Venting People caring hurts

[höstdepressioner]

Does anyone else find that people caring about you does not bring any happiness or relief, but just hurts instead? It feels like when people care about me, all i can think of is how i will waste that care when i eventually ctb and i wish no one did so no one would be "hurt" by it at all. It makes me want to destroy all relationships i have so it would be so much easier for me and those who know me.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Yes to literally all of what you've written. I've come to places of being able to enjoy the care but I always carry guilt as well.

Im attempting to destroy relationships but I'm probs just causing more worry. The guilt makes me physically sick/nauseous... I dunno whats the best way to go about having relations & wanting to CTB

 

[hevlalab]

Does anyone else find that people caring about you does not bring any happiness or relief, but just hurts instead? It feels like when people care about me, all i can think of is how i will waste that care when i eventually ctb and i wish no one did so no one would be "hurt" by it at all. It makes me want to destroy all relationships i have so it would be so much easier for me and those who know me.

Absolutely. I'vE ignored all calls and messages from all my friends who love me for at least 4 months now. In my head I think I'm making it easier for them when I ctb so they can get used to not hearing from me when in reality all I'm doing is making them worry more. I can't even bring myself to lie to them and say "I'm okay" because i know that would be a fabrication to what I truly feel. I just hope they know I still think about them and miss them dearly

 

[höstdepressioner]

Yes to literally all of what you've written. I've come to places of being able to enjoy the care but I always carry guilt as well.

Im attempting to destroy relationships but I'm probs just causing more worry. The guilt makes me physically sick/nauseous... I dunno whats the best way to go about having relations & wanting to CTB

Exactly, it always feels there's no way out of people worrying and it's awful.

Absolutely. I'vE ignored all calls and messages from all my friends who love me for at least 4 months now. In my head I think I'm making it easier for them when I ctb so they can get used to not hearing from me when in reality all I'm doing is making them worry more. I can't even bring myself to lie to them and say "I'm okay" because i know that would be a fabrication to what I truly feel. I just hope they know I still think about them and miss them dearly

I'm considering doing the same, is it easy to ignore such things or not?

 

[R_N]

It also hurts to care when someone is in pain or worse.

Some emotions are tragic and inevitable. Nature is cruel.

 

[hevlalab]

Exactly, it always feels there's no way out of people worrying and it's awful.

I'm considering doing the same, is it easy to ignore such things or not?

It really depends. Part of the fact I don't reply or keep in touch with them is because I feel ashamed of myself and also guilty that I haven't returned their calls or text. I've left it for so long now, 4 months is long time without seeing your friends so I've gotten used to it now. I'm debating on meeting up with them again before I CTB to hopefully give them a last memory of me before I go but I don't know. I've developed a strong social anxiety now since isolating myself so exposing myself to the world again seems scary to me. I feel like a shit friend definitely. Do you feel like you can ignore your friends?

 

[imsocold]

I feel so sorry for the people around me

 

[höstdepressioner]

It also hurts to care when someone is in pain or worse.

Some emotions are tragic and inevitable. Nature is cruel.

definitely, the human nature makes it all too hard.

It really depends. Part of the fact I don't reply or keep in touch with them is because I feel ashamed of myself and also guilty that I haven't returned their calls or text. I've left it for so long now, 4 months is long time without seeing your friends so I've gotten used to it now. I'm debating on meeting up with them again before I CTB to hopefully give them a last memory of me before I go but I don't know. I've developed a strong social anxiety now since isolating myself so exposing myself to the world again seems scary to me. I feel like a shit friend definitely. Do you feel like you can ignore your friends?

It would be good to do so, i plan to do the same before i ctb. I feel i could but it would be hard to get used to in a way.

I feel so sorry for the people around me

Me too, i feel i must be awful to deal with.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Does anyone else find that people caring about you does not bring any happiness or relief, but just hurts instead? It feels like when people care about me, all i can think of is how i will waste that care when i eventually ctb and i wish no one did so no one would be "hurt" by it at all. It makes me want to destroy all relationships i have so it would be so much easier for me and those who know me.

To be honest I just don't believe people when they say it. I'm not sure if I ever will again believe someone does. When everyone you know... shows you how little they care. It becomes impossible to. Frankly even the people who do say they care.... The only way to really prove to me you care is to show me. People aren't willing/to lazy to do that.

 

[puella]

I'm sorry you feel this way.

feels like when people care about me, all i can think of is how i will waste that care when i eventually ctb

If it makes you feel any better, I would care about you regardless of this. I don't think you can 'waste' care. Let me know if you want someone who you don't need to worry about hurting to care about you.

 

[höstdepressioner]

To be honest I just don't believe people when they say it. I'm not sure if I ever will again believe someone does. When everyone you know... shows you how little they care. It becomes impossible to. Frankly even the people who do say they care.... The only way to really prove to me you care is to show me. People aren't willing/to lazy to do that.

That's true, the main reason i struggle so much is because the people who care do show it at times. It makes disbelieving them harder.

If it makes you feel any better, I would care about you regardless of this. I don't think you can 'waste' care. Let me know if you want someone who you don't need to worry about hurting to care about you.

Thank you, if you are willing to care about me i will care back for you.

 

[puella]

That's true, the main reason i struggle so much is because the people who care do show it at times. It makes disbelieving them harder.

Thank you, if you are willing to care about me i will care back for you.

I am more than willing. And thank you.

 

[Abandoned Character]

Absolutely. I'vE ignored all calls and messages from all my friends who love me for at least 4 months now. In my head I think I'm making it easier for them when I ctb so they can get used to not hearing from me when in reality all I'm doing is making them worry more. I can't even bring myself to lie to them and say "I'm okay" because i know that would be a fabrication to what I truly feel. I just hope they know I still think about them and miss them dearly

I have a few circles of friends I have been ignoring like this for a year and a half now. It still hurts. I still want to reach out to them, but all I can think of to say is "im sorry, you dont deserve me, Im an asshole" and who wants to hear that? So I just don't respond to their attempts to reach me...one of these days I know I will reconnect, at least with some, I just feel like I need to feel good about myself first, like I have myself partially together enough to actually share something meaningful with them again...

Does anyone else find that people caring about you does not bring any happiness or relief, but just hurts instead? It feels like when people care about me, all i can think of is how i will waste that care when i eventually ctb and i wish no one did so no one would be "hurt" by it at all. It makes me want to destroy all relationships i have so it would be so much easier for me and those who know me.

The question is, what hurts more? The pain of being alive, or the pain of saying goodbye? For me, it is the latter, and this is why I am still alive. As a result, I am actually choosing to live, and this helps me move forward.

May you find the answers you seek.

 

[brokeandbroken]

That's true, the main reason i struggle so much is because the people who care do show it at times. It makes disbelieving them harder.

I've experienced only the opposite from all of humanity.