People treat me like shit because I'm ugly and it's making me so sick in the head

[sergeantblackback]

I go through a few episodes a day where I start ruminating and spiraling over all the stares and mistreatment I've gotten from people throughout my life and it's absolutely ruining me, people really have treated me like a genuine notorious rapist who's just been released from prison all because how my fucking face looks

The frightening stares from the kids hurt the most, ive had many kids flat out stare at me for minutes completely unable to take their eyes off me, adults don't act any less bothered by my appearance either, and whatever is wrong with my face seems to be so bad that I actually sometimes get spoken to like I'm mentally disabled, sometimes ill have the odd usually older woman speak to me like I'm genuinely slow, it's fucking hell

Ive struggled with alcohol abuse and I've not drank since 15th of January but the urge to drink is coming back so so strong because I can't stop ruminating about these stares and this mistreatment, I've got a 4 pack of beers in my room and I can't get the taste of beer out of my mind it's getting stronger every day

The list of types of mistreatment ive gotten is about as long as leg, but the most prominent ones are getting stared at (obviously), getting laughed at, girls at the gym looking at me and whispering, people flat out ignoring me, teenagers looking at me like I have diarrhea all over my face, people showing uncomfortable body language when stood next to me, these are just a few things

Idk what to do man i can't deal with these episodes of pure hatred and anger anymore, the anger is SO fucking intense it's insane, I truly believe that most humans are evil beings because just how can I be treated so fucking badly just because my face doesn't look "normal", it's just a constant horrible reminder that we really are just cavemen animals deep down

I'm pretty convinced these stares and this mistreatment has given me BPD or bipolar or something, the spirals are growing so much more intense and fucking agonizing, I genuinely feel like screaming in despair because it hurts so much

 

[internallybeautiful]

i can completely relate. the amount of odd, disgusted looks i get from strangers, of any and every age— it hurts so bad. im so sorry you have to go through this. my grotesque looking face hinders me from forming any social connections or relationships, to the point where i dont even go outside anymore.

 

[cluefixphantom]

Could it be that you have fetal alcohol spectrum disorder or other organic disabilities? I can relate to what you're describing. I'm female and discriminated my whole life because of my parents, who possibly had Cushing's syndrome and other issues, and they were also addicted to drugs. I apparently have serious problems with my kidneys and thyroid. Others maybe think I am incest child (like the american Whittakers who became popular as "Lolcows"). They often insult me as r'tard, fr'ak or even hermaphrodit. They don't know if I am female or male. My hair is damaged and hairline manly. Because of my thyroid my eyes got large and my skin is filled with blackheads. I maybe suffer from Porphyrie too. My body stinks like ammoniac but I cannot access any health service they don't want to help.

btw. in 2024 I tried to get care assistance and the social worker (was a woman but a very mean bch) sabotaged everything, because she doesn't want to help me. She then gossiped about me and often insulted me as ugly. I guess she even shot a photo with her phone to show it to her work collegues and family, friends and maybe even she or they upload it to gossip. Very psychopathic.

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

Could it be that you have fetal alcohol spectrum disorder or other organic disabilities? I can relate to what you're describing. I'm female and discriminated my whole life because of my parents, who possibly had Cushing's syndrome and other issues, and they were also addicted to drugs. I apparently have serious problems with my kidneys and thyroid. Others maybe think I am incest child (like the american Whittakers who became popular as "Lolcows"). They often insult me as r'tard, fr'ak or even hermaphrodit. They don't know if I am female or male. My hair is damaged and hairline manly. Because of my thyroid my eyes got large and my skin is filled with blackheads. I maybe suffer from Porphyrie too. My body stinks like ammoniac but I cannot access any health service they don't want to help.

btw. in 2024 I tried to get care assistance and the social worker (was a woman but a very mean bch) sabotaged everything, because she doesn't want to help me. She then gossiped about me and often insulted me as ugly. I guess she even shot a photo with her phone to show it to her work collegues and family, friends and maybe even she or they upload it to gossip. Very psychopathic.

That sounds awful- I can't imagine dealing with looks discrimination on top of having legit medical conditions going on. I really relate to your experiences with social workers, it feels like that's another "former mean girl" field