Thanks

. I'm more afraid of the N strength now than my own. Knowing that mine came from a different batch, and one that was unexpected, now has me scared. I DESPERATELY need to exit for my sake and the sake of another ASAP. But failure terrifies me.
I in no way believe D would purposely rip anybody off, but who knows how desperate the party he got those few bottles from may have been.
I also continue to worry, and was reminded by
@wljourney (not purposely), of my fear of long-term benzo use interfering.
I know from a letter received by a friend from Dignitas that benzos makes no difference because It's an OD of N regardless. However, if I was paying one of the Swiss organizations instead of DIY, they would make sure that I CTB as they do for everyone who gets the "green light" for VAD.
I wish I could've gone in that direction. I have little doubt I would've been approved by one in particular, but the process is too long, and by then, my condition would probably make it impossible to take the very long flight.
There are so many things that PN never mentions, another one being the not- uncommon scary side-effect of meto. It took two doctors for me to get it, and I really had to convince the second that no other AEs work for the horrible stress-related nausea I was experiencing. He gave me only a small prescription for that reason. (Even though I specifically asked D to not include any, I found them in one of the 3 boxes I hadn't opened a few weeks after I received them).
For anybody who reads this, I'm sorry that I am too stressed out to find the other posts to quote. Please don't bash me for my PERSONAL fears. I'm NOT fear mongering as I see so many people accused of doing. I'm an anxious wreck, and I know that some of what I'm saying may sound and/or be irrational fears

.