Venting People with autism here?

[Eren]

It really is hard to live with autism (Asperger), basically I am condemned to be alone, to always be weird, to not understand the emotions of others, to get irritated by things that I should not etc ...

It's my main reason for ctb. Anyone else with autism here?

 

[softfuzzyman]

Yep yep i have aspergers too. I don't respond well to any sort of stress, just cant handle it, rly any sort of upset or deviation from routine or what I'm comfortable with or expecting or prepared for messes me up hugely, i cant communicate for shit, dont rly form proper bonds with people or feel comfortable in social situations and when i do end up in social situations im considered really weird and unpleasant... aaaand the best part is, even tho im literally diagnosed, nobody believes me lmfao. Like people will just straight up say "no you dont because you dont seem like it" ... well yeah of course i dont seem like it, 24 years in i have a little experience so i do a decent job of hiding it especially to people who arent around me much and thus dont see most of my behaviors

 

[Ghost2211]

I am not, but my 5 and 2 year old are, they're are high functioning, and the 2 year old seems to mostly only have a language delay.

It makes me sad to see how hard my 5 year old tries to make "normal" conversation, and she is very social but awkwardly so. She doesn't Understand social cues very well. She will try to tell me things and they don't make sense, or are out of context. I hope those around you are empathetic since I know from interacting with my 5 year old life would be painful with people that don't understand.

 

[Homecoming]

High-function (aspergers) here! Neurotypyical inferior meatsuits steps aside please

 

[Eren]

She will try to tell me things and they don't make sense, or are out of context. I hope those around you are empathetic since I know from interacting with my 5 year old life would be painful with people that don't understand.

That happens to me many times.

I hope those around you are empathetic since I know from interacting with my 5 year old life would be painful with people that don't understand.

I live with my mother, and she has never understood me, the few times that I have spoken to her about my Asperger suspicions she has never taken me seriously. Sometimes I've even had to put up with her calling me "weird" or "abnormal", literally.

 

[Ghost2211]

That happens to me many times.




I live with my mother, and she has never understood me, the few times that I have spoken to her about my Asperger suspicions she has never taken me seriously. Sometimes I've even had to put up with her calling me "weird" or "abnormal", literally.

That's awful. It makes me sad how little empathy most people have. Were you diagnosed at a young age? Did your mom have knowledge about your situation and simply choose not to learn about it?

 

[muffin222]

I am. It's one of the reasons I'm suicidal. I can't understand most people, and they can't understand me. I often offend, confuse, or hurt people's feelings without understanding why. Ideas and mannerisms that seem normal and understandable to me appear strange to other people. It's like I'm speaking another language and no matter how much I repeat myself or how slowly and carefully I phrase each word, people hear something completely different than what I intended to say. Then, when I try to ask questions to glean insight into why people interpret my words in such dramatically different ways than how I intended, they can't explain it. So, the cycle of miscommunication and misunderstanding keeps looping. It's maddening and depressing

 

[SadJessu]

Yes, though it's not the main reason I'm suicidal, ironically. It's the co-morbid disorders that are often linked to Aspergers like OCD, sleeping disorders, etc. that are killing me.

 

[Ayvoia]

I'm on the spectrum, while I've been officially diagnosed, that's all that has been said..

Socially I can't say I struggle more than most introverts, as a child and teen that was more of a struggle to adapt, but I eventually managed. Friends are easy enough to make, however I'm noncommittal and so haven't attempted to find someone to create (a) meaningful relationship/s with.

I'm not afraid to say it is due to my lack of awareness of my own emotions that has likely created this behaviour and outlook on life that I have. Still, with or without any amount of autism, anyone can find themselves in similar positions to our own..

While I don't think you're condemned to be alone in life, autism certainly makes it things harder and more of a struggle than usual.. Still, it is that same source that has led us here, so I can't say anything.

 

[Shero]

Yes, although i don't believe im on the spectrum.

I got diagnosed with ADHD and they suspected i have High Functioning Autism as well. So they send me to a clinic specialised in recognising and diagnosing it.
So here i am, still with all issues associated with ADHD and potentially Autism as well and the clinic that tries to help me deal with it, doesn't really help at all. Even in that facility i feel like an outcast.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

I don't know if I have it, People want to argue and gossip over nothing, I don't get it so I question if my view is because of Aspergers or something else, how do they test you?

 

[usernameNotFound]

I have Aspergers, bipolar disorder, and ADHD. Major depression and anxiety. I can't really take any medications because they make another part of me worse (eg. taking Ritalin for ADHD will increase my anxiety). Most medications dry out my eyes and it makes it more painful for me.

I was bullied in school and I was taken advantage of a lot by my friends and men that I thought cared about me.

I have a supportive family (parents) and only really one close friend. I've also found a really supportive partner. I'm so upset about things that happened in the past and too scared to socialize so I don't really feel like I want to live out my full life.
However, there are people out there who are accepting of our condition. I talk to a lot of people online who share my interests and eventually found a close friend and even have a partner now. I've always wondered if a "socializing class" would help me - just someone who teaches me how to act and what to say when conversation doesn't come naturally.

 

[FrankieVallie]

It's always embarrassed me to admit it, but seeing how others above me have, I should probably come clean. I've never been diagnosed or examined for it but I'm absolutely certain I have a very mild form of Aspergers. My older brother does as well, but it's incredibly mild (it's almost impossible to notice) and basically doesn't affect any aspects of his life (including social) unlike mine. It's really the fault of my parents who married and had kids extremely late (especially my father). Unfortunately, children from older parents are far more likely to suffer from autism than younger parents. My dad was 52 and my mom was around 35 when they had me.

Intellectually/mentally, I have no issues whatsoever. I have an IQ of 138 (not to brag of course) and am thankfully able to use it to its fullest extent. I do very well in English/language classes, science, history, physics, and basically every other class. I'm not very good at math but am still above average and it's not really an issue. I've done a lot of research that has won me national awards at science fair conventions and have every academic award imaginable. Straight As in every subject and on almost every test. At home, I've done a lot of garage chemistry and built tons of fun stuff like motorcycles, air cannons, flamethrowers, etc.

In terms of my behavior, I do alright. I like to have certain routines or practices but doing something different/deviating from the routine doesn't upset me very much at all. I develop deep interests in a lot of things but not to a point farther than what most people would consider as "passionate". Thankfully, I'm not sensitive to bright lights/loud sounds. Some types of clothes do bother me a little though, and this is why I wear the exact same kind of clothes and shoes every day. On the bright side, I can intensely focus on the work at hand without getting distracted, I have an extraordinary attention to small details, and can recognize subtle patterns or nuances that others miss easily. I can also solve problems in creative ways that others wouldn't think of.

Socially is where I struggle the most, but I'm not too bad at least. I can understand people's feelings and emotions very well but have a hard time sustaining a casual conversation. If the topic is something like chemistry or engines, I can hold a conversation for hours and hours without issue. It's the normal/casual stuff that's a challenge for me. I can mostly pick up social cues fine. I have trouble with eye contact (I feel like I'm stuck between staring down people and not looking at them enough) and have a very hard time holding a conversation if it's not about something I know a lot about. Social anxiety is a huge problem for me. Lastly, I have a bit of stereotypical behavior but nothing very severe or awkward.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I have Asperger's and it's one of the main reason for why I am suicidal. I was unmercifully bullied in school as a child. I have failed miserably trying to be a functioning adult. I can't hold a job due to all my mental conditions and physical. Jobs and life revolves around neurotypicals and being social, business friendly and the almost demad that you should socialize with co workers. I just can't. I don't fit in..I'm awkward and I don't understand small talk or how to properly interact in a social setting. Im always told to smile and be chatty with people but it doesn't come naturally to me. Why can't we be accepted for who we are?

People also have the stereotype that someone who is on the autism spectrum is some sort of genius savant and that's not the case for a lot of people including me. I'm not talented or good at anything. I'm smart but I couldn't get a good degree for college.

I have learned to mask and emulate others but it's very mentally tiring.

I have been diagnosed with both asperger's and bpd, dependant personality, ptsd, severe depression and anxiety (that's just my mental problems physical are many too)... so it's a fun time for me.

 

[muffin222]

It's always embarrassed me to admit it, but seeing how others above me have, I should probably come clean. I've never been diagnosed or examined for it but I'm absolutely certain I have a very mild form of Aspergers. My older brother does as well, but it's incredibly mild (it's almost impossible to notice) and basically doesn't affect any aspects of his life (including social) unlike mine. .

I'm not trying to argue with you, but if it doesn't affect his life in any way, it's probably not Asperger's/autism. The criteria for autism is that it impairs a person's life socially, in jobs, or in any other significant areas of life. The term is kind of trendy nowadays, but it's a disorder at its core that causes fairly significant problems for people

 

[Rue89]

I have asperger's, but nobody would know it by looking at me, which I'm glad of, but at the same time it makes it harder and more awkward to explain when situations arise. For example, jobs; every job I've had, whether a temporary work experience or real employment, I've had a job coach. They help me learn the job, make sure I'm understanding everything, provide just general support, and help explain my situation to my employer. Once I learn something I'm fine and would no longer need help, but it sometimes takes me longer and more effort to grasp the concept. My social skills are shit, and I believe this is where my asperger's shows the most. I'm so awkward. I have a hard time reading people, and sometimes misinterpret body language or the context of what they're saying. The misinterpreting context also applies to texting, online, etc. My asperger's might also be to blame, at least partially, for my anxiety. I know people with autism are more prone to it, although I believe that other life circumstances have also contributed to it. It also sucks because my family treats me different because of it. The majority of the time they treat me normal, but any little thing that goes wrong, any mistake, anything done incorrectly, and my mom and brother automatically assume that it was me that did it.

 

[noaccount]

There's no "Test" because there is no right or wrong answer, objectively.

It is not like Downs Syndrome, or HIV, or pregnancy - where some genetic, viral, or biological thing is being "searched" for.

It is just a loose discription of some ways of thinking/feeling/acting, that come from *MANY* different sources for different people.

We get to choose whether we apply the descriptor to ourselves or not, whether it's useful or not.

There are no discoveries. There are only decisions.

Do the experiences commonly described as autism, match mine frequently? Yes.

And functioning labels are ableist.

Neuroqueer / Mad / Autistic pride always.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I might or might not have autism but I've never been formally tested except when I was really young because my younger sister was found to have severe autism. For me it was determined I don't have autism yet I'm still socially inept in so many situations but that could be due to my anxiety and general lack of being able to perceive what's going on around me.

My dad potentially has Aspergers but he would likely never admit it since he was raised to ignore mental health issues. He even believes my sister actually has something called dyspraxia instead of autism which could just be something added onto her autism. She can't talk in anything beyond grunts and noises but she's still pretty smart in other ways. Unfortunately she also can't be left alone because she has tons of self destructive habits like picking too hard at her own skin or leaving water running for too long...

 

[Theregoesthatidea]

I got an aspergers diagnosis but fortunately I was blessed with my family forcing me into social skills classes for most of my childhood, so nobody ever would think I have trouble with that. all of my friends and other peers throughout my school daze and my workplace never suspect a thing

unfortunately, that diag. is why my father doesn't believe that I'll ever amount to anything meaningful.

 

[AllReturnsToNothing]

I'm likely on the autism spectrum which isn't immediately apparent since I've learned to mask my poor social skills mostly pretty well (keyword being "mostly). I mean, a lot of weirdness from my childhood can easily be explained simply if I had autism. Hell my sister even suggested to my mom that I get tested at a young age, with my mom in her infinite wisdom denying any possibility that I was anything other than neurotypical denying me of crucial accommodations that probably wouldve helped me greatly later in life but instead set me up for a life of depression and misery. Thanks mom. Thanks a lot.

 

[Ghost2211]

For those with autism. May I ask you a couple questions? Please tell me if this is not appropriate. As a non-autistic parent with two autistic children I want to learn how to communicate better to try break the cycle of stuffing. My ex will not admit to me or himself he is autistic, but I see the same patterns in him as I do the children.

do people with autism have trouble communicating with other people with autism? Do they understand one other better than non autistic people do? I communicate with my nonverbal child through empathy. I learn his patterns and how his scripting works, but my ex can't. Both autistic children feel that I understand them, but that the father doesn't at all despite his likely autism.

another thing I would love to know is how would like people to talk to you if they don't understand what you're trying to say? How can people better make you feel heard and understood? What do you wish people could see?

I want to be the support I can be. It can be hard from the outside. I hope nothing seemed rude. I love them, and I breaks my heart to think they might end up where we are for feeling not understood, and to see how life has treated you guys.

 

[muffin222]

For those with autism. May I ask you a couple questions? Please tell me if this is not appropriate. As a non-autistic parent with two autistic children I want to learn how to communicate better to try break the cycle of stuffing. My ex will not admit to me or himself he is autistic, but I see the same patterns in him as I do the children.

do people with autism have trouble communicating with other people with autism? Do they understand one other better than non autistic people do? I communicate with my nonverbal child through empathy. I learn his patterns and how his scripting works, but my ex can't. Both autistic children feel that I understand them, but that the father doesn't at all despite his likely autism.

another thing I would love to know is how would like people to talk to you if they don't understand what you're trying to say? How can people better make you feel heard and understood? What do you wish people could see?

I want to be the support I can be. It can be hard from the outside. I hope nothing seemed rude. I love them, and I breaks my heart to think they might end up where we are for feeling not understood, and to see how life has treated you guys.

I can tell you're a compassionate and concerned mother, and I want to give you helpful answers to your questions because I can sense that you're trying your best to understand your children. It definitely is hard when autistic children often seem to behave in ways that don't make sense. I will post back in this thread later when I have the time and energy to give proper answers

 

[Muirthemne]

I have autism and used to blame it for all my problems, but I've recently also been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and I'm realizing a lot of symptoms I thought were autism (like feeling empty all the time) are actually BPD symptoms, so I'm still working out what's what. The autism definitely holds me back, though. I get so overwhelmed by groups of people, and it makes socializing and trying to meet people complete hell.

 

[Eren]

That's awful. It makes me sad how little empathy most people have. Were you diagnosed at a young age? Did your mom have knowledge about your situation and simply choose not to learn about it?

I was not diagnosed as a child. I am going to a psychiatrist on my own to obtain the diagnosis (I am in the process of diagnosis, although the psychiatrist has told me that 99% I have Asperger) The few times I have previously told him my suspicions, she has never taken it seriously, nor did she take it seriously when I was diagnosed with OCD years ago.

I am. It's one of the reasons I'm suicidal. I can't understand most people, and they can't understand me. I often offend, confuse, or hurt people's feelings without understanding why. Ideas and mannerisms that seem normal and understandable to me appear strange to other people. It's like I'm speaking another language and no matter how much I repeat myself or how slowly and carefully I phrase each word, people hear something completely different than what I intended to say. Then, when I try to ask questions to glean insight into why people interpret my words in such dramatically different ways than how I intended, they can't explain it. So, the cycle of miscommunication and misunderstanding keeps looping. It's maddening and depressing

The same thing happens to me, almost all the people I interact with (IRL and online) end up hating me for saying things that I should not say, and the worst thing is that I do not realize it, I realize it when it is too late. This also means that when I interact with someone I am always afraid of this happening.

Yep yep i have aspergers too. I don't respond well to any sort of stress, just cant handle it, rly any sort of upset or deviation from routine or what I'm comfortable with or expecting or prepared for messes me up hugely, i cant communicate for shit, dont rly form proper bonds with people or feel comfortable in social situations and when i do end up in social situations im considered really weird and unpleasant... aaaand the best part is, even tho im literally diagnosed, nobody believes me lmfao. Like people will just straight up say "no you dont because you dont seem like it" ... well yeah of course i dont seem like it, 24 years in i have a little experience so i do a decent job of hiding it especially to people who arent around me much and thus dont see most of my behaviors

I understand you, it is really horrible and frustrating, the worst thing is that nobody understands us, they think we made it up or that we use it as an excuse when it is something really disabling.

 

[Eren]

For those with autism. May I ask you a couple questions? Please tell me if this is not appropriate. As a non-autistic parent with two autistic children I want to learn how to communicate better to try break the cycle of stuffing. My ex will not admit to me or himself he is autistic, but I see the same patterns in him as I do the children.

do people with autism have trouble communicating with other people with autism? Do they understand one other better than non autistic people do? I communicate with my nonverbal child through empathy. I learn his patterns and how his scripting works, but my ex can't. Both autistic children feel that I understand them, but that the father doesn't at all despite his likely autism.

another thing I would love to know is how would like people to talk to you if they don't understand what you're trying to say? How can people better make you feel heard and understood? What do you wish people could see?

I want to be the support I can be. It can be hard from the outside. I hope nothing seemed rude. I love them, and I breaks my heart to think they might end up where we are for feeling not understood, and to see how life has treated you guys.

There is nothing rude in what you said. People with autism really have problems with relationships and empathy, regardless of who the other person is, although it is true that I feel much more comfortable with people with autism, but that does not mean that those limitations disappear. It really is difficult to know whether or not your ex has autism.

 

[noaccount]

For those with autism. May I ask you a couple questions? Please tell me if this is not appropriate. As a non-autistic parent with two autistic children I want to learn how to communicate better to try break the cycle of stuffing. My ex will not admit to me or himself he is autistic, but I see the same patterns in him as I do the children.

do people with autism have trouble communicating with other people with autism? Do they understand one other better than non autistic people do? I communicate with my nonverbal child through empathy. I learn his patterns and how his scripting works, but my ex can't. Both autistic children feel that I understand them, but that the father doesn't at all despite his likely autism.

another thing I would love to know is how would like people to talk to you if they don't understand what you're trying to say? How can people better make you feel heard and understood? What do you wish people could see?

I want to be the support I can be. It can be hard from the outside. I hope nothing seemed rude. I love them, and I breaks my heart to think they might end up where we are for feeling not understood, and to see how life has treated you guys.

I'm glad you've found effective ways to communicate with your non-verbal kid! Have you looked into AAC boards/tablets at all?

Sometimes autistic people have an easier time communicating with each other, personally I seem to struggle with both, either way. Some autistic people have overwhelming hyper-empathy also.

If your ex doesn't think that the Autism label works for him and chooses not to use it, that makes sense! It's his decision to make.

I imagine childcare and helping with disability issues can be overwhelming to do alone - I hope you can find supports that focus on autism acceptance and accomodation rather than trying to 'normalize' people. The Autism Women's Network is a really great resource!

Also maybe there is an ASAN group near you?

Affiliate Groups - Autistic Self Advocacy Network

ASAN affiliate groups are state and local disability advocacy groups that share a basic set of core values and policy positions with ASAN. Affiliate groups receive technical assistance, peer support, and advocacy alerts from ASAN, while retaining flexibility to focus on whatever issues are most...

autisticadvocacy.org

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm glad you've found effective ways to communicate with your non-verbal kid! Have you looked into AAC boards/tablets at all?

Sometimes autistic people have an easier time communicating with each other, personally I seem to struggle with both, either way. Some autistic people have overwhelming hyper-empathy also.

If your ex doesn't think that the Autism label works for him and chooses not to use it, that makes sense! It's his decision to make.

I imagine childcare and helping with disability issues can be overwhelming to do alone - I hope you can find supports that focus on autism acceptance and accomodation rather than trying to 'normalize' people. The Autism Women's Network is a really great resource!

Also maybe there is an ASAN group near you?

Affiliate Groups - Autistic Self Advocacy Network

ASAN affiliate groups are state and local disability advocacy groups that share a basic set of core values and policy positions with ASAN. Affiliate groups receive technical assistance, peer support, and advocacy alerts from ASAN, while retaining flexibility to focus on whatever issues are most...

autisticadvocacy.org

Thank you for the thoughtful response. Both of the children's primary fixation was alphabet. For my two-year-old everything revolves around B, so sad b, hap b, bad b, mom b. Both children are receiving support services for autism. The oldest is getting speech therapy in school, and the toddler is receiving ABA. I honestly have my doubts about ABA I see it more as conditioning than learning, but it has helped him to learn to communicate with such things as pointing when he wants something And he generally likes the interaction and activity.

most of my curiosity is finding ways to better empathize and relate. I have a very thorough understanding of the science and psychology of autism, but most of the people that work with autistic children or not autistic them selves. Often times it is better to learn from people that walk a specific path rather than people that observe from the sidelines.

 

[noaccount]

Yeah the consensus among autistic adults seems to be that ABA didn't really respect their learning styles or personality or decisions. I'm glad you've done so much to educate yourself about what's going on. It's tricky.

 

[foreverlikethestars]

Diagnosed at age 8 here. feels like a curse sometimes; we aren't meant to live alone.

 

[Shero]

For those with autism. May I ask you a couple questions? Please tell me if this is not appropriate.

do people with autism have trouble communicating with other people with autism? Do they understand one other better than non autistic people do?

another thing I would love to know is how would like people to talk to you if they don't understand what you're trying to say? How can people better make you feel heard and understood? What do you wish people could see?

Question 1:
Yes, sure. It's not inappropriate.
The intention is to help your child, which deserves praise. Sadly, not every parent has intrinsic motivation to ensure mental well-being for their kids.

Question 2&3:
I personally, yes. Even autistic people show visual clues in how they possibly could react, and i don't notice or misjudge them.
Autistic people are also people, and i have problems in communicating with people.
Yes. When i talk to people on the spectrum i struggle less to understand whats going on. You tend to share similiarities in thought process and how you communicate.

Question 4-6:
If people don't understand what im saying, they should politely say what they don't get. It's that simple.
To make me feel heard and understood just communicate openly with me. Everything that seems misunderstood needs to be adressed, or it will eventually result in conflict.
I can't answer the last question.