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BridgeJumper

BridgeJumper

The Arsonist
Apr 7, 2019
1,194
I tried to clean my bathroom yesterday, after a few times bending over and up and down with my stupid head spinning condition and post jump back injury I felt like I was dying. Room tilting, sweating, pain in my bones, needed to make like 4 breaks to even finish, my parents calling me lazy the whole time. I tried to buy groceries and I keep getting woozy and disoriented and walking into glass panes like Im on drugs or something.

But I need this job! I need to get away from my toxic family. But my boss wont care that Im in pain, Im supposed to do my job, but how can I do my job when it makes me too sick to function? My mother is in pain everyday from an autoimmune condition and she just slaps a morphine patch on her arm like its nothing and works all day, I dont get it?? How do you do this? Am I just weak or something?

Maybe I need my opiates habit back...
Im tired of people telling me Im not trying!
 
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K

Kruger

Arcanist
Dec 26, 2019
482
With difficulty. I am self employed and have a large brain tumour. No help from the NHS, they diagnosed it very late becauae they ignored me for several years. Venn having symptoms since 2010. Some days I can't get up, other days I cannot see due to diplopia and I have nausea EVERY day when i open my eyes without fail.
Apparently i don't qualify for benefits because i'm not blind! Sometimes the double vision lasts for a day - other times months. Trust me., that's when you really wish you were dead. Then there's the bloody fluid running out of mose constantly, the clicking noises in my head, the tinnitus, the pins and needles in my arms and legs. I live alone and have no friends or family so no matter how I feel I still need to cook, clean and work. I CANNOT WAIT TO LEAVE THIS REALM but i want to do it my way rather than be dependent on the corrupt NHS. It's sapping my energy hanging out here and not being able to procure N with confidence. Also, fuck people and what they tell you - no one knows unless they are in the same situation.
 
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BridgeJumper

BridgeJumper

The Arsonist
Apr 7, 2019
1,194
Im so sorry the system failed you even worse than it failed me T.T
But how are you doing it? You are probably in unimaginable pain, but you still need to do these things right? How do you do them without getting to exhausted to function by 11 am
 
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demuic

demuic

Life was a mistake
Sep 12, 2020
1,383
Have you considered an online / remote job? There might be more of them available considering the world circumstances. (Sorry if this is offensive/unhelpful)
 
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K

Kruger

Arcanist
Dec 26, 2019
482
Im so sorry the system failed you even worse than it failed me T.T
But how are you doing it? You are probably in unimaginable pain, but you still need to do these things right? How do you do them without getting to exhausted to function by 11 am
Well I had my best friend (pet) for comfort, he was my reason for living. So i put alot of effort into every natural remedy you can think of. Because i had a purpose: to give him the best possible life. He was 18.5 years and i lost him recently. Since then I stopped caring, i just want to leave now asap. I am fortunate in that i put aside savings in years gone by, so that will do me for a while - but not forever obviously. I'm not in physical pain every day. It varies from day to day. I wish the fucking thing would kill me quickly; i don't want a slow decline. I am sorry for your situation also. Especially since you sound young (if you still have parents). I lost mine when i was only in my 20's. Have you tried any natural remedies to help you cope?
 
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Lynh

Lynh

Lost in limbo
Jan 4, 2020
41
I tried to clean my bathroom yesterday, after a few times bending over and up and down with my stupid head spinning condition and post jump back injury I felt like I was dying. Room tilting, sweating, pain in my bones, needed to make like 4 breaks to even finish, my parents calling me lazy the whole time. I tried to buy groceries and I keep getting woozy and disoriented and walking into glass panes like Im on drugs or something.

¡Pero necesito este trabajo! Necesito alejarme de mi familia tóxica. Pero a mi jefe no le importará que tenga dolor, se supone que debo hacer mi trabajo, pero ¿cómo puedo hacer mi trabajo cuando me enferma demasiado para funcionar? Mi madre tiene dolor todos los días debido a una enfermedad autoinmune y simplemente se coloca un parche de morfina en el brazo como si nada y funciona todo el día, ¿no lo entiendo? ¿Cómo haces esto? ¿Soy débil o algo así?

Quizás necesito recuperar mi hábito de opiáceos ...
¡Estoy cansado de que la gente me diga que no lo intento!
[/CITAR]
La gente así es muy insensible y egoísta. Son un cancer. Ignorarlos o por lo menos haz el intento.
siento mucho lo que te está pasando.
 
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BridgeJumper

BridgeJumper

The Arsonist
Apr 7, 2019
1,194
Have you considered an online / remote job? There might be more of them available considering the world circumstances. (Sorry if this is offensive/unhelpful)

What jobs can I get that are like this? My resume is a blank slate, I have literally never worked, dropped out of school and stayed on disability ever since. So its not like I can find a good job doing something nice I think, just stuff like cleaning, retail, etc. And I cant do anything T.T Why is life so hard??
siento mucho lo que te está pasando.

I cant speak Spanish but put it through translate and thank you <3
Well I had my best friend (pet) for comfort, he was my reason for living. So i put alot of effort into every natural remedy you can think of. Because i had a purpose: to give him the best possible life. He was 18.5 years and i lost him recently. Since then I stopped caring, i just want to leave now asap. I am fortunate in that i put aside savings in years gone by, so that will do me for a while - but not forever obviously. I'm not in physical pain every day. It varies from day to day. I wish the fucking thing would kill me quickly; i don't want a slow decline. I am sorry for your situation also. Especially since you sound young (if you still have parents). I lost mine when i was only in my 20's. Have you tried any natural remedies to help you cope?

Poor lovely doggo, his mission on here is complete, he gave you meaning. Hope hes in doggie heaven. I lost my Boris 2 years ago to kidney failure and I couldnt even say goodbye to him because I was abroad in a psych ward.
 
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pthnrdnojvsc

pthnrdnojvsc

Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
Aug 12, 2019
2,156
Well I had my best friend (pet) for comfort, he was my reason for living. So i put alot of effort into every natural remedy you can think of. Because i had a purpose: to give him the best possible life. He was 18.5 years and i lost him recently. Since then I stopped caring, i just want to leave now asap. I am fortunate in that i put aside savings in years gone by, so that will do me for a while - but not forever obviously. I'm not in physical pain every day. It varies from day to day. I wish the fucking thing would kill me quickly; i don't want a slow decline. I am sorry for your situation also. Especially since you sound young (if you still have parents). I lost mine when i was only in my 20's. Have you tried any natural remedies to help you cope?
Sorry to hear you are in such a nightmare situation. I'm pretty bad off healthwise and i don't know what job i could do . But i need and i want to ctb. Screw life that things can go so bad for people and then it's so difficult to ctb. But imo only for me and my life, after thinking about it even if i were healthy, and rich i'd still choose ctb .
 
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schopenh

schopenh

Specialist
Oct 21, 2019
385
Peoples illnesses are different in symptoms and severity. No scan or blood test can tell you how much a person is suffering from their symptoms. Measuring yourself against other chronically ill people isn't very productive.
My mother is twice my age and she takes no meds and can go to her part time job, clean the house top to bottom and then go for a walk int he evening with little issue. On the other hand if I go for just a ten minute walk, stretch the wrong way or basically do any activity, I get sharp increases in pain. Our contexts are different. She wasn't hit with severe disease, I was, and so were you.
I don't know your full story, but I'd stay away from opiates. They are the most effective short-term solution and that's about it.
 
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S

Spitfire

Enlightened
Apr 26, 2020
1,274
I tried to clean my bathroom yesterday, after a few times bending over and up and down with my stupid head spinning condition and post jump back injury I felt like I was dying. Room tilting, sweating, pain in my bones, needed to make like 4 breaks to even finish, my parents calling me lazy the whole time. I tried to buy groceries and I keep getting woozy and disoriented and walking into glass panes like Im on drugs or something.

But I need this job! I need to get away from my toxic family. But my boss wont care that Im in pain, Im supposed to do my job, but how can I do my job when it makes me too sick to function? My mother is in pain everyday from an autoimmune condition and she just slaps a morphine patch on her arm like its nothing and works all day, I dont get it?? How do you do this? Am I just weak or something?

Maybe I need my opiates habit back...
Im tired of people telling me Im not trying!

I wish I had an answer for you. All I can say is that it comes with some difficulties for me too. I hope you can find and get a nice job. Do you know what you would want to do for work? Are you waiting to hear back on a job right now?

With difficulty. I am self employed and have a large brain tumour. No help from the NHS, they diagnosed it very late becauae they ignored me for several years. Venn having symptoms since 2010. Some days I can't get up, other days I cannot see due to diplopia and I have nausea EVERY day when i open my eyes without fail.
Apparently i don't qualify for benefits because i'm not blind! Sometimes the double vision lasts for a day - other times months. Trust me., that's when you really wish you were dead. Then there's the bloody fluid running out of mose constantly, the clicking noises in my head, the tinnitus, the pins and needles in my arms and legs. I live alone and have no friends or family so no matter how I feel I still need to cook, clean and work. I CANNOT WAIT TO LEAVE THIS REALM but i want to do it my way rather than be dependent on the corrupt NHS. It's sapping my energy hanging out here and not being able to procure N with confidence. Also, fuck people and what they tell you - no one knows unless they are in the same situation.

That really sucks. I want to tell you to keep trying to get benefits. I do not know how a person navigates the NHS system though? Still, this does not sound right to me.

What jobs can I get that are like this? My resume is a blank slate, I have literally never worked, dropped out of school and stayed on disability ever since. So its not like I can find a good job doing something nice I think, just stuff like cleaning, retail, etc. And I cant do anything T.T Why is life so hard??

Honestly, I think it is hard to get a nice job you want even with a decent resume and work history. To me, it seems difficult to find nice work without being willing and able to travel to it.
 
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T

TooConscious

Enlightened
Sep 16, 2020
1,152
People who are genetically strong willed and enjoy some of their investments in life.
 
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stygal

stygal

low-wage worker
Oct 29, 2020
1,732
When I started working full-time in a job which required a lot of physical activity I had a burn-out after just three weeks.
Now I have found something where I mainly sit around all day...it's still hard (commuting there and walking around feels like hell) but I manage somehow. It's not easy, thankfully I have a very understanding doc who prescribed me pain meds. I'd also advise you search for jobs you can either do from home or just in an office without much pressure or movements involved. Wishing you a quick solution for your troubles.
 
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Deleted member 17949

Deleted member 17949

Visionary
May 9, 2020
2,240
It does seem like a lot of them just don't tbh. Some illnesses are gonna make working nearly impossible.
 
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succor

succor

tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down
Oct 28, 2020
104
Everyone's disability is experienced differently and are different in terms of severity. In my case, I am unable to work right now. I pushed for as long as I could and worked full time up until last year when I physically couldn't do it anymore. It's taken a large toll on my mental health, not being able to work anymore and being essentially bedridden.
 
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greyhound

greyhound

Arcanist
Oct 8, 2020
471
I've only worked 6 of the past 10 years. Luckily I've managed to save up enough to survive taking a couple of years off at a stretch. But my career is pretty much on life support at the moment as all the gaps start to look bad. I seem to keep getting worse health wise as well and don't think I'll be able to get back in the saddle again. Having to quit jobs due to health over and over saps the morale as well.
 
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Weary Soul

Weary Soul

Soon I will be free
Nov 13, 2019
1,158
I had a pretty good job.

Lost it.

In my case? I can't.
 
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R

rt1989526

Paragon
Aug 2, 2020
935
It's difficult to fake it. And really difficult to fit in with staff. Another factor in my decision to pull the plug, I can't do this for another 30+ years.
 
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Weary Soul

Weary Soul

Soon I will be free
Nov 13, 2019
1,158
I was able to pull it off for a number of years because my boss was my best friend, and really understood what I was going through. She died 1.5 years after my near death. I continued on, but it was just too much, and the person who replaced her did not care.
 
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BridgeJumper

BridgeJumper

The Arsonist
Apr 7, 2019
1,194
This really fucking sucks! :/
People who are genetically strong willed and enjoy some of their investments in life.

Well, I was never strong willed, and now I must have some nerve damage or something because I feel random pains so deeply, I try to ignore it and push through but what was moderately painful now makes me want to scream, I have plenty of disorders that are destroying me but cant stop, cant even get out of bed without feeling like my body is shot, stumbling and slurring, and Im sober! I cant do this. Either die or live on the streets when my parents die.
If only I could set up a store and sell my art or something. But how do I gather people to sell it to, my marketing skills are nonexistent
 
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longingforfreedom

Member
Jan 18, 2021
9
This really fucking sucks! :/


Well, I was never strong willed, and now I must have some nerve damage or something because I feel random pains so deeply, I try to ignore it and push through but what was moderately painful now makes me want to scream, I have plenty of disorders that are destroying me but cant stop, cant even get out of bed without feeling like my body is shot, stumbling and slurring, and Im sober! I cant do this. Either die or live on the streets when my parents die.
If only I could set up a store and sell my art or something. But how do I gather people to sell it to, my marketing skills are nonexistent
I'm in the same situation too. I've got a multitude of health problems, but now I have severe nerve pain. I can't go on. My inside are healthy, but I feel like I'm dying. Like I'm being tortured every second of the day. I fear homelessness too when my parents are gone. Hell, I fear theyll kick me out sooner, because they don't want to put up me anymore. I almost died after my last attempt and now I'm stuck and in even more pain. The only other option to ctb is to hang myself with bedsheet or tie, because I have no money and live with my parents and sister. But, I fear no death but brain damage.
I was able to pull it off for a number of years because my boss was my best friend, and really understood what I was going through. She died 1.5 years after my near death. I continued on, but it was just too much, and the person who replaced her did not care.
I was near death too after my last attempt. My SI kicked in and I was saved with nerve damage from emergency surgery. Wish my higher power would have taken me.
 
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KuriGohan&Kamehameha

KuriGohan&Kamehameha

想死不能 - 想活不能
Nov 23, 2020
1,654
Reading about your struggles to clean your house, much less, fulfilling the expectation of getting a job, hurts so much. I am in the same situation and I know that you probably feel helpless, I wish I had some wisdom for you or way of making things better.

The way I typically see others with similar issues managing to get by is usually one of two options. First option is to find a work from home job, or do part time hours in an office/sedentary role that offers flexibility if you need to take time off. Second option relies very heavily on luck and how much frustration you're willing to tolerate from beurocrats and corrupt governments.

That option would be finding success in acquiring disability benefits. This depends heavily on where you're located and how strict the criteria is. I cannot get benefits because my illnesses are 'invisible'. It is becoming increasingly hard to fulfill these unrealistic metrics of what the state considers to be unfit for work, so you may try many times and be denied financial assistance at every attempt.

Personally, I can barely even attend uni, much less go to work. I had an internship around 2 years ago, before I developed IBS on top of my chronic fatigue, chronic neuropathic pain, ptsd, tmj, tinnitus and autism that were already plaguing me everyday, even if it was just in subtle ways like the tmj causing that ringing in my ears, I never got peace.

Even then, I rarely fulfilled my 8 hour shifts. My boss was understanding, even if he did not know about my health problems, and allowed myself and my colleagues to work from home on the code we were writing most days. I had to go home early at least twice, if not 3 times, a week. If I was not living with family who did the chores and the cooking, I would not have survived.

Since then my chronic fatigue syndrome is way worse and I am in even more pain from this damned IBS on top of the constant burning, stinging, and pins and needles. Pain medication knocks me on my ass and makes me feel stoned, so I could never take medications while working as I already have severe brainfog from CFS. I don't think I will ever be able to work again and that's a big reason why I will have to ctb.

My boyfriend and the entire world seem to think I want to be lazy and not try, when I am honestly very sick and at my limit trying to function at even half the capacity of an able bodied person. If you're unable to work everyone treats you like trash and that you deserve to rot. Today I had a struggle akin to yours OP where I was cleaning the bedroom, vaccuming, tidying up and changing the sheets, and I had to sit down 4 times because I felt horrible. It made me want to cry because I am so useless and everyone thinks I'm faking being in pain.
 
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BridgeJumper

BridgeJumper

The Arsonist
Apr 7, 2019
1,194
Im in too much pain from this stupid vertigo shit but your stories are just heartbreakking.....I feelthe pain inevvery word you all write....my heart goes out for everyone experiencing this andcI need to jump, end mymisery....
 
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Breadbfra

Breadbfra

Specialist
Jul 16, 2020
374
I don't. That's it
 
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D

Deformationalplagio

Born deformed
Dec 28, 2019
376
Bruh im deformed to the bone bad facial skull deformity scoliosis etc and i cant stay home and live on wellfare (or how its called in English) this just shows we are all puppets i have two options 1 kill myself 2 die of hunger and no shelter
 
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NodusTollens

NodusTollens

Nov 17, 2020
989
The idea of losing my job is truly frightening.

It's only part time, but it allows me to live a somewhat "normal" life. Disability doesn't give enough & without my job my quality of life would suffer greatly. But always in the back of my head, I struggle with whether I can physically work as walking, standing & sitting for varying amounts of time cause pain.

Some days I can't leave my apartment.
 
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N

nasblue

Member
Jul 14, 2018
92
I can't as I've found out. Even an office job that's not physically stressing is too much. Lack of sleep is one of the main triggers of my chronic pain along with the social stress of constantly being around people that you hardly know and who have expectations towards you.

I also see this in your situation, on top of the stress of your chronic illness you have to deal with a lack of understanding and further abuse from your parents. If you can get away from them in any way I would strongly recommend it. To abuse your own children in any way you have to be a really fucked up person and such people rarely if ever change. And your situation is abusive, abuse isn't only physical and sexual violence.
People who are genetically strong willed and enjoy some of their investments in life.
How exactly do you want to determine if someone's strong will is genetic?
What about factors such as different social influences on resilience, different pain sensitivity, different social support, the different nature of the chronic illness?

Accurate studies on this are impossible a priori because you can't predict whether someone will become chronically ill and by the time they are, your assessment of these other factors will be based on self-report which is infamously unreliable. Furthermore any effects found would be correlational at most.
What jobs can I get that are like this? My resume is a blank slate, I have literally never worked, dropped out of school and stayed on disability ever since. So its not like I can find a good job doing something nice I think, just stuff like cleaning, retail, etc. And I cant do anything T.T Why is life so hard??


I cant speak Spanish but put it through translate and thank you <3


Poor lovely doggo, his mission on here is complete, he gave you meaning. Hope hes in doggie heaven. I lost my Boris 2 years ago to kidney failure and I couldnt even say goodbye to him because I was abroad in a psych ward.
On the subject of online jobs, one thing I could recommend is teaching. Of course you need some skill to teach but this could be your native language for example.
Living off of this is a different story of course but maybe you could supplement your disability checks. There's other things I'm sure, not traditional established ,,jobs" that you get into through training, but rather entrepreneurial self-employed jobs.
 
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Lynh

Lynh

Lost in limbo
Jan 4, 2020
41
Traté de limpiar mi baño ayer, después de un par de veces agachándome hacia arriba y hacia abajo con mi estúpida condición de dar vueltas en la cabeza y la lesión posterior al salto hacia atrás, sentí que me estaba muriendo. La habitación se inclinaba, sudaba, me dolían los huesos, necesitaba hacer como 4 descansos para terminar, mis padres me llamaban perezoso todo el tiempo. Traté de comprar comestibles y sigo sintiéndome mareado y desorientado y camino hacia los paneles de vidrio como si estuviera drogado o algo así.

¡Pero necesito este trabajo! Necesito alejarme de mi familia tóxica. Pero a mi jefe no le importará que tenga dolor, se supone que debo hacer mi trabajo, pero ¿cómo puedo hacer mi trabajo cuando me enferma demasiado para funcionar? Mi madre tiene dolor todos los días debido a una enfermedad autoinmune y simplemente se coloca un parche de morfina en el brazo como si nada y funciona todo el día, ¿no lo entiendo? ¿Cómo haces esto? ¿Soy débil o algo así?

Quizás necesito recuperar mi hábito de opiáceos ...
¡Estoy cansado de que la gente me diga que no lo intento!
Hola todos, yo estoy casi igual, tengo una Purpura Trombocitopenica Idiopatica PTI , uno de sus síntomas es el síndrome de fatiga crónica SFC , a todo eso, tengo un desorden de la personalidad y un TOCbrutal con los virus y la suciedad entre otras cosas, también implica que no llevo muy bien el contacto físico. Tengo una discapacidad, lo cual me ha ayudado a encontrar un trabajo para discapacitados, pero es de limpieza a media jornada en comunidades (edificios, urbanizaciones, condominios) con lo cual mi cuerpo no aguanta tanto esfuerzo, me pasa como a vosotros, doy un paso y me tengo que tirar al suelo porque quedo tan agotada que no puedo ni moverme, el otro día casi me caigo rodando por las escaleras mientras las fregaba.
Tengo mucho miedo de perder el trabajo, porque hace una semana he empezado con fiebre y mucha debilidad, no tengo covid-19 y eso está bien, creo.
Pero mi jefe es un terrorista , siempre nos está amenazando con venir a nuestras casas a verificar si estamos enfermos de verdad o si es mentira y tirarnos a la calle, el no confía en los criterios médicos. Y nos amenaza qué nos va a despedir si estamos enfermos, porque según el dice, y cito, palabras textuales: " la subvención de discapacitados se me irá a la Mierda"
Yo estoy muy asustada. Porque no se que me espera al volver al trabajo.
hoy estuve a punto de hacer ctb, pero no pude hacerlo, no puedo dejar a su suerte a mis gatitos y mi madre (77 años) porque ellos dependen sólo de mi, así que sigo en la cámara de tortura
Hola todos, yo estoy casi igual, tengo una Purpura Trombocitopenica Idiopatica PTI , uno de sus síntomas es el síndrome de fatiga crónica SFC , a todo eso, tengo un desorden de la personalidad y un TOCbrutal con los virus y la suciedad entre otras cosas, también implica que no llevo muy bien el contacto físico. Tengo una discapacidad, lo cual me ha ayudado a encontrar un trabajo para discapacitados, pero es de limpieza a media jornada en comunidades (edificios, urbanizaciones, condominios) con lo cual mi cuerpo no aguanta tanto esfuerzo, me pasa como a vosotros, doy un paso y me tengo que tirar al suelo porque quedo tan agotada que no puedo ni moverme, el otro día casi me caigo rodando por las escaleras mientras las fregaba.
Tengo mucho miedo de perder el trabajo, porque hace una semana he empezado con fiebre y mucha debilidad, no tengo covid-19 y eso está bien, creo.
Pero mi jefe es un terrorista , siempre nos está amenazandocon venir a nuestras casas a verificar si estamos enfermos de verdad o si es mentira y tirarnos a la calle, el no confía en los criterios médicos. Y nos amenaza qué nos va a despedir si estamos enfermos, porque según el dice, y cito, palabras textuales: " la subvención de discapacitados se me irá a la Mierda"
Yo estoy muy asustada. Porque no se que me espera al volver al trabajo.
hoy estuve a punto de hacer ctb, pero no pude hacerlo, no puedo dejar a su suerte a mis gatitos y mi madre (77 años) porque ellos dependen sólo de mi, así que sigo en la cámara de tortura
 
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T

TooConscious

Enlightened
Sep 16, 2020
1,152
I can't as I've found out. Even an office job that's not physically stressing is too much. Lack of sleep is one of the main triggers of my chronic pain along with the social stress of constantly being around people that you hardly know and who have expectations towards you.

I also see this in your situation, on top of the stress of your chronic illness you have to deal with a lack of understanding and further abuse from your parents. If you can get away from them in any way I would strongly recommend it. To abuse your own children in any way you have to be a really fucked up person and such people rarely if ever change. And your situation is abusive, abuse isn't only physical and sexual violence.

How exactly do you want to determine if someone's strong will is genetic?
What about factors such as different social influences on resilience, different pain sensitivity, different social support, the different nature of the chronic illness?

Accurate studies on this are impossible a priori because you can't predict whether someone will become chronically ill and by the time they are, your assessment of these other factors will be based on self-report which is infamously unreliable. Furthermore any effects found would be correlational at most.

On the subject of online jobs, one thing I could recommend is teaching. Of course you need some skill to teach but this could be your native language for example.
Living off of this is a different story of course but maybe you could supplement your disability checks. There's other things I'm sure, not traditional established ,,jobs" that you get into through training, but rather entrepreneurial self-employed jobs.
Im surprised I even gave that answer usually I would stress how it's so drilled into us from birth to work hard until we keel over that you can't escape it. I agree with most you say.
Cute little hmmph though. God people are pathetic.
 
N

nasblue

Member
Jul 14, 2018
92
Im surprised I even gave that answer usually I would stress how it's so drilled into us from birth to work hard until we keel over that you can't escape it. I agree with most you say.
Cute little hmmph though. God people are pathetic.
Wow, regurgitating inhumane bullshit traumatized into you and then invalidating justified anger at your own mistake.
You are not conscious at all.
 

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