People who set a date, what do u do till the day? How do u feel? How do u manage?

[Spaghettii]

Hi SaSu, a noobie here.

After hours and hours of searching, i finally found the SN website and placed an order. Hopefully it'll take 2-3 weeks to deliver and i don't plan to keep it sealed any longer.

While I'm super excited, I'm worried abt the package not delivering, or getting into some trouble with customs, or failing with SN and the consequences... idk... those kind of anxiety inducing thaughts that u can't do anything about.

However, now that i know I'll have the means sooner or later, and I'll finally get to do what I've been thinking about for the past 20 years, I'm feeling... empty. I don't know what to do now. I'm obviously better in this moment that I've placed the order but... what am i gonna do in these weeks?
It's not like I'm gonna stay anymore. I just want to sleep the days and not think about anything. I just want to run away from all the thaughts in my head. I thaught I'll get a break from the insanity around me but I'm still feeling very much lost.

How do u guys pass through ur final weeks?

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

For me it's my final months, not weeks. Until then life goes on as normal. When the time gets closer, I will start organizing my stuff, will do a few things for the last time, e.g. eat my fav food, etc.

 

[shrobae]

I've set multiple dates over the last couple years, but every time i got close things would seem to improve and i'd put it off. Right now it's the kinda thing that if ___ happens then that'll be it. But when i got close to those dates i would end up just getting high every day and sort of depressed, but also kind of peaceful. Then the process repeats. But the time leading up all depends on how YOU feel. You'll most likely be anxious if you're anything like me. Whatever happens is your choice. control what you can control.

 

[JessIsAlive]

Hi SaSu, a noobie here.

After hours and hours of searching, i finally found the SN website and placed an order. Hopefully it'll take 2-3 weeks to deliver and i don't plan to keep it sealed any longer.

While I'm super excited, I'm worried abt the package not delivering, or getting into some trouble with customs, or failing with SN and the consequences... idk... those kind of anxiety inducing thaughts that u can't do anything about.

However, now that i know I'll have the means sooner or later, and I'll finally get to do what I've been thinking about for the past 20 years, I'm feeling... empty. I don't know what to do now. I'm obviously better in this moment that I've placed the order but... what am i gonna do in these weeks?
It's not like I'm gonna stay anymore. I just want to sleep the days and not think about anything. I just want to run away from all the thaughts in my head. I thaught I'll get a break from the insanity around me but I'm still feeling very much lost.

How do u guys pass through ur final weeks?

How did you find it? You don't have to tell me the source, but could you or someone else at least point me in the right direction?

 

[Spaghettii]

For me it's my final months, not weeks. Until then life goes on as normal. When the time gets closer, I will start organizing my stuff, will do a few things for the last time, e.g. eat my fav food, etc.

That makes sense. I donno what was i expecting. Feels kinda underwhelming. I think I'd just hyped up myself for some peaceful and kinda different last days.

 

[willitpass]

I've been carrying on life as normal as I can so that no one around me gets suspicious. It's incredibly lonely. I'm really struggling as I have no motivation to do anything and just want to spend my last days laying around rotting in bed. I've also been working to weaken my body as much as I can to improve the chances that my body will not be able to fight off the attempt. So I physically feel horrible. The longer I wait the more I overthink as well. I'm becoming more and more scared that I'll survive as the days go on, and I'm hoping that the SI does not overtake me in the end. Unfortunately I'm waiting on my prescription to be refilled and I have no way of getting it any earlier, so I have no choice but to wait the few more weeks. There's a lot of unpleasant and even conflicting emotions. This isn't my first time trying to CTB, though, so I guess the emotions aren't as distressing as they were the first couple times around.

 

[Spaghettii]

How did you find it? You don't have to tell me the source, but could you or someone else at least point me in the right direction?

honestly, i just went through the threads of ppl asking for help with dmc or talking about it. If u look thoroughly, u'll find some genuine tips. It took me a day and so much frustration but u'll find DMC eventually. I know it's disappointing but everyone here is very strict on sharing sources. Best of luck to you <3

It's incredibly lonely.

Right there with you. I feel so isolated. Feels like most of the time I'm grieving myself.

I've also been working to weaken my body as much as I can to improve the chances that my body will not be able to fight off the attempt. So I physically feel horhorrible

is that really necessary? U're already in so much pain tho... what method are u using?

I'm becoming more and more scared that I'll survive as the days go on, and I'm hoping that the SI does not overtake me in the end.

So relatable. I've never been this close to CBT and my thaughts are a mess. I guess when the time is right, we'll be fine <3

I've set multiple dates over the last couple years, but every time i got close things would seem to improve and i'd put it off. Right now it's the kinda thing that if ___ happens then that'll be it. But when i got close to those dates i would end up just getting high every day and sort of depressed, but also kind of peaceful. Then the process repeats. But the time leading up all depends on how YOU feel. You'll most likely be anxious if you're anything like me. Whatever happens is your choice. control what you can control.

Hmm i can see it be helpful like that. Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems that u're treating it as kind of a fail-safe system (i hope I'm able to communicate what i mean by that, sry english is not my first language) and it's working!
It's like having the assurance that... if anything, it's there. I'm glad it's helping u finding a balance and some well-deserved peace <3