Venting People can call it ‘Lazy’ but I don’t care anymore.

[callen]

Whenever i've expressed how I feel to therapists or people i encounter, they call me lazy and weak.

I do understand their reasons, but I have reached the point where I don't care anymore.

I know i'm an awful person, but I have no will to live for the sake of living and still being a waste.

I feel bad for my family grieving, but i feel worse for being a leech and a complete failure to them my entire life, which is what i know I'd be for even longer if I lived.

Each day I spend alive is me wasting time. I know my time is approaching.

Anyone else going through the same thing?

 

[jbear824]

"Lazy" is a concept that that people have been brainwashed to believe in order to keep control over the population. It's something wage slaves call other people who aren't selling their life to a business or for money. It's a way to try and guilt people for not doing what society expects of them.

It's a bunch of bullshit. You do what you want. And if someone calls you lazy, just laugh at them. How enslaved must THEY be if you just doing what you want upsets them so. Just laugh right in their face.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I can relate to this. I know my Dad must think I'm being lazy and in truth- I am. I'm hoping it won't get to the point where I do need to depend on them. I will actually make myself find work before that but I know he must feel disappointed and frustrated along with the rest of my family.

This is what I'd want to say to them though: (but never would.)

I'd argue- my sense of responsibility and achievement is different to yours. Yes, it's lazzyness but it's also choice. I simply see the end goal as not being worth it for the amount of effort I'll have to put in.

Plus- I want to kill myself- so- my end goal isn't life related! How do you expect to motivate someone who doesn't want to live to give a shit about anything life related?!!

So- it's 'lazy' not to work. Why are we working? To support ourselves financially, so we don't have to depend on the state or our families. Ok- I'll begrudgingly do that but remember- You decided to bring me in to all this to be a wage slave! Why did you just assume that I would be able to work and support myself? Lots of awful things can happen to human beings. What would you have done if I truly couldn't work? Did you have any contingency for that? No. You were probably hoping I'd earn enough to support you one day in fact. You should have put that investment in a pension. Why did you make that choice for me and expect me to comply?

It's 'lazy' of me not to work towards my goals. But I have worked towards my goals. I gave it everything in fact. But now- I look at the pinnacle of my industry and it's sometimes working a 16 hour day, 6 days a week. Does that sound appealing to anyone? Why would anyone want to be exploited like that?!! So- you may see it as lazyness. I call it- not being taken for a mug. Why should we want to work to make rich people richer?!! Screw that.

It's 'lazy' not to work on my own self development. That's true. Some things simply scared me too much- so- I hid from them and did the softer option. Maybe I could have made my life better for myself. Who knows? What does my crystal ball say? Oh- you don't know because you can't see my future. How do you know it would turn out ok then if I only put more effort in? You don't. You're probably thinking statistically wise. Ok- then say that: 'Things might get better if you put in a lot more effort.' Not- 'Things will get better.' Stuff doesn't happen by magic!

Still- you're asking me to put myself through probably horrendously uncomfortable endeavours for a totally unknown reward. Would you do that? What would make it worth it for you? Meeting a partner? I'm resolved to being alone. Having children? I don't want children. Having a career? I'm having a career and being exploited left, right and centre. Earning lots of money? Great but I don't have the talent for the really well paid stuff and I want to stay being creative- creatives aren't paid well! Being happier with my lot then? Why should I be? Because other people have it worse? I feel sorry for them of course but it doesn't change how much I dislike my life and don't want to participate in it. To make the time I have here easier? That one works for me. I'll put in the effort I need to to try and ensure things don't get any worse! Still- I've had enough of giving my all for 'castles in the sky.' (Unrealistic dreams/ goals.)

What I'd especially like to be able to say to all these therapists and life coaches is- 'do you offer refunds?' If I follow your advice to the letter, are you so confident that I'll be satisfied that you'll give me my money back if I'm not? If not- why not? You're offering a service here. Why isn't it protected by the same guarantees other services are?!! I'm not convinced in any way that the rewards you so value in life would have the same effect on me so- why would I put myself through more struggle to try and achieve them?!!

 

[Hotsackage]

They mean well, but they haven't really experienced what you're experiencing, so they really have no idea, just because they have a degree doesn't mean they know what it its actually like.