Hello,
I thought that over the years I would forget it but it seems that it becomes more painful, especially when I am meeting someone new.
When I had just turned 18, I was a more or less normal girl, I carried out my studies and soon after I was able to work, but I had a very bad time. I started binge drinking and buying weed regularly, and the same people who sold it to me one day gave me a taste of coke. I was so fragile then that it made me feel that I needed that shit, but I didn't have a job yet to pay it. One day they offered me sex as payment. I blame it on alcohol and how stupid I was, and I agreed. The memories that come to mind are very violent and make me feel terrible, i cant even write details.
To this day, on the outside I am the typical "regular office girl", normal and corporate. I have tried to fight, study, get a nice job and survive with dignity, but the memories haunt me and it gets worse every day.
I'm meeting a guy I've been dating for two months. It would hurt me a lot to tell him about my past. I told my ex and he stayed with me for years, but the day I told him he was very traumatized and almost left me. I don't want to make the same mistake, sometimes we think we are brave but we are just stupid.
If you have read everything up to here, thank you very much. Please If you come here to call me a whore or a bag-eater, it doesn't make any sense, because I'm already calling myself that enough.
(PD: I haven't tried the cocaine shit since that happened, and just thinking about it brings back memories, I don't think I could even see it. I've only bought joints again a couple of times in these six years, and from other people of course. Alcohol, it's so hard for me to quit. People don't notice that because I have developed a very high tolerance and because I only binge drink at night when I get home and im alone.)
I thought that over the years I would forget it but it seems that it becomes more painful, especially when I am meeting someone new.
When I had just turned 18, I was a more or less normal girl, I carried out my studies and soon after I was able to work, but I had a very bad time. I started binge drinking and buying weed regularly, and the same people who sold it to me one day gave me a taste of coke. I was so fragile then that it made me feel that I needed that shit, but I didn't have a job yet to pay it. One day they offered me sex as payment. I blame it on alcohol and how stupid I was, and I agreed. The memories that come to mind are very violent and make me feel terrible, i cant even write details.
To this day, on the outside I am the typical "regular office girl", normal and corporate. I have tried to fight, study, get a nice job and survive with dignity, but the memories haunt me and it gets worse every day.
I'm meeting a guy I've been dating for two months. It would hurt me a lot to tell him about my past. I told my ex and he stayed with me for years, but the day I told him he was very traumatized and almost left me. I don't want to make the same mistake, sometimes we think we are brave but we are just stupid.
If you have read everything up to here, thank you very much. Please If you come here to call me a whore or a bag-eater, it doesn't make any sense, because I'm already calling myself that enough.
(PD: I haven't tried the cocaine shit since that happened, and just thinking about it brings back memories, I don't think I could even see it. I've only bought joints again a couple of times in these six years, and from other people of course. Alcohol, it's so hard for me to quit. People don't notice that because I have developed a very high tolerance and because I only binge drink at night when I get home and im alone.)
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