Venting People who give platitudes or general uplifting (empty) words

[TAW122]

Throughout my life, I run into situations where if I criticize myself or if I have an issue and point out the problem, I've oftenly been showered with platitudes or given general uplifting, but empty words. When I was younger and with much less self insight on my situation, I often just don't react to it and just take it as it is. Though that is no longer the case when I've grown older. In fact, I've become more annoyed and oftenly pissed when I hear people say that, because not only does it not help, it also detracts and dismisses my initial complaint, issue, or whatever grievances I have.

So here are a few IRL scenarios to highlight what happens:

Scenario 1:
Me: I'm just ugly so people don't find me attractive. Hence I'm a virgin and cannot get a relationship (let alone have sex).
Other: You're not ugly, you're handsome.
Me: (Not knowing what to say, but visibly annoyed, troubled) Well then why aren't people attracted to me? Are you saying looks don't matter?
Other: (Oftenly will use guilt, shame, blue pilled advice) There are people out there who will take personality and character, you just need to find them! (Or other bullshit advice that most masses spew.)

Basically, the person denies and dismisses the fact that I am not physically attractive (at least enough to get dates and/or attention from other potential partners of the opposite sex) and instead offers meaningless platitudes and words that don't help the situation. Furthermore, said person is ignoring the fact that looks are important and trying to dismiss the claim that I am physically ugly (yes beauty is subjective, but don't fucking dismiss what someone thinks, their opinion is just as valid!)

Scenario 2:
Me: (Made some mistake or didn't do well on a particular task) "Oh wow, I'm an idiot. I should have done xyz instead of the abc"
Other: You're not an idiot. You just made some simple mistake.
Me: So I'm a genius?! I just made a stupid mistake!
Other: No, but you're not an idiot! Now stop putting yourself down/beating yourself up!

The conversation then derails and devolves into an altercation, quarrel, and both the other person and I are unhappy. I never asked for such platitudes or other general (unhelpful) uplifting comments. It doesn't help me, and doesn't solve the problem. Instead, they should give advice on how to prevent the same mistake from happening again or just acknowledge and respect the truth.

Scenario 3:
Me: I'm a fool, I shouldn't have done that.
Other: You're not a fool. (inserts other complment or generally useless, unhelpful comment).
Me: Yes I am, and I don't like it when you give me fucking platitudes
Other: (More upset at my use of profanity than the actual issue) Hey don't use that language with me! (Ignores what was said initially and more focused on just the fact I used a 'profane' word, regardless of context/situation.)

Similar to Scenario 2 and the reaction is also negative afterwards and everyone is unhappy.

In all the scenarios I've listed, I really fucking hate it when people don't acknowledge what I have to say and instead says the opposite and dismisses what I have to say. It hurts because it not only doesn't help my situation, I don't feel any better (especially being deceived and lied to) after hearing that. It just makes me more annoyed and stressed to hear something so unhelpful and disguised as a compliment. Perhaps I think and react differently from others, but what blows my mind is I don't get why people do this rather than just accept what I have to say and offer a damn solution? Or if there is no solution just fucking acknowledge that they don't know or have a solution! I just don't get why they can't just simply do that, but would rather ignore and dismiss my problems and instead offer some platitudes. Like ok, so how the fuck does that help my situation? Then when I call them out on their bullshit, they get mad and start verbally attacking me and escalate the situation.

From then on out, I am just not going to talk about my problems with anyone IRL anymore. If I suffer in silence, then so be it. They can't have it both ways. They claim they care and want to help (which means ignoring my actual issue, downplaying it, dismissing it, and offering a unhelpful platitude), but I'm done with it. It doesn't improve the situation, only creates additional problems and drama, get absolutely no where, wastes my time (and theirs too), and end up with everyone coming out more upset, more stressed out. They can't have it both ways, they can't have their cake and eat it at the same time. In other words, they can't expect me to open up and share my life and then decide to dismiss it and when I react negatively to that, then they get mad. It's like damned if I do and damned if I don't (more specifically, they want me to open up but if I don't they would hound me for it and keep pestering me until I do. If I do open up, then they will give me the same unhelpful advice/comments/niceties and if I reject it they get mad. There is just no win situation.). Fuck that shit, I just don't understand people's behavior and responses...

 

[Sweet emotion]

Throughout my life, I run into situations where if I criticize myself or if I have an issue and point out the problem, I've oftenly been showered with platitudes or given general uplifting, but empty words. When I was younger and with much less self insight on my situation, I often just don't react to it and just take it as it is. Though that is no longer the case when I've grown older. In fact, I've become more annoyed and oftenly pissed when I hear people say that, because not only does it not help, it also detracts and dismisses my initial complaint, issue, or whatever grievances I have.

So here are a few IRL scenarios to highlight what happens:

Scenario 1:
Me: I'm just ugly so people don't find me attractive. Hence I'm a virgin and cannot get a relationship (let alone have sex).
Other: You're not ugly, you're handsome.
Me: (Not knowing what to say, but visibly annoyed, troubled) Well then why aren't people attracted to me? Are you saying looks don't matter?
Other: (Oftenly will use guilt, shame, blue pilled advice) There are people out there who will take personality and character, you just need to find them! (Or other bullshit advice that most masses spew.)

Basically, the person denies and dismisses the fact that I am not physically attractive (at least enough to get dates and/or attention from other potential partners of the opposite sex) and instead offers meaningless platitudes and words that don't help the situation. Furthermore, said person is ignoring the fact that looks are important and trying to dismiss the claim that I am physically ugly (yes beauty is subjective, but don't fucking dismiss what someone thinks, their opinion is just as valid!)

Scenario 2:
Me: (Made some mistake or didn't do well on a particular task) "Oh wow, I'm an idiot. I should have done xyz instead of the abc"
Other: You're not an idiot. You just made some simple mistake.
Me: So I'm a genius?! I just made a stupid mistake!
Other: No, but you're not an idiot! Now stop putting yourself down/beating yourself up!

The conversation then derails and devolves into an altercation, quarrel, and both the other person and I are unhappy. I never asked for such platitudes or other general (unhelpful) uplifting comments. It doesn't help me, and doesn't solve the problem. Instead, they should give advice on how to prevent the same mistake from happening again or just acknowledge and respect the truth.

Scenario 3:
Me: I'm a fool, I shouldn't have done that.
Other: You're not a fool. (inserts other complment or generally useless, unhelpful comment).
Me: Yes I am, and I don't like it when you give me fucking platitudes
Other: (More upset at my use of profanity than the actual issue) Hey don't use that language with me! (Ignores what was said initially and more focused on just the fact I used a 'profane' word, regardless of context/situation.)

Similar to Scenario 2 and the reaction is also negative afterwards and everyone is unhappy.

In all the scenarios I've listed, I really fucking hate it when people don't acknowledge what I have to say and instead says the opposite and dismisses what I have to say. It hurts because it not only doesn't help my situation, I don't feel any better (especially being deceived and lied to) after hearing that. It just makes me more annoyed and stressed to hear something so unhelpful and disguised as a compliment. Perhaps I think and react differently from others, but what blows my mind is I don't get why people do this rather than just accept what I have to say and offer a damn solution? Or if there is no solution just fucking acknowledge that they don't know or have a solution! I just don't get why they can't just simply do that, but would rather ignore and dismiss my problems and instead offer some platitudes. Like ok, so how the fuck does that help my situation? Then when I call them out on their bullshit, they get mad and start verbally attacking me and escalate the situation.

From then on out, I am just not going to talk about my problems with anyone IRL anymore. If I suffer in silence, then so be it. They can't have it both ways. They claim they care and want to help (which means ignoring my actual issue, downplaying it, dismissing it, and offering a unhelpful platitude), but I'm done with it. It doesn't improve the situation, only creates additional problems and drama, get absolutely no where, wastes my time (and theirs too), and end up with everyone coming out more upset, more stressed out. They can't have it both ways, they can't have their cake and eat it at the same time. In other words, they can't expect me to open up and share my life and then decide to dismiss it and when I react negatively to that, then they get mad. It's like damned if I do and damned if I don't (more specifically, they want me to open up but if I don't they would hound me for it and keep pestering me until I do. If I do open up, then they will give me the same unhelpful advice/comments/niceties and if I reject it they get mad. There is just no win situation.). Fuck that shit, I just don't understand people's behavior and responses...

I'm sure they don't want to make you feel even worse about yourself so they say all these kind things. Either that or they think you're fishing for compliments.

 

[TAW122]

In that case, well fuck them if they don't respect my wishes and put me in a damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. I guess I'll just generally try to distance myself from them and if they keep pressing me, then not my fault if I go off on them (curse them out, scold them, or react negatively in a way they don't like).

 

[837]

Throughout my life, I run into situations where if I criticize myself or if I have an issue and point out the problem, I've oftenly been showered with platitudes or given general uplifting, but empty words. When I was younger and with much less self insight on my situation, I often just don't react to it and just take it as it is. Though that is no longer the case when I've grown older. In fact, I've become more annoyed and oftenly pissed when I hear people say that, because not only does it not help, it also detracts and dismisses my initial complaint, issue, or whatever grievances I have.

So here are a few IRL scenarios to highlight what happens:

Scenario 1:
Me: I'm just ugly so people don't find me attractive. Hence I'm a virgin and cannot get a relationship (let alone have sex).
Other: You're not ugly, you're handsome.
Me: (Not knowing what to say, but visibly annoyed, troubled) Well then why aren't people attracted to me? Are you saying looks don't matter?
Other: (Oftenly will use guilt, shame, blue pilled advice) There are people out there who will take personality and character, you just need to find them! (Or other bullshit advice that most masses spew.)

Basically, the person denies and dismisses the fact that I am not physically attractive (at least enough to get dates and/or attention from other potential partners of the opposite sex) and instead offers meaningless platitudes and words that don't help the situation. Furthermore, said person is ignoring the fact that looks are important and trying to dismiss the claim that I am physically ugly (yes beauty is subjective, but don't fucking dismiss what someone thinks, their opinion is just as valid!)

Scenario 2:
Me: (Made some mistake or didn't do well on a particular task) "Oh wow, I'm an idiot. I should have done xyz instead of the abc"
Other: You're not an idiot. You just made some simple mistake.
Me: So I'm a genius?! I just made a stupid mistake!
Other: No, but you're not an idiot! Now stop putting yourself down/beating yourself up!

The conversation then derails and devolves into an altercation, quarrel, and both the other person and I are unhappy. I never asked for such platitudes or other general (unhelpful) uplifting comments. It doesn't help me, and doesn't solve the problem. Instead, they should give advice on how to prevent the same mistake from happening again or just acknowledge and respect the truth.

Scenario 3:
Me: I'm a fool, I shouldn't have done that.
Other: You're not a fool. (inserts other complment or generally useless, unhelpful comment).
Me: Yes I am, and I don't like it when you give me fucking platitudes
Other: (More upset at my use of profanity than the actual issue) Hey don't use that language with me! (Ignores what was said initially and more focused on just the fact I used a 'profane' word, regardless of context/situation.)

Similar to Scenario 2 and the reaction is also negative afterwards and everyone is unhappy.

In all the scenarios I've listed, I really fucking hate it when people don't acknowledge what I have to say and instead says the opposite and dismisses what I have to say. It hurts because it not only doesn't help my situation, I don't feel any better (especially being deceived and lied to) after hearing that. It just makes me more annoyed and stressed to hear something so unhelpful and disguised as a compliment. Perhaps I think and react differently from others, but what blows my mind is I don't get why people do this rather than just accept what I have to say and offer a damn solution? Or if there is no solution just fucking acknowledge that they don't know or have a solution! I just don't get why they can't just simply do that, but would rather ignore and dismiss my problems and instead offer some platitudes. Like ok, so how the fuck does that help my situation? Then when I call them out on their bullshit, they get mad and start verbally attacking me and escalate the situation.

From then on out, I am just not going to talk about my problems with anyone IRL anymore. If I suffer in silence, then so be it. They can't have it both ways. They claim they care and want to help (which means ignoring my actual issue, downplaying it, dismissing it, and offering a unhelpful platitude), but I'm done with it. It doesn't improve the situation, only creates additional problems and drama, get absolutely no where, wastes my time (and theirs too), and end up with everyone coming out more upset, more stressed out. They can't have it both ways, they can't have their cake and eat it at the same time. In other words, they can't expect me to open up and share my life and then decide to dismiss it and when I react negatively to that, then they get mad. It's like damned if I do and damned if I don't (more specifically, they want me to open up but if I don't they would hound me for it and keep pestering me until I do. If I do open up, then they will give me the same unhelpful advice/comments/niceties and if I reject it they get mad. There is just no win situation.). Fuck that shit, I just don't understand people's behavior and responses...

This is why i doubt that therapy can help me. i know that therapists mean well but i don't think empty words or cliches can help. i am a lost cause, words cannot solve all problems.

 

[woxihuanni]

I think there is a difference between the first and latter examples. If you are ugly, you are ugly and everybody should shut their trap.

But every instance of idiocy does not necessarily mean you are an idiot overall. My ex-partner is extremely smart but they would call themselves an idiot when they made a mistake. I always said lovingly/jokingly, 'Don't call my x an idiot.' Then it became a sort of joke and they would ask me if they could call themselves an idiot when they fucked up royally. We never descended into a long, shrinky, destructive discussion.

 

[TAW122]

That's good @woxihuanni and glad that you are your ex-partner are able to make and share a joke between each other. As for what others said, yes, if I am considered ugly by what most looks standard is (still subjective, but at least has some basis, ground), then indeed, people need to shut their trap and not bring uplifting (useless) platitudes that only serve to piss me off more while making themselves feel good. It doesn't help the situation at all, nor does it change a thing.

 

[BabyYoda]

I relate so much to scenario 1.

 

[RM5998]

I think this is the extreme case of the general drift we have had towards making words powerless through overuse.

On a much smaller scale, the word 'awesome' doesn't really communicate anything to anyone these days. The word has been used so frequently (and sometimes w.r.t. things that are actually mediocre) that it doesn't really carry weight anymore.

It's the same thing with some of these larger ideas. When something disseminates into the popular consciousness, it is used carelessly, and often cheapens the underlying sentiment behind the words.

It's why the word depression lives in a limbo where we are both supposed to treat it seriously whenever it pops up but also scoff at its usage because it has been overused to the point of losing any meaning whatsoever.

There's probably an interesting thing to be said about this slow change in language and Orwell's Newpeak, where the use of language is independent of consciousness. I wonder if this forced usage of terminology makes the English language approach Newspeak without even having to excise words. After all, we're doing it ourselves, using words in such a way that they lose their ability to convey emotion. After all, when someone speaks through an entire conversation with stock phrases, it doesn't really convey sentiment, does it?

Spoiler: Ramble

I often wonder if people I talk to can understand what I'm trying to say. I wonder if they can see what I see, and feel what I feel. I wonder if this arrangement of words even conveys anything anymore. It's so strange... once you've started seeing language like that, you wonder if the things you say carry any weight with the people who hear/read them. I keep editing what I type, in a desperate attempt to find the right words, but remain afraid that they'll be just as weightless as everything else I hear.