Venting people scare me

[wastingpotential]

everybody i've ever fucking known since i was little always had to turn out to be an asshole and/or take advantage of me. i hate always wanting to see the good in people and believe kindness exists.

i always did everything i could to help out everybody i've known and i was used for it constantly, now i'm some full on agoraphobe who can barely stomach interacting with relatives i currently live with, because either they've used me in some form or if i tried to communicate my issues, nobody would give a shit or make an empty promise to change / stop.

it sucks especially when i'm still hanging on by a thread now so nobody has to say they have a "dead daughter/sister/friend" etc. feels like it doesn't even matter since all they'd really lose is someone with as much patience to put up with their shit as much as i do.

i'm so tired and hurt 24/7 and i try so hard to dissociate everyday and avoid how bad it hurts, but i've just been at my limit this past week, and i don't believe it'll get any better this month and especially the next.

i hate people. i wish i could never interact with others for the rest of this god awful life i have to endure.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's just so awful how many humans are so unnecessarily cruel and just create way more suffering, I understand why you'd feel so tired. But anyway best wishes.

 

[GoldenTicket420]

everybody i've ever fucking known since i was little always had to turn out to be an asshole and/or take advantage of me. i hate always wanting to see the good in people and believe kindness exists.

i always did everything i could to help out everybody i've known and i was used for it constantly, now i'm some full on agoraphobe who can barely stomach interacting with relatives i currently live with, because either they've used me in some form or if i tried to communicate my issues, nobody would give a shit or make an empty promise to change / stop.

it sucks especially when i'm still hanging on by a thread now so nobody has to say they have a "dead daughter/sister/friend" etc. feels like it doesn't even matter since all they'd really lose is someone with as much patience to put up with their shit as much as i do.

i'm so tired and hurt 24/7 and i try so hard to dissociate everyday and avoid how bad it hurts, but i've just been at my limit this past week, and i don't believe it'll get any better this month and especially the next.

i hate people. i wish i could never interact with others for the rest of this god awful life i have to endure.

I understand. I have to work a few weeks to a month at a time, save money and move on before anyone gets to know me. I try to be open but can never fully open up to strangers because of my past. After they realized how I am, they become offish or think I'm mean or ignorant. I'm fit, good looking I'm told, and smart, so I think everyone I keep distance from at work thinks I'm a jerk or something. This is how I manage living like this. On to the next job. And it's hard to meet like minded people like me who understand. They are either more closed up than me or they are gone. Is there a Suicide dating site!?

 

[wastingpotential]

I understand. I have to work a few weeks to a month at a time, save money and move on before anyone gets to know me. I try to be open but can never fully open up to strangers because of my past. After they realized how I am, they become offish or think I'm mean or ignorant. I'm fit, good looking I'm told, and smart, so I think everyone I keep distance from at work thinks I'm a jerk or something. This is how I manage living like this. On to the next job. And it's hard to meet like minded people like me who understand. They are either more closed up than me or they are gone. Is there a Suicide dating site!?

No clue but i've read posts on here in the past of people meeting each other and ending up together (or just ctb'ing together) but i don't remember the names or titles of the posts. Good luck if you try researching.

I do find your current lifestyle quite ideal though, i'd love to just constantly be up and moving further away from my current life while maintaining jobs. Hope all is well with you in that aspect aside from people thinking you're a jerk and whatnot

 

[sserafim]

H.sapiens is truly the worst species

 

[Throwawayacc3]

everybody i've ever fucking known since i was little always had to turn out to be an asshole and/or take advantage of me. i hate always wanting to see the good in people and believe kindness exists.

i always did everything i could to help out everybody i've known and i was used for it constantly, now i'm some full on agoraphobe who can barely stomach interacting with relatives i currently live with, because either they've used me in some form or if i tried to communicate my issues, nobody would give a shit or make an empty promise to change / stop.

it sucks especially when i'm still hanging on by a thread now so nobody has to say they have a "dead daughter/sister/friend" etc. feels like it doesn't even matter since all they'd really lose is someone with as much patience to put up with their shit as much as i do.

i'm so tired and hurt 24/7 and i try so hard to dissociate everyday and avoid how bad it hurts, but i've just been at my limit this past week, and i don't believe it'll get any better this month and especially the next.

i hate people. i wish i could never interact with others for the rest of this god awful life i have to endure.

You need to replace imbecile people with animals - everything you mentioned in your post will be flipped. Even a bite from an abused cockatoo will give you something (it's doing it from trauma and to protect itself) so I don't lash out of make any scene.

It's really the only way. I did it when I less than 10 and I'm 30s now. People are NOTHING like animals.

 

[wastingpotential]

You need to replace imbecile people with animals - everything you mentioned in your post will be flipped. Even a bite from an abused cockatoo will give you something (it's doing it from trauma and to protect itself) so I don't lash out of make any scene.

It's really the only way. I did it when I less than 10 and I'm 30s now. People are NOTHING like animals.

Used to be like this till last year, had two cats i lived for in the past 5 years and then life got fucking worse and imbecile people forced me to let them go and put them up in a shelter where they passed away in shortly after due to a virus. More people then blamed me for their deaths. *insert shrug emoji*

I think i'm just destined to be miserable no matter how i'll ever beg to be loved. Its alright or whatever

Edit: kinda vented a bit there, my bad if it makes you uncomfortable. Im so out of it today and this week in general

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Used to be like this till last year, had two cats i lived for in the past 5 years and then life got fucking worse and imbecile people forced me to let them go and put them up in a shelter where they passed away in shortly after due to a virus. More people then blamed me for their deaths. *insert shrug emoji*

I think i'm just destined to be miserable no matter how i'll ever beg to be loved. Its alright or whatever

Edit: kinda vented a bit there, my bad if it makes you uncomfortable. Im so out of it today and this week in general

Yeah people interfering and being cunts. I've not experienced that with my pets but I get it.

I mean maybe going to a sanctuary or shelter for animals. Don't give to human charities - it's all corrupt and fucked up (I explained it in detail on another thread).

I know that even my presence at the sanctuary I go to helps. This little deer knows me voice now and she trots over for neck scratches.

Yeah I don't know. Just a suggestion. I'm not cut out for people.

 

[another_user]

Me too. I hate realising someone I thought was genuinely kind is just acting that way to manipulate people.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Humans are incredibly violent and for some strange reason are very rude. Frankly I try to avoid them because they usually yell at me.

Spoiler: ppl are mean

That's actually one of the reasons I don't put my ACTUAL ACTUAL thoughts on this forum.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

and believe kindness exists

It does exist. But abusers can mask as kind people

 

[wastingpotential]

It does exist. But abusers can mask as kind people

Wouldn't know that, never met a non-abuser and i don't think i ever will by the looks of it