Paranoid freak

[PlasticFace]

Got myself into some trouble last week. I don't know what came over me and why I was acting so paranoid but I feel like a freak. Seeing and hearing shit like wtf?? I've hallucinated before but this is surreal and it's getting harder to tell what's real and what's not. I don't even know if I should post this but idk I'm just worried. I feel like I'm back at square one again and this time, I don't know how to control myself. I'm not ready to CTB yet but I don't want to get drawn back even further. I don't know what's going on!! I smoked some weed and that only made it worse so now I'm literally left with no other options. I really reeeeaally don't want to be hospitalized. I'd rather just CTB now than wait for some doctors to tell me the same shit they always do. Anytime they see me, they act like I don't know what I'm talking about. I've been so anxious and picking through my skin and locking myself in rooms and I can't do that anymore, it's not helping. I've tried sleeping, water, food, breathing, and even just crying. I feel so helpless like never before. What do I do?? I'm so desperate for this to go away that I will literally try anything.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrific what you have to go through, it's so awful how existing can easily get much more unbearable. It must be so tiring what you have to endure but I hope that you eventually find the relief that you wish for.