Venting paradox of life

[kindawannacrylol]

i have so much beef with life

it's such a conflicting existence

i love so many things about it
i love poetry
and art
and things that make me feel deeply and with my whole heart
i live nature
i love feeling loved
i love music
i love feeling free
i love good food
i love feeling pretty

but there are so many things that make this existence so sickening and unbearing

there's so much evil
people are so evil
and their evil is caused by other evil people
and it's an infinite regress of sadness and depression and anger fuelled by other people
everyone is hurting
there's so much sadness that we hurt others
who then hurt others
and it's a perpetual and sickening cycle
there's so much darkness on this earth
i hate the fact that destiny exists
that some people are destined for greatness
some people are destined for doom
i hate the fact that there's such a lack of choice in so many things it's so sick
i had the fact that we become unwell
without wanting to
and so randomly
that cells attack peoples bodies and kill them
people can lose their minds
debilitating illnesses like alzheimer's and dementia destroy people
the fact that good emotions like love are inevitably accompanied by sadness and heartbreak
the fact that there is so much pain
pain creates beauty but pain is so destructive
i hate the randomness of life
it makes things seem less delicate less intentional and less purposeful
like we're all disposable
like this means nothing
and i want to believe it means something
because if it doesn't then what's the point
the suffering must have a purpose behind it
because if not what's the point of suffering at all
but i can't find a reason
i can't find a reason to justify the sick amounts of suffering other humans go through for no cause
everything hurts everything is so sickening
everything is just disappointing and sad
so random and predictable
such a sick and twisted paradox

 

[figure8]

I think the most beautiful art is created by those who were disturbed. Life might be full of paradoxes, but two sides of the spectrum can co-exist just fine. There's no good without evil, and there's no evil without good. The thing about life is that the evil outweighs the good, though. It's a lost battle from the very beginning. And who exactly are we fighting against? Each other? God? The universe? Ourselves?
What upsets me most is that I didn't ask to be here. And here I am.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence repulses me personally, and I could never see having the ability to suffer so extremely as being something desirable, the way that I see it existence is just endless suffering and senseless cruelty all with no deeper purpose behind it, to me existence itself is just a horrific, tragic and unnecessary mistake.