. For a while I thought I would never find a method and it really panicked me. I couldn't get my head around exit bag. I realised jumping in front of a train is difficult. I have BBQ grills stored away for 18 months now but I don't have a car. Hanging scares me.

SN is my method now and happy I've found that.

 

[Singing In The Rain]

Yeah, I kind of feel the same way. The only thing I still have to do is get the nitrogen tank - but I can get that any day of the week here during business hours, so it's more of a cost thing at this point. I do feel like I could easy check out tomorrow if I wanted. And it's weird. Freeing. But...like I also have a weird scared feeling I didn't have before? Not sure how to explain it. I guess I'm still a bit torn about what I really want.

The first thing I did was get my tank of argon. It just seemed like the most difficult thing to get out of the kit cause it's kind of hard to source where I am so I just got the tank when I had the opportunity. Just for peice of mind. Everything else is easy to obtain. But yea you don't wanna get busted with the tank. Especially if you don't look like a MIG welder like me lol.

What would be a good excuse if I got caught with the argon tank in the back of my van? I could just say I plan on emptying it and using it for a gas cooker by refilling it with propane -- I don't know

 

[Lunaemoth]

I feel amazing. I have my sn, tagamet and primperan. I'm buying a small bottle of vodka and some ibuprofen pm tomorrow but those aren't necessary and I don't HAVE to have them. I really want to use them right now tbh but I'm waiting until the 5th. Still, knowing that if something goes wrong or someone gets suspicious I could grab my bag of stuff and run... The relief makes me lightheaded.

 

[AveryConure]

I planned my date around February but it still feels weird how I'm still getting up to go to work and seeing my psych when I know eventually it's all going to end soon.

I'm planning to go via night night method and even if I fuck it up I can keep practicing til I get it right. My mom's working 12 hour shifts again so I'll have time to not be discovered.

 

[Goldie]

It's a really interesting question. Now I have everything I need I think I feel good. On the day I got it I actually had a girl round and the security guard gave it to me haha. Luckily the I was with didn't ask me what it was haha.

On a bad day I definitely feel closer to do it, and I feel better that there is some real 'proof' that I want to do it rather than just fantasising about doing it.

I not only quit the game, I'm rage flipping the board and storming off, middle finger extended.

I am a bad sport.

Hahaha very funny. I think it's how I feel. Except I burnt the board up and I'm now pummelling the ashes ;)

 

[gingerplum]

Ok that was genuinely funny ;)

 

[Someday_Somehow32]

Terrifying yet thrilling to know I have all this power now

 

[outrider567]

Relief and a sense of peace

 

[makethepainstop]

My joy and delight know no bounds. I am exultant that any time I wish to leave this hell hole, my means are at hand. Love to all here.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's definitely a sense of relief as you get more things in place ready for it (for me anyhow.) Still feel kind of trapped in this life because I'm waiting on my Dad to go but I do at least feel like there's a viable exit door in sight now.

 

[Sapphire]

I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I felt a huge sense of relief and peace knowing that I can leave anytime I want to. I also felt anxious and scared for the same reason.

 

[Meaninglessness]

It is equally difficult to consciously enter death with a method as without a method. Fear of a painful and perhaps insecure death process and fear of dying alone. But meeting an unknown person only to commit suicide can be risky. I don´t know if I dare to do that. It is impossible to know his or hers motives - anything crazy except death can happen. Not all people know someone they can die together with.