Pain from SN without painkillers?

[Lorntroubles]

I read about people going without AE but haven't read about anyone skipping painkillers. Pain is a personal experience but I want to know what it will be like without painkillers? I'm exploring methods for ctb and feel I deserve to hurt a good amount. I had witnessed death and had I been more proactive, they would have been alive. It was a horrid death and I have been told it's not my fault but doesn't stop me from thinking I could have done something to prevent it.

 

[Blutsager]

My friend, my god... no. No, you are not ready to leave. What you have is not a scar infringed upon you by an unfair destiny, that may never cure and whose pain becomes unbearable... this is a wound that shall heal, should you let it. Should you stop re-opening it, thirsting for the pain of your skin ripping, taking it as a deserving punishment for your mistakes, pouring your blood and tears.
Life has been unfair with you, my friend. Don't be so yourself. You deserve better, you more than many others, for what you have suffered. My friend, we are mere mortals, powerless to forces beyond our comprehension as death. You cannot stop the Angel of coming for us. You cannot deafen your ears nor that of others from hearing his voice citing your name. You may shelter those around you, but no hide may keep you away from it's touch, should his hand seek to land upon your shoulder.
You have no power to stop Death from doing it's task... and it's not your responsibility to do so. What has happened, so has it been. Others have told you this already, this is not your fault. We are mere mortals, destined to such inevitable end, and you can't change that.
I understand... it is horrible to accept what we truly are, powerless to the will of the Angel. Indeed, we may take many actions to keep his attention away from us, precautions and self-care, but in the end we are powerless to stop him from doing what he must, and this applies both to you and all that are around you. If it is terrifying to accept you have no control over this reality... I understand. It is a terrifying realization. But instead you put this responsibility over your shoulders, as if you could stop death. You couldn't. Neither then, nor now. Perhaps you may have to accept this terrifying fact, but in doing so I hope you may release yourself from such undeserved responsibility. From such undeserved blame.

My friend,
It's not your fault. You couldn't have done anything to prevent it.

 

[reapandsow918]

From what I've read on here it's mainly stomach cramps, throat burning feeling and a headache.

 

[Lorntroubles]

My friend, my god... no. No, you are not ready to leave. What you have is not a scar infringed upon you by an unfair destiny, that may never cure and whose pain becomes unbearable... this is a wound that shall heal, should you let it. Should you stop re-opening it, thirsting for the pain of your skin ripping, taking it as a deserving punishment for your mistakes, pouring your blood and tears.
Life has been unfair with you, my friend. Don't be so yourself. You deserve better, you more than many others, for what you have suffered. My friend, we are mere mortals, powerless to forces beyond our comprehension as death. You cannot stop the Angel of coming for us. You cannot deafen your ears nor that of others from hearing his voice citing your name. You may shelter those around you, but no hide may keep you away from it's touch, should his hand seek to land upon your shoulder.
You have no power to stop Death from doing it's task... and it's not your responsibility to do so. What has happened, so has it been. Others have told you this already, this is not your fault. We are mere mortals, destined to such inevitable end, and you can't change that.
I understand... it is horrible to accept what we truly are, powerless to the will of the Angel. Indeed, we may take many actions to keep his attention away from us, precautions and self-care, but in the end we are powerless to stop him from doing what he must, and this applies both to you and all that are around you. If it is terrifying to accept you have no control over this reality... I understand. It is a terrifying realization. But instead you put this responsibility over your shoulders, as if you could stop death. You couldn't. Neither then, nor now. Perhaps you may have to accept this terrifying fact, but in doing so I hope you may release yourself from such undeserved responsibility. From such undeserved blame.

My friend,
It's not your fault. You couldn't have done anything to prevent it.

You write like a poet so I understood most but not all of what you are saying. It is cruel to myself and not a peaceful transition to whateverness, that I can admit. I can admit I'm not giving myself the much needed respect in my final moments.... Some beautiful soul lost their life because I was young and trusting of circumstances. Unfortunately, I cannot heal from this, it's been years and more tragedies keep affecting me. I am definitely not ready as of this moment though I wish to disappear into thin air all the time. I will be ready to enact on my ctb eventually and perhaps I will free myself somehow and give myself a decent passing. Right now, the emotional pain is nagging at me and I tell myself some pain is fine. I'll sleep when I'm dead!

@reapandsow918 I am aware of the stomach cramps, curious how excruciating it is...when pain is too excruciating, you may throw up extra.....

 

[autumnal]

I read about people going without AE but haven't read about anyone skipping painkillers. Pain is a personal experience but I want to know what it will be like without painkillers? I'm exploring methods for ctb and feel I deserve to hurt a good amount. I had witnessed death and had I been more proactive, they would have been alive. It was a horrid death and I have been told it's not my fault but doesn't stop me from thinking I could have done something to prevent it.

Even if you feel like you deserve pain for some reason (which is a view I don't share, nor would most people here), making the process more painful for yourself creates greater risk of failure, either through survival instinct kicking in due to the pain, the pain keeping you conscious for longer and thus discoverable for longer, or others becoming aware of your attempt due to your sounds of pain.

 

[Blutsager]

You write like a poet so I understood most but not all of what you are saying. It is cruel to myself and not a peaceful transition to whateverness, that I can admit. I can admit I'm not giving myself the much needed respect in my final moments.... Some beautiful soul lost their life because I was young and trusting of circumstances. Unfortunately, I cannot heal from this, it's been years and more tragedies keep affecting me. I am definitely not ready as of this moment though I wish to disappear into thin air all the time. I will be ready to enact on my ctb eventually and perhaps I will free myself somehow and give myself a decent passing. Right now, the emotional pain is nagging at me and I tell myself some pain is fine. I'll sleep when I'm dead!

@reapandsow918 I am aware of the stomach cramps, curious how excruciating it is...when pain is too excruciating, you may throw up extra.....

I am sorry, I get carried away.

But, my friend, I just refuse to let you enact a punishment upon yourself for this! you do not deserve it! this is unfair to you, even you admit it! "I can admit I'm not giving myself the much needed respect in my final moments". But no, this goes much further than that. You are not giving yourself the much respect you deserve now, be it your final moments, or just a moment that lies with a long life ahead of you. You need to let go... but not of your life, but of your guilt, so undeserved. My friend, what is that you are pursuiting? justice? do you think this torture to you is justice?. then for it, be fair. Be fair with yourself. Your unjust punishment against yourself.

You deserve better

 

[Lorntroubles]

@autumnal I am pretty silent when it comes to physical pain but shit, this is the body dying and it's something that's never been felt before so you have a point. Who's to say exactly the noises/screaming that will be made when you are dying? In regards to devices, I will discard those so that's no worry to me. I have thought about all this, but alerting people due to my noises is something I don't want. I can alleviate some of that with painkillers, I suppose.

 

[Lorntroubles]

I'm not considering F, I don't believe in mixing methods. Painkillers as in paracetamol, acetaminophen, ibuprofen. If you want to ask about F and dark web usage, do so on another thread. I am specifically asking about SN. @peacefullpainless

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

But, my friend, I just refuse to let you enact a punishment upon yourself for this!

Pro-choice. It's his body and his ctb. He's not involving others like suicide by cop or train or traffic.

 

[Ange_Fatigue]

With Sn it might be better to speak about discomfort than pain. Major annoying symptoms come, just m'y opinion, from dizzizness and huge amount of nitrous oxyde release in the body.
Like huffing way too much poppers, I figure myself something like that. Eventough I ll use morphine sulfate in the mix for the day, I ll use it to releive anxiety only.

 

[Blutsager]

Pro-choice. It's his body and his ctb. He's not involving others like suicide by cop or train or traffic.

This page is about support people to ease their pain. We are all here, for we have learnt and acknowledge that there are pains in this world that only death may ease. And pains that make your existence, perhaps living in a biological definition of the world, but most certainly not life. With no real life left to be lived, and only pain left to be endured, death becomes the logical way to go, beyond all artificial morality or instincts of self-preservation, there is no point in preserving an existence that is pure suffering... so let it go, and die.
This is what we are here for. This is why we are not pro-death. We support people to ease their pain. Should we see hopes of other ways to release people of their suffering, be insist to them on such, many times people have even opposed someone talking about CBT as they hear their story and see that there is still hope, and thus they may still live their lives. Live them without pain. Only when we see there is no hope left, a scar far too deep to heal, a pain far too great to endure, we support them on their choice... we let them go.

This is a man who is dragging on his own pain. He has hope of easing such pain, in ways others than to end it all. This is what we are here for, To make the pain stop. And he can make it stop, there is still hope for his life, for him to live it.

Should he post a thread saying his farewells, stating he is ending it all that same day... I will come to support him, give him my regards and wish him a farewell. The decision taken, and I shall forever stand on my position of supporting his choice, being pro-choice, to the bitter end. But now, that I see he is still far from the end, his decision not yet taken, his plans not yet complete, his hand not yet in motion, I desperately try to stop him... for even in his death he wants to inflict more pain on himself. He isn't letting go of the pain, and if he doesn't let go... even death won't release him of that pain. We will fail him on our purpose. Death will fail to him on what we deem to be it's purpose... the last redeemer, the final release of pain, the end of all suffering.

 

[Lorntroubles]

I don't see hope. Idk how you came to that conclusion. @Blutsager I don't mention the other problems in my life, does not mean they are not present. I'm deadset on ctb. Only thing I'm not doing is going impulsively. I'm taking my time doesn't mean I want to stay. Only means I will put up with the torment until my plan is perfected.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@Blutsager, I was responding to your choice of words, what you will "let" (allow) someone do. It is not within anyone's power here to let another member do anything.

You used a lot of inclusive language in your comment responding to mine -- what "we" do, what "we" have learned, etc. While such language may seem to reinforce your personal perspective and give it authority, I only read it as you saying "I."

I am not included in your use of "we." I have learned many things, and you cannot possibly know what I have learned nor how I apply it, only perhaps Intuit it should, you choose to pay attention to and attempt to analyze what I write. I am autonomous, and I support others' autonomy. I may try to convince them of a different perspective, but I acknowledge their right to ultimately do as they choose to their own body. I support his choice. This fits perfectly well within the forum that "we" -- you, I, and the OP -- all participate in. The forum you refer to when you say "we" does not exist for me.

 

[Lorntroubles]

I get it, users don't want me to go a route that gives my body such bodily pain. However, coming at me with such a "there is hope, your life is fixable" borderline pro-life stance automatically when I only inserted ONE detail of my downwards spiral pisses me the hell off!

You don't know what has happened to get to this point, you haven't considered the trials and errors, how I'm surviving day to day or if I'm disabled or not. You automatically jump to what's easy with the "there is hope" and that "Lorntroubles said they had hope" stance. I did not.

Lesson: there are some of those whose been through lots of stuff beyond their years and wise enough to know their life needs ending. You didn't give me any support except telling me I could live on when you clearly haven't a clue about my life. I'm telling you, my story is shocking and will tighten anyone's butt cheeks right up so to speak.

The only person who has given me a clue to how SN will feel in the body without painkillers is Reap. I don't need any other BS on this thread.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

If you haven't already, use the site search for SN successes and failures, there are three threads that gathered SS anecdotal accounts. One of the threads has the accounts put into google documents with grids, so you can see who took anything for pain and what symptoms they reported.

 

[Lorntroubles]

If you haven't already, use the site search for SN successes and failures, there are three threads that gathered SS anecdotal accounts. One of the threads has the accounts put into google documents with grids, so you can see who took anything for pain and what symptoms they reported.

From what I recall, don't think anyone went without the painkillers because, it is peculiar to want to go through pain, lol.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

From what I recall, don't think anyone went without the painkillers because, it is peculiar to want to go through pain, lol.

I think there were many people here who didn't take painkillers, they won't help with strong pain anyway.