People are really pissing me off right now.

[Zzzzz]

So my dad died few months ago and I was going to be homeless but a relative offered I stay with them temporarily until I figure out what to do. This person knows I have not had a job or income for many years and that I do not have the strength to do that. They know I was homeless for a year and a half and they know I have no where to go right now. They said I can stay for the holidays and then I need to move out soon after. They told me not to THINK or WORRY about it for now. They just texted me today, saying they need to talk about long term plans with me. Its not even December yet and they seem like they want to kick me out today. They keep talking about it as if to constantly remind me that I'm getting my ass fucking kicked out soon and I better not forget it. As if they're afraid I'll say" nope, I choose to stay forever," Even though it's not my fucking house and I was INVITED HERE TO STAY AS A GUEST. It's so stressful. It honestly makes me want to pack my bags and never speak to any of these people again in my life. I would have ctb already but SI is preventing me. Maybe I could overcome SI if I didn't have to worry about being resuscitated. Maybe if I wasn't forced to do a painful and terrifying method. Maybe if supportive friends could legally watch me self-administer my euthanasia with the Doctor present, so I wouldn't have to die cold and alone. I really hope I can overcome SI before I become homeless. I don't have the strength to be homeless again. This is too stressful. I'm about to blow up on everyone.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds very frustrating. I cannot stand people personally. Nobody should have to resort to a painful method, we all deserve a reliable peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing. Life really is so horrible. I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Zzzzz]

That sounds very frustrating. I cannot stand people personally. Nobody should have to resort to a painful method, we all deserve a reliable peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing. Life really is so horrible. I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

It honestly feels traumatizing, the way I am being treated. I knew that my father would never kick me out or abandon me, but I know everyone else will. It's a horrible feeling. The universe is incredibly cruel for not giving me death already.

 

[ascetic_]

This is a tough situation.

On the one hand, they invited you to stay, knowing your situation, yet are acting as though they have done it begrudgingly.

But on the other, it is a bit of an inconvenience to have another adult living with you who isn't contributing to the household.

That being said, the relative should have enough good will and mercy to allow you time to grieve, recuperate, and figure out what to do.

If you aren't planning on CTB soon, you'll have to figure out what you can do to support yourself one way or the other, as this person clearly isn't reliable.

 

[cambrai33]

So my dad died few months ago and I was going to be homeless but a relative offered I stay with them temporarily until I figure out what to do. This person knows I have not had a job or income for many years and that I do not have the strength to do that. They know I was homeless for a year and a half and they know I have no where to go right now. They said I can stay for the holidays and then I need to move out soon after. They told me not to THINK or WORRY about it for now. They just texted me today, saying they need to talk about long term plans with me. Its not even December yet and they seem like they want to kick me out today. They keep talking about it as if to constantly remind me that I'm getting my ass fucking kicked out soon and I better not forget it. As if they're afraid I'll say" nope, I choose to stay forever," Even though it's not my fucking house and I was INVITED HERE TO STAY AS A GUEST. It's so stressful. It honestly makes me want to pack my bags and never speak to any of these people again in my life. I would have ctb already but SI is preventing me. Maybe I could overcome SI if I didn't have to worry about being resuscitated. Maybe if I wasn't forced to do a painful and terrifying method. Maybe if supportive friends could legally watch me self-administer my euthanasia with the Doctor present, so I wouldn't have to die cold and alone. I really hope I can overcome SI before I become homeless. I don't have the strength to be homeless again. This is too stressful. I'm about to blow up on everyone.

This probably has your head all over the place right now and I don't know the ins and outs of it all but you are there for the time being so try and use it as best you can to either work out where you will go next or to change their mind in some way.

You don't have to pack your bags but I totally get why you would want to if you feel you are unwelcome there. I hope you manage to work things out and win each battle however small

Stay here talking, we don't know you but we understand a lot of what you are facing so try and offload on us if you feel up to it

 

[Zzzzz]

I appreciate the comments and concern . I should add that I do have a LITTLE money saved up, but they won't accept my money. Even if I paid rent and slept on the couch, they still obviously don't want me around. They said they don't have enough "space." I hate when people have unrealistic expectations. It's obvious to anyone by now after so many years, that I'm not"getting better" . There's no 5 year plan, I literally cannot even think about next week. I just wish I could be honest with them and say I have zero desire or intention to live life, and then gracefully exit. But no, there must be shit and drama and misunderstandings partly because I have to lie about my true intentions . It is what it is I guess. But every day I'm hoping will be the day I finally overcome SI and do it.

 

[Mardiha]

So my dad died few months ago and I was going to be homeless but a relative offered I stay with them temporarily until I figure out what to do. This person knows I have not had a job or income for many years and that I do not have the strength to do that. They know I was homeless for a year and a half and they know I have no where to go right now. They said I can stay for the holidays and then I need to move out soon after. They told me not to THINK or WORRY about it for now. They just texted me today, saying they need to talk about long term plans with me. Its not even December yet and they seem like they want to kick me out today. They keep talking about it as if to constantly remind me that I'm getting my ass fucking kicked out soon and I better not forget it. As if they're afraid I'll say" nope, I choose to stay forever," Even though it's not my fucking house and I was INVITED HERE TO STAY AS A GUEST. It's so stressful. It honestly makes me want to pack my bags and never speak to any of these people again in my life. I would have ctb already but SI is preventing me. Maybe I could overcome SI if I didn't have to worry about being resuscitated. Maybe if I wasn't forced to do a painful and terrifying method. Maybe if supportive friends could legally watch me self-administer my euthanasia with the Doctor present, so I wouldn't have to die cold and alone. I really hope I can overcome SI before I become homeless. I don't have the strength to be homeless again. This is too stressful. I'm about to blow up on everyone.

I'm sorry for your lossWow, I feel horrible for you…I mean why are they in such a hurry…they don't seem compassionate at all. And to top it off you wanna CTB. Not sure if you mentioned but did you want to CTB before your dad passed, or is it because of this? I wish I could help you…but I do understand about not being able to do it because ya of being scared of dying alone and the method. It would be so nice to get an Injection from a doctor with people around and just fall asleep. Unfortunately, governments need to control our life and this is not allowed…unless you are wealthy and go to Switzerland for this. I too should have been gone by now, and keep putting it off…even though I cry everyday and am beyond miserable…I have bad depression and my mom died 6 months ago and I'm lost without her and don't want to live, even more then ever… but I want to do it impulsively as I don't think I can just say okay on this day at that time …but yet I HAVE to sort of plan it and not do it at home and leave with all my stuff I need to CTB and not traumatize my brother finding me. God I never thought when I'm ready it would be so damn hard…why did I think this would be easy!?!

 

[Zzzzz]

I'm sorry for your lossWow, I feel horrible for you…I mean why are they in such a hurry…they don't seem compassionate at all. And to top it off you wanna CTB. Not sure if you mentioned but did you want to CTB before your dad passed, or is it because of this? I wish I could help you…but I do understand about not being able to do it because ya of being scared of dying alone and the method. It would be so nice to get an Injection from a doctor with people around and just fall asleep. Unfortunately, governments need to control our life and this is not allowed…unless you are wealthy and go to Switzerland for this. I too should have been gone by now, and keep putting it off…even though I cry everyday and am beyond miserable…I have bad depression and my mom died 6 months ago and I'm lost without her and don't want to live, even more then ever… but I want to do it impulsively as I don't think I can just say okay on this day at that time …but yet I HAVE to sort of plan it and not do it at home and leave with all my stuff I need to CTB and not traumatize my brother finding me. God I never thought when I'm ready it would be so damn hard…why did I think this would be easy!?!

Thanks. I've been suicidal for actually about 13 years. I'm an adult. 30's. Just experiencing all the crappiness of life the physical and emotional pain. Disappointment. Unhappiness. My mother died about 12 years ago. I was very close with both my parents. I wanted to try to make it in the world independently. Well. I did my best but it didn't work out so well as I ended up homeless on and off for several years until I really became permanently homeless, but then I decided to move back in with my dad rather than kill myself. But now he's dead. So no more safety nets for me.

Also. This person I'm living with, has the selfishness to tell me not to kill myself, because of the family. I'm like "bishhh,where was the fucking"family" when I was homeless for 1.5 years?! This person is not evil but this is a contemptible attitude to have. Their needs are always more important than the incredible suffering of someone else.

 

[Mardiha]

Thanks. I've been suicidal for actually about 13 years. I'm an adult. 30's. Just experiencing all the crappiness of life the physical and emotional pain. Disappointment. Unhappiness. My mother died about 12 years ago. I was very close with both my parents. I wanted to try to make it in the world independently. Well. I did my best but it didn't work out so well as I ended up homeless on and off for several years until I really became permanently homeless, but then I decided to move back in with my dad rather than kill myself. But now he's dead. So no more safety nets for me.

Geez i can relate. My dad died 13 years ago. I had bad depression for 22 years. Have been on disability because of it. Thought it would go away so kept trying to have a life…but nope always came back. But due to my brother letting me live with him, I may have been homeless, as I don't get a lot on disability. My parents would have taken me in too, they are great. I lived not to hurt them, plus had their support through all my shitty life…shitty boyfriends, shitty marriage that ended quick..he was a narcissist…but mom helped me through my whole shitty 22 years ..I am in my early 50's and always said when I hit this age I would be gone…well here it is and I'm grieving and in so much pain and wth I still can't seem to get the courage! I mean I am tortured with life so should try it be easy…like I thought!? I'm such a wimp.And it sounds like your dad helped you live…like my mom helped me live…she was with me all day and helped me so much to get through all my hard days…I'm so lost now …my brother is great but works a lot and now I wander the house all alone, crying..as mom lived with us for 13 years.

 

[miserableforever]

So my dad died few months ago and I was going to be homeless but a relative offered I stay with them temporarily until I figure out what to do. This person knows I have not had a job or income for many years and that I do not have the strength to do that. They know I was homeless for a year and a half and they know I have no where to go right now. They said I can stay for the holidays and then I need to move out soon after. They told me not to THINK or WORRY about it for now. They just texted me today, saying they need to talk about long term plans with me. Its not even December yet and they seem like they want to kick me out today. They keep talking about it as if to constantly remind me that I'm getting my ass fucking kicked out soon and I better not forget it. As if they're afraid I'll say" nope, I choose to stay forever," Even though it's not my fucking house and I was INVITED HERE TO STAY AS A GUEST. It's so stressful. It honestly makes me want to pack my bags and never speak to any of these people again in my life. I would have ctb already but SI is preventing me. Maybe I could overcome SI if I didn't have to worry about being resuscitated. Maybe if I wasn't forced to do a painful and terrifying method. Maybe if supportive friends could legally watch me self-administer my euthanasia with the Doctor present, so I wouldn't have to die cold and alone. I really hope I can overcome SI before I become homeless. I don't have the strength to be homeless again. This is too stressful. I'm about to blow up on everyone.

Fuck this SI. I hate it so much. In the same situation as you, well different, but similar.

 

[Mardiha]

Fuck this SI. I hate it so much. In the same situation as you, well different, but similar.

Me too damn SI!! Ugh! I mean I'm so miserable and hopeless why why ….

 

[Zzzzz]

Just to clarify. The only thing I expect from people is that they respect my consent and my body and decision. To die. How dare anyone tell someone they must suffer homelessness just so their pretty little lives won't be inconvenienced in any way. God forbid they have to cancel their weekend plans to arrange a funeral. If that's how they feel. Don't give me a funeral. Throw my body in the ditch for all I care.
I'm really tempted to ask them to drop me off at a hotel or homeless shelter in the next few days.

 

[Zzzzz]

I've been struggling for several years. I have tried recovery 100 times. It didn't work. I'm tired of trying.i KNOW there is no cure for how I feel. I've been thinking about this for some time. I do truly feel that who I'm living with is now only helping me reluctantly and feel they owe me nothing more now. They have done their good deed and patted themselves on the back. Since they keep reminding me of these things, I am going to try to stay in a nearby hotel. A cheap one since I don't have much money left. I don't plan on ctb at the hotel, but I do want to ctb in the next few days because I will have no choice but to go to a homeless shelter after that. I am preparing for this. I might end up staying till after the holidays. But I'm pretty upset and I've walked out in the middle of the night and never looked back probably 10 times in my life. It's a normal thing for me to do at this point. What really breaks my heart is I am back to ground zero. My life always finds a way to knockme down to the very bottom again and again.

 

[Party__3nd5]

If are nothing to make you cling to life, its difficult, and be homeless must be harder, because its not where to back and scream, cry, get angry, I hope u find to a way, and I think there are more days where reason can beat instinct, that's what makes us human.

 

[Mardiha]

I've been struggling for several years. I have tried recovery 100 times. It didn't work. I'm tired of trying.i KNOW there is no cure for how I feel. I've been thinking about this for some time. I do truly feel that who I'm living with is now only helping me reluctantly and feel they owe me nothing more now. They have done their good deed and patted themselves on the back. Since they keep reminding me of these things, I am going to try to stay in a nearby hotel. A cheap one since I don't have much money left. I don't plan on ctb at the hotel, but I do want to ctb in the next few days because I will have no choice but to go to a homeless shelter after that. I am preparing for this. I might end up staying till after the holidays. But I'm pretty upset and I've walked out in the middle of the night and never looked back probably 10 times in my life. It's a normal thing for me to do at this point. What really breaks my heart is I am back to ground zero. My life always finds a way to knockme down to the very bottom again and again.

I'm so sorry…I've tried a hundred things also…and people say oh maybe try this or talk to someone…nope I'm so done..I tried for 22 years! Nothing has helped me either. I wish there was some place good for you to go stay…and being alone isn't good…I'm always worse when I'm alone…though does it matter…I am still so done at this point. It's shitty that you have to CTB quicker due to homelessness …i think like me with my mom…if your dad was around you would be around too…it just is so heartbreaking to me…I mean I'm doing it solely on depression and grieving so bad…and lockdowns don't help me at all. And yup my life too…just when I think life is maybe maybe improving…nope…I'm back down…can't have that…I really believe entities or the devil are at play…I never believed any of that till I researched it…they feed off negativity and I have tons!

 

[Zzzzz]

I'm so sorry…I've tried a hundred things also…and people say oh maybe try this or talk to someone…nope I'm so done..I tried for 22 years! Nothing has helped me either. I wish there was some place good for you to go stay…and being alone isn't good…I'm always worse when I'm alone…though does it matter…I am still so done at this point. It's shitty that you have to CTB quicker due to homelessness …i think like me with my mom…if your dad was around you would be around too…it just is so heartbreaking to me…I mean I'm doing it solely on depression and grieving so bad…and lockdowns don't help me at all. And yup my life too…just when I think life is maybe maybe improving…nope…I'm back down…can't have that…I really believe entities or the devil are at play…I never believed any of that till I researched it…they feed off negativity and I have tons!

I would ctb due to depression and grieving, but my SI is strong. Many failed attempts. Homelessness hopefully will provide the push I need to ctb. I don't have any other choice anyway. Suffering is the only choice I have. Like so many of us here it seems.

 

[Mardiha]

I would ctb due to depression and grieving, but my SI is strong. Many failed attempts. Homelessness hopefully will provide the push I need to ctb. I don't have any other choice anyway. Suffering is the only choice I have. Like so many of us here it seems.

Ya my SI is strong too…and I feel same way suffering is my only other option…this isn't going to get better…my brother found me on my bedroom floor curled up bawling tonight …uncontrollably like I was gonna die from my mental pain…I wish I did. I can't handle this suffering but too damn chicken to just go do it!! God I said to him when I'm gone celebrate for me…as I finally am at peace and not tortured! I'm sick of worrying about when and how and will it work and….I'm obsessed with it and want it done.