Panic Attack (thought I lost my Nembutal / thought it was confiscated)

[Toxic Positivity]

The day of my suicide attempt is coming up real soon and I looked for my bottle of Nembutal to reassure me I had what I needed on that day. I had recently pried off the metal aluminum cap that covers the rubber stopper, to make it easier to drink the bottle. Except it wasn't at my desk anymore. My mind raced. I looked through my medicine drawer, moving so quickly I cut my finger, not sure on what. I'm bleeding all over my vitamins and fish oil and can't find my Nembutal.

In absolute panic, I concluded my friend must have told my housemate, because a few weeks ago, in another panic, I told my friend that I have N. I kinda regret that. So I sneaked into my housemate's room (BAD, DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR HOUSEMATES) thinking it was there. I bled on something and cleaned it up with my shirt and it looked ok. I realized what I was doing was insane--going into another person's room (they weren't home) to look for something out of sheer paranoia--and went back to my room and tried to calm down.

I found the Nembutal in a drawer with clothes. I felt so relieved. I noticed I had bled on many things in my room so I bandaged myself up. The moral of this story is: don't forget where you hid your N and don't go barging into someone else's room (I have a lot of remorse for this, I'm sorry). End rant.

 

[StrangePossum]

Hope you are feeling okay now I would be pretty panicked too in that situation!

 

[thereisthemist]

huggies

 

[novem]

this story is both sad and funny at the same time

 

[SleepyBB]

Glad you were able to find it lol
Totally unrelated but can someone tell me what it means when someones username is crossed out?

 

[Toxic Positivity]

Glad you were able to find it lol
Totally unrelated but can someone tell me what it means when someones username is crossed out?

It means someone has been banned. In many cases users request to be banned, and sometimes people are banned for breaking the rules. In rare cases someone will be banned after posting a goodbye thread and not being active on the site.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

In rare cases someone will be banned after posting a goodbye thread and not being active on the site.

I thought one automatically gets a line through their name after a presumed ctb after a certain amount of time has passed?

 

[Toxic Positivity]

I thought one automatically gets a line through their name after a presumed ctb after a certain amount of time has passed?

Yes, I mean to say that this is a rare reason someone's name is crossed out, not that it is rare to be banned after posting a goodbye thread.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really stressful what you went through. I can imagine that it must be a relief having the option of N. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Lost Magic]

I'm surprised that anybody would stash something so coveted, expensive and hard to get someplace that they couldn't remember. So glad you found it though. I'd feel horrible if anything happened to my N too. SN is good but N is the gold standard, for sure.

 

[24601]

U wot playa?.......