princeseadove
wannabe angel
- Mar 4, 2025
- 95
I have been puking. I have already went to the hospital and they just gave me a bunch of medicine to try. Of course, they don't work. And of course, my parents don't want to pay for actual tests. I don't care anymore. I feel so hideous and pathetic. It feels like my body is just made of ouke and maggots. I want them out. i have gained weight, I look like a pregnant person as my mom says over and over. So starve so it's not enough for me or my mom. I'm so pathetic. I cling to the same people over and over, and I was going to up until I realized I don't have that much time anyways. This fall I will be dead. My plan is already underway and I just need the money and I'll be fine. I'm not in any suicide watch and I don't have any friends to check up on me so for sure, this fall. DEAD. It's only 7-8 months left, and I just want it to be done. I am so tired of dealing with this body. All a body is is meat, and my meat is so defective and rotten I just have maggots all over. I want it all out. I want to get rid of my thoughts and memories and pain and looks and everything. I want to be erased and gone, I don't want to deal with this. All everybody expects of me now is to drop dead, cuz… what else am I but sixk? I am so "loud" about it. With my online friends posting ab SH and puking and my plans… and how now I practically avoid everyone in my life. But nobody cares enough to really look. Without love, it cannot be seen. To be seen is to be loved. I have never been loved.
