Past attempts

[skitliv]

Anyone here with past attempts that feels comfortable sharing?

I tried hanging once, didn't work obviously, that was over a year ago, im going for my second attempt in a couple of months but with a different and supposedly better method.

 

[Smilla]

First at 13 with Tylenol. Had my stomach pumped. More like a cry for help than a real attempt.

Another at 20 with a plastic bag, OTC sedatives, and copious amounts of wine. Pulled bag off after co2 buildup became unbearable.

I'm 38 now, it's time to go. And my method is actually lethal lol.

 

[skitliv]

Another at 20 with a plastic bag OTC sedatives and copious amounts of wine. Pulled bag off after co2 buildup became unbearable.

That must have been terrifying

 

[Smilla]

That must have been terrifying

Yes. Not a good method.

 

[FroggMan]

Hey skitliv, what band is your profile pic from? It's on that tip of my tongue but I can't remember it. Sorry for being off topic.

 

[skitliv]

Hey skitliv, what band is your profile pic from? It's on that tip of my tongue but I can't remember it. Sorry for being off topic.

Pearl Jam - Do the evolution video

 

[BurningLights]

4 half assed attempts.
Od on antidepressants. Went to hospital, had a shit night sleep, zombie walked out there and got the bus home.

Tried hanging with paracord, hurt like fucking hell, managed to swing on to stairs and release myself. (Girlfriend at the time then proceeded to have a family BBQ the next day, that was fun, walking round with a fucking mark round my neck)

Tried to od on benzos and alcohol, blacked out, came to in the hospital 2 days later, refused all help, cos I was still fucked.

Most recent, tried to od on propranolol. Didn't fucking work, tablets kicked in the day, must of got mixed with some old food. Had real bad chest pains for a week afterwards. This was 2 weeks ago now.

 

[AveryConure]

I lost count. The only attempts I honestly think are worth mentioning was attempting to OD on lithium when I was 15 which I found out later had a better chance of giving you brain damage than death (and even then it takes several godawful hours before you croak) and I tried to hang myself a few months ago and was close to passing out and losing feeling in my limbs until a friend of mine interrupted me.

The rest I can barely remember honestly were cry for help OD attempts and I think prepping myself to get hit by an oncoming train then chickening out don't count.

 

[AveryConure]

Just remembered I once tried to get really drunk and get hypothermia in -15 F weather but I ended up walking back home after being out there for a few hours, and I OD'd on some antipsychotic that caused me to pass out and when I woke up I was forced to have an IV in the hospital for a day or two but I don't remember much other than the cops and paramedics being shitty to me lmao.

 

[DF90]

I have 13 attempts all ODs. First attempt was at age 15. Last attempt was February of this year at age 25.

Next time it'll be with SN so I think that one will be successfuln whenever I choose to do it.

 

[Edward]

Oh fuck that's a list. Several attempts with knives around 10, wised up and tried to od on a bunch of prescription meds, tried to go with co with a car in the garage, but it wasn't airtight enough and I just ended up really lightheaded before eventually stumbling back inside, I seriously considered hanging and even got a hold of some rope at one point, but I couldn't go through with it, I'm basically just waiting until I get some stronger meds or a gun at this point.

 

[millefeui]

Sure. Only two attempts, though.

My first attempt was like "stupid teenager 101". I literally drank half a bottle of some random perfume and ate some leaves of toxic vegetation. Absolutely nothing happened. I didn't even get sick, aside from my throat burning a bit. I was really frustrated and did that without thinking.

My second attempt was partial suspension with a belt. It seemed like it would work, but survival instinct kicked in. Next time I try, I am making sure there is no way to survival instinct to get in the way. A proper rope, a better place to tie it and I will even make the floor around me slippery so I can't just get up and ruin everything.

 

[Tiburcio]

This makes me feel like a coward.

I never had the guts to go.

 

[Dead_Inside]

4 half assed attempts.
Od on antidepressants. Went to hospital, had a shit night sleep, zombie walked out there and got the bus home.

Tried hanging with paracord, hurt like fucking hell, managed to swing on to stairs and release myself. (Girlfriend at the time then proceeded to have a family BBQ the next day, that was fun, walking round with a fucking mark round my neck)

Tried to od on benzos and alcohol, blacked out, came to in the hospital 2 days later, refused all help, cos I was still fucked.

Most recent, tried to od on propranolol. Didn't fucking work, tablets kicked in the day, must of got mixed with some old food. Had real bad chest pains for a week afterwards. This was 2 weeks ago now.

Oh propranolol... tried that 3.6 grams (no joke) didn't do shit. Thought it was my most secure way out, but oh well. Didn't even get close. Just woke up hours later sick as shit.

 

[anna]

First at 13 with Tylenol. Had my stomach pumped. More like a cry for help than a real attempt.

Another at 20 with a plastic bag, OTC sedatives, and copious amounts of wine. Pulled bag off after co2 buildup became unbearable.

I'm 38 now, it's time to go. And my method is actually lethal lol.

what is your method? nitrogen?

 

[Smilla]

what is your method? nitrogen?

Nitrogen yes.

 

[BurningLights]

Oh propranolol... tried that 3.6 grams (no joke) didn't do shit. Thought it was my most secure way out, but oh well. Didn't even get close. Just woke up hours later sick as shit.

That's what I thought as well, went to bed fully expecting not to wake up, just happy that soon I would not be here. Alas, still here to suffer another day. Goddamn it.

 

[Karenbaker]

are past attempts more just a cry for help ?

 

[Smilla]

are past attempts more just a cry for help ?

My first was. Subsequent, no. No one knew. So I wasn't crying out for help.

 

[BurningLights]

are past attempts more just a cry for help ?

My first was, second was cowardice and more spur of the moment, the last 2 I fully wanted and expected to not wake up. But I just fucked em up.

 

[BurningLights]

No one knew

Yeah this, first time I let people know, the last 2 no one knew, just left my door unlocked to make it easier for whoever decided to look for me.

 

[millefeui]

are past attempts more just a cry for help ?

A past attempt is a failed attempt. Whether it is or isn't something more than that depends on the person who attempted it.

 

[Rex]

3 failed attempts. Two were from an OD, technically the third was OD too and should have killed me but I was stumbling about in the night around christmas time (2013) and a car hit me and sent me flying into a wall so i got "rescued" by paramedics. I didn't even know there was a road there, never mind traffic at that time.

The first two attempts were not planned, the 3rd one was. I have now planned my 4th attempt, months and months in the making and this one will not fail.

 

[anna]

3 failed attempts. Two were from an OD, technically the third was OD too and should have killed me but I was stumbling about in the night around christmas time (2013) and a car hit me and sent me flying into a wall so i got "rescued" by paramedics. I didn't even know there was a road there, never mind traffic at that time.

The first two attempts were not planned, the 3rd one was. I have now planned my 4th attempt, months and months in the making and this one will not fail.

What is your method? (if you do not mind sharing it)

 

[weedoge]

One thing I'm curious about because I've spent a lot of time analysing myself and my behaviour, decisions etc etc. Do you guys consider which of your attempts were fully thought out and 100% intended to work compared to which were more of a "cry for help" so to speak? Let me clarify I'm not trying to be disrespectful. I know all except 2 of my attempts were likely a cry for help although the 3rd to last one made sense in my head and was intended to be done impulsively and succeed but by the time I reached my destination I definitely called for help because I had no idea what the heck I was doing.

First time was just a handful of paracetamol aka acetaminophen, 11 pills did nothing at all although it was the first sign that my family would never massively intervene to help. I told my friend what I had done and my mother came to wake me up and shouted at me but didn't take me to the doc or anything.

Everything after that is a bit of a blur until I hit age 17 when I planned to jump from the bridge near me, I searched the mortality rates 98% pretty much, went there in the middle of the night and stayed there until morning because I had no idea how to actually get on the bridge footpath and accidentally ended up walking underneath the bridge and around some lakes. Got picked up by the cops 2 days in a row because I'd told my bf. This is the one I believed in my mind I could commit impulsively, the railings are only just over waist height so I imagined it's the one where I can just casually walk halfway across and throw myself over without thinking. Didn't get on the bridge at all in the end.

Didn't make another serious attempt for about 3 years after that because instead engulfed myself in drugs, alcohol and crazy experiences in general. Then over the past 2 years I attempted CO poisoning twice and that's when I feel I truly accepted it as an end. First attempt never actually went ahead, I was a part of a similar community to this one but one of the people there turned out he was there to be a do-gooder, called me on skype as I was about to attempt. Had my tent and bbq set up in the local park but he was talking to me on skype and essentially talked me down. Funny enough we don't talk at all anymore, it's very easy for do-gooders to talk for 5 minutes then disappear. Ended up burning the tent down with my flatmate who helped me. also agreed to help me try and commit suicide again later but I ended up homeless and came home.

My latest attempt is the only one where I went through with the act I believed would end my life. CO poisoning again this time in my shed, burned the charcoal until smouldering, left it in the shed for 30 mins before going in, got in the shed and laid on the floor with some music and just stayed there for about half hour before leaving because I realised I wasn't passing out or getting sleepy and people would be home soon. The mental feeling I had while laying there was just peace and emptiness, no strong emotions at all. Pretty much when I realised I just want to die using a method where it's just like going to sleep.

 

[Rex]

What is your method? (if you do not mind sharing it)

Two bottles of N plus i'll take all my usual benzos too on top, and some whisky for courage. be it fake courage or not.

 

[Smilla]

Two bottles of N plus i'll take all my usual benzos too on top, and some whisky for courage. be it fake courage or not.

Rex, aren't you concerned about benzos and their effect on your gaba receptors which are compromised if you have been a heavy benzo user?

I wanted to use N but was discouraged to learn that alcoholics or habitual benzo users should not use this method.

 

[Rex]

Rex, aren't you concerned about benzos and their effect on your gaba receptors which are compromised if you have been a heavy benzo user?

I wanted to use N but was discouraged to learn that alcoholics or habitual benzo users should not use this method.

I spoke to A about it, was told it can affect it but A stated with 2 bottles I am covered.

EDIT: Here is a thread I created when i was concerned about my benzo tolerance and N: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/benzo-tolerance-and-n.820

 

[weedoge]

Rex, aren't you concerned about benzos and their effect on your gaba receptors which are compromised if you have been a heavy benzo user?

I wanted to use N but was discouraged to learn that alcoholics or habitual benzo users should not use this method.

Would amitriptyline method work? Pretty sure it's not a controlled drug at least here in the UK and you can import 3 months supply worth.

 

[BurningLights]

The mental feeling I had while laying there was just peace and emptiness, no strong emotions at all. Pretty much when I realised I just want to die using a method where it's just like going to sleep.

Can totally relate, the first three were fueled by emotions, then the last one, I just left there, calm, 'knowing' that I wouldn't be here much longer. I want that calmness back, now I'm angry again, and fueled by emotions, and to be honest, I don't want it to be that way. I just wanna lay down, and never get back up again.