part of my problem with recovery

[Life_and_Death]

(there might be a better wording for it but this is what my brain came up with)
the stigma suicidal people seem to put behind recovery.

idk if i got it from somewhere or if its something my brain manifested from the negativity depressed people display but reading recovery stories its got like this vibe of "oh its fake" "it wasnt that bad" ect. its like, if youre "seriously" depressed then you HAVE to die or else you werent depressed.

(seriously used in both senses, that youre serious, its real and serious as in how bad it is)

just fucking why? recovery isnt about undermining 'your' problems but if i get better then thats "What im doing". its just so stupid.

 

[Beachedwhale]

Maybe my brain isn't working today but could you rephrase that? I have no idea what you are saying.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Maybe my brain isn't working today but could you rephrase that? I have no idea what you are saying.

i feel that if i 'get better' then that means my problems are fake/arent that bad.
did that help? if not can you try asking more specifically.

 

[signifying nothing]

I think I know what you mean. Like if you recover then it would be like being asked to admit that everything that happened to you and how you felt wasn't as important or as bad as it seemed at the time. In some ways it might feel like you'd be denying the significance of large parts of your life, large parts of who you are as a person even.

I think this is why it doesn't work just to try shutting things out of your life and ignoring them (ie your problems, your past) as a way to try and recover. But instead you have to work through and properly process what you went through, so that the person you become integrates those experiences and is informed by them in a way that makes you able to live better going forward.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I think I know what you mean. Like if you recover then it would be like being asked to admit that everything that happened to you and how you felt wasn't as important or as bad as it seemed at the time. In some ways it might feel like you'd be denying the significance of large parts of your life, large parts of who you are as a person even.

I think this is why it doesn't work just to try shutting things out of your life and ignoring them (ie your problems, your past) as a way to try and recover. But instead you have to work through and properly process what you went through, so that the person you become integrates those experiences and is informed by them in a way that makes you able to live better going forward.

exactly that only i know all of it, its just a mental block. like i can see the other side but i have to knock down a wall. and by knocking down the wall im getting past the mental block. basically saying "its ok to get better, it doesnt make your story any less". im just not past that wall lol