People are worse off than you.

[scorpiooo2]

Does anybody hear often "There are people who are much worse off than you"

I hear it quite often and it doesn't make me feel better at all. I don't know if I'm an awful person or if I just don't feel sympathy for others because I honestly don't care that there are people starving or being tortured I mean that's not good at all but I don't feel sympathetic for them all the time. If I read about something like that online of course I'm going to feel a little bad. But my mental state is telling me that they're not me and I can't feel their pain but only mine. The world is an awful place and there are really bad people who do really bad things so of course things like that are going to happen. But there isn't anything I can do about it, I mean I would if I could but I can't. I'm told all the time I'm a bad person for thinking this way.

Am I? Or is there someone who feels like this also.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

Theres no such thing as comparative suffering.

I wouldnt use your feelings in this arena to gauge how great, caring, empathetic etc. you are as a human being. Thats a separate topic.

 

[Squiddy]

I hear it quite a bit and it's annoying. I didn't know it was a competition on who's worse.

 

[Mr2005]

I don't even know how to answer this. There's so much there and I don't want to fuck it up. I'll see what others have to say. You're definitely not alone I know that much

 

[oopswronglife]

It's meant to bring perspective and have you evaluate how bad it really is and see that it could be worse, and that sometimes even worse is survivable by some. We are really bad about seeing ourselves and our own options many times.

But...they don't get that not everyone has the same pain tolerances, resources, options....AND they don't get that its easy to speak of such things when you don't have to do them. There is also the component of them needing to believe it's true so they have an out if life turns on them. Like you said you live in your body and head 24.7....they don't.

 

[Aleksandra]

i think it's human to think that way, i usually feel quite attacked when someone says "_______ had it worse than you", it completely invalidates your emotions and what you experienced. i can understand thinking about it to yourself, but not saying it to someone. it's like saying to someone "you look a lot prettier without makeup!" so a backhand compliment

 

[ThriveOrDie]

No you are not a bad person. The people invalidating your feelings are ass holes.

 

[Mr2005]

I do think I have it worse than many people yet I'm still considerate of their feelings. Unfortunately most will always put theirs first and don't even try to see things from your point of view. I've been where a lot of the younger members have been so know only too well

 

[Thorn]

There was a bomb squad guy who lost his eyes, his arms, and his legs. That was back in the 1990's, everyone has long forgotten him, but I still remember how he was shown in the local news. And I could only imagine, although I would rather not. No one can understand the pain they have not experienced. Through pain comes the wisdom and the depth of mind. If you can save someone from being worse off, then do it, if they already are, then who let that happen, and why?
Because that saying feels like an accusation, or maybe evasion, depending on who's saying it and in what context.

 

[nothingleft]

There's no point in comparing suffering. Your pain is real. People can be suicidal for many different reasons, but when you're thinking of taking your own life you're at the lowest point you can be. Besides, some people are naturally more resilient than others and despite horrible things happening to them would never consider suicide.

 

[mnjkl]

I think about that a lot. I watch videos of terrible things happening around the world every day and it reminds me that as bad as things are for me, they are even worse for millions of people. All the more reason to leave this goddamn place : )

 

[Wayfaerer]

Does anybody hear often "There are people who are much worse off than you"

Yes, all of the fucking time! From people who have zero idea what it is like to be in my shoes. So fucking what that there are people worse off than me? There are always people worse of than somebody else! Also, so what if they continue you "live" their shitty lives despite the fact? Maybe they don't kill themselves because they are just suckers. Other people who live awful lives don't fix mine in anyway.

 

[deflagrat]

If they are in a worse situation than us, they should kill themselves too, it's not my problem if they want to live. Are you supposed to be happy just because someone else is doing worse? Sometimes I envy them because they have the right situation for ctb and I am supposed to wait until my parents die (I can't bring myself to hurt them). It's weird, I get used to living and suddenly I want to live longer because I have become used to it, but then I think about it and I remember how unhappy I am all the time and how I would prefer if life allowed me to kill myself.

 

[Wayfaerer]

There was a bomb squad guy who lost his eyes, his arms, and his legs. That was back in the 1990's, everyone has long forgotten him, but I still remember how he was shown in the local news. And I could only imagine, although I would rather not. No one can understand the pain they have not experienced. Through pain comes the wisdom and the depth of mind. If you can save someone from being worse off, then do it, if they already are, then who let that happen, and why?
Because that saying feels like an accusation, or maybe evasion, depending on who's saying it and in what context.

What good is wisdom and "life experience" when you are going to be dead in a few decades at best? Hate it when people say that life is all about "learning" when you forget everything when you die.

No you are not a bad person. The people invalidating your feelings are ass holes.

To be fair, I am often guilty of this but only when someone's bullshit "problems" are transient and easily fixed. I can't sympathize with anyone unless their problems are permanent and damaging.

 

[Thorn]

What good is wisdom and "life experience" when you are going to be dead in a few decades at best? Hate it when people say that life is all about "learning" when you forget everything when you die.

You would need to be aware that you exist and can end it, and by being here, for example, you learn the how-to's. Or through failures. If you have made it this far, you probably did not know how or why to end it at birth. Finding out how meaningful or meaningless anything is, comes through this experience. How long it takes is irrelevant. Everything that matters is, what it means to you, personally. And what others learn from you, is not lost.
When people are seen as a cattle rather than individuals, "life" as such has actually no meaning, and everyone is pretty much alone in this.

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Nothing boils my blood more than that quote... It's a not a bloody competition. I'm sick of people always feeling the need to 1 up everyone.

 

[woxihuanni]

I got that shit from an old friend in a subtle way. They told me that I was never happy anyway when I told them I was thinking of leaving soon. This is because they have it 'worse' than me, in their opinion. You know what fucker, yes you do, because I've put in a lot more work. And it is true that I care more, I could not live your life. Neither can I live mine, now, but people are sensitive to different degrees. Yes, I have clear terms for life, while you are fine sort of living the day. Live the fuck on, but that shit you threw at me is just an extension of the jealousy you've been throwing at me since the beginning. And the belittling which I always rose above because it made me sad you were jealous.

As I said, if people are happy with lives I would run out of screaming in two minutes, good on them. It's not my problem.

What good is wisdom and "life experience" when you are going to be dead in a few decades at best? Hate it when people say that life is all about "learning" when you forget everything when you die.


To be fair, I am often guilty of this but only when someone's bullshit "problems" are transient and easily fixed. I can't sympathize with anyone unless their problems are permanent and damaging.

And 'healing/growing'. There needs to be a high school class where they teach that there is a difference between healing from your own demons and healing from what life throws at you. Slinking away from every single defeat and surviving in the ruins of it does not equal growing or something. It is possible that you are the most grown-up person in a situation where you don't have a good hand to play and you lose. Loss does not make you grow then, it diminishes you. While the other parties keep enjoying their immature selves.

If they are in a worse situation than us, they should kill themselves too, it's not my problem if they want to live.

Precisely. How is that my problem?

 

[StillWaiting]

It is ridiculous saying that to people thinking that it will help them.
In the end, we still have to live our own life. No matter how bad others lives are.

 

[sleepless]

Initially I used to comfort myself with such statements. But I soon realize that it doesn't change anything. This is my state of mind, my thoughts, dreams(or rather nightmares) and memories which I can't erase. If such statements could magically alter the mental state of a person, the DSM wouldn't be that complex and thick.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Not read all the replies, but my two cents,
I hate the saying someone has it worse then you, but it's a saying I find coming out of my mouth *I'm ok as XYZ has it worse then me*
Its a saying that's been drummed into human society for so long now, yet at what point does that stop, at what point is someone so bad that the saying no longer is applicable? Your death bed? But by then that saying would no longer be valid. Everyone's level of happy, everyone's level of sad, everyone's level of a bad day is different.
Why should it almost be a competition. Instead of that saying why not offer comfort and support and realise we are all human with our own emotions no matter where they are on the scale. Just because theirs may not match yours, doesn't mean life should be better for the other.

Why the fuck can I never resize this shit

 

[Oblivion]

a chaos to the butterfly is order to the spider (something like that)

 

[ish]

Does anybody hear often "There are people who are much worse off than you"

I hear it quite often and it doesn't make me feel better at all. I don't know if I'm an awful person or if I just don't feel sympathy for others because I honestly don't care that there are people starving or being tortured I mean that's not good at all but I don't feel sympathetic for them all the time. If I read about something like that online of course I'm going to feel a little bad. But my mental state is telling me that they're not me and I can't feel their pain but only mine. The world is an awful place and there are really bad people who do really bad things so of course things like that are going to happen. But there isn't anything I can do about it, I mean I would if I could but I can't. I'm told all the time I'm a bad person for thinking this way.

Am I? Or is there someone who feels like this also.

It's just a slogan, it works on a feedback principle. In fact, no one can be better than it is.

 

[Misanthrope]

It is just a trite response that does not help in any way at all. It seems it is not a case you don't care but are maybe too much in your own pain and that is crippling in its own way. Comparing pain to others in worse pain is honestly idiotic because like you say we are all unique with our own circumstances and every one on this site should shut up as they are not eating their own babies in North Korea.. I am fairly certain if I set a person on fire their first thought would not be for starving people in Africa. It is just pain crushes your thinking down to survival mode. Taking on the pain of the rest of world is not going to help much with that. If you do go that route it takes energy you likely don't even have to be an effective activist. I have had similar trite crap phrases thrown my way.

Trite Dismissive Phrase: "Well at least you are not a starving African and have a roof over your head."
Me: "Are you saying I need to be starving African or homeless before you will acknowledge my pain is meaningful enough to help me with it?"

 

[ish]

It is just a trite response that does not help in any way at all. It seems it is not a case you don't care but are maybe too much in your own pain and that is crippling in its own way. Comparing pain to others in worse pain is honestly idiotic because like you say we are all unique with our own circumstances and every one on this site should shut up as they are not eating their own babies in North Korea.. I am fairly certain if I set a person on fire their first thought would not be for starving people in Africa. It is just pain crushes your thinking down to survival mode. Taking on the pain of the rest of world is not going to help much with that. If you do go that route it takes energy you likely don't even have to be an effective activist. I have had similar trite crap phrases thrown my way.

Trite Dismissive Phrase: "Well at least you are not a starving African and have a roof over your head."
Me: "Are you saying I need to be starving African or homeless before you will acknowledge my pain is meaningful enough to help me with it?"

Your question provokes my question - how can I
help? , do you want truth or consolation?
Talking on the internet, we are only dependent on words,
we do not see the interlocutor's behavior during the speech.