Overwhelmingly anxious

[fox_wannabe]

Anybody else is anxious about job/finances in future, or anxious in general?
I am in college but I have no idea what will I do in a future. I have problem with mental health and it makes really hard for me to work or study, because I am anxious I will fail. Sometimes fear of places I cannot leave kicks in the work because the long shifts, and it happened multiple times. I also do not fit male environments because I am pretty fragile sometimes and cannot tell apart jokes from real threats.

 

[kurisutinabestgirl]

Yep absolutely. The future coming closer and closer, basically time going by, is a huge source of anxiety. If you are planning/contemplating ctb, time basically stops in your perception, but it doesn't actually stop, it flies by and hurries you to do something, either ctb or suffer.

I am sorry that you're going through this :(!

 

[fox_wannabe]

Yep absolutely. The future coming closer and closer, basically time going by, is a huge source of anxiety. If you are planning/contemplating ctb, time basically stops in your perception, but it doesn't actually stop, it flies by and hurries you to do something, either ctb or suffer.

I am sorry that you're going through this :(!

Yeah it makes ctb very calming because I do not need to worry about future for a second, same with games. But It does not really works If you do not ctb. I am so lost in my life, partially because of pandemic.

 

[LonelyBrazilian]

Yes, and I get anxious when I start comparing myself to other people my age. It seems like everyone is in college, hanging out with friends, dating or having affairs, working, planning their futures, etc., while I'm in my room all day.

 

[Pluto]

Plenty of anxiety here, too. It's hard to distinguish legitimate concerns about the future from the turbulent nature of my mind.

One thing to watch for: thoughts of CTB may be calming, but if it stops you from taking action regarding practical matters, it can make a real mess over the longer term. I would try to think of it as a plan B and see if there is any constructive support available for your mental health first.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am stressed all of the time, for me just being alive is stressful. There is so much dread for the future, things will get worse for me and that is a fact. I know at that point I will finally ctb and end all the suffering.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Plenty of anxiety here, too. It's hard to distinguish legitimate concerns about the future from the turbulent nature of my mind.

One thing to watch for: thoughts of CTB may be calming, but if it stops you from taking action regarding practical matters, it can make a real mess over the longer term. I would try to think of it as a plan B and see if there is any constructive support available for your mental health first.

Yeah but I do not see to have reliable plan A. Everything is hard, waking up, doing stuff, thinking about doing stuff. Future seams really unsure. I am going to psychiatrists maybe it will help somehow

 

[Kennish]

Yes totally. Lots of anxiety. I have fucked up my life pretty good now. A real mess.
But it was fucked up from the beginning

 

[fox_wannabe]

Yes totally. Lots of anxiety. I have fucked up my life pretty good now. A real mess.
But it was fucked up from the beginning

Are you sure oyu cannot unfuck your life? I will try to get paper saying I was absent from psychological issues so maybe there won't be any problems with college.

 

[miserableforever]

Plenty of anxiety here, too. It's hard to distinguish legitimate concerns about the future from the turbulent nature of my mind.

One thing to watch for: thoughts of CTB may be calming, but if it stops you from taking action regarding practical matters, it can make a real mess over the longer term. I would try to think of it as a plan B and see if there is any constructive support available for your mental health first.

Would you mind sharing what constructive support is for you? I feel like talking to my bf who knows about my situation only makes his life harder. He loves me and he listens, but I feel like a burden ranting more than I should.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I totally relate. I have managed to finished college now after long long years, but I have no perspective of what to do in the future and I kinda graduated in something that I don't like that much anymore.

Ctb is more appealing for me because I'm old, behind, a failure and I now witnessed things that will follow me on my mind forever.
But I still give it a try. Mostly because of my family.

I relate to being afraid of male environments, because men, loves to bash weaker ones to prove their strength to females. Physically or verbally. And I'm fucking short and don't have time for stupid arguments so I'm a very easy target.

It's just how life works. Depending on your degree you could land on a home office job and have less to deal with other people, but the future is always uncertain.

I'm sorry, Fox. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I totally relate. I have managed to finished college now after long long years, but I have no perspective of what to do in the future and I kinda graduated in something that I don't like that much anymore.

Ctb is more appealing for me because I'm old, behind, a failure and I now witnessed things that will follow me on my mind forever.
But I still give it a try. Mostly because of my family.

I relate to being afraid of male environments, because men, loves to bash weaker ones to prove their strength to females. Physically or verbally. And I'm fucking short and don't have time for stupid arguments so I'm a very easy target.

It's just how life works. Depending on your degree you could land on a home office job and have less to deal with other people, but the future is always uncertain.

I'm sorry, Fox. I hope everything works out for you.

Thanks buddy <3 I hope It works for you too somehow.

I do not know what future brings but It is sure I will end up in the same place as you all which makes me weirdly happy and a bit nostalgic at the same time.
We all will be cold and at peace.

 

[Pluto]

Would you mind sharing what constructive support is for you? I feel like talking to my bf who knows about my situation only makes his life harder. He loves me and he listens, but I feel like a burden ranting more than I should.

Glad you have an understanding partner. I know what you mean about not wanting to burden others. I have found this website strangely therapeutic. Or time with friends if possible. Some people have found psychotherapy a life-saver, others have nothing nice to say about it. I'm always here for you or anyone else if you want to rant :) as are many others.

 

[Kennish]

Are you sure oyu cannot unfuck your life? I will try to get paper saying I was absent from psychological issues so maybe there won't be any problems with college.

I don't feel comfortable in my body. I don't feel comfortable in clothes. I have 2 kids I have to pay child support to. I currently live with my aunt because I have no place to live. I have no job. I'm on welfare from the government. You know, it's very difficult to live a life when you don't feel comfortable in your own body you know?

I have so much difficulties buying clothes. And I have depression because of these things. And I have thoughts about other people Vs me. How they are better and bigger and have it better then me. And they can be in their body all the time.

I have constant thoughts in my head all the time. I am at the end I think. I cannot live like this for many years forward

 

[fox_wannabe]

I don't feel comfortable in my body. I don't feel comfortable in clothes. I have 2 kids I have to pay child support to. I currently live with my aunt because I have no place to live. I have no job. I'm on welfare from the government. You know, it's very difficult to live a life when you don't feel comfortable in your own body you know?

I have so much difficulties buying clothes. And I have depression because of these things. And I have thoughts about other people Vs me. How they are better and bigger and have it better then me. And they can be in their body all the time.

I have constant thoughts in my head all the time. I am at the end I think. I cannot live like this for many years forward

I am sorry to hear that, You decide about your life at the end of a day, and I do not judge you for your choice. Sorry to hear that this is what your life looks like.

 

[ShatteredReality]

If you are planning/contemplating ctb, time basically stops in your perception, but it doesn't actually stop, it flies by and hurries you to do something, either ctb or suffer.

Incredibly accurate. Especially for the farce of an existence I've been having these past few months.

Yeah it makes ctb very calming because I do not need to worry about future for a second, same with games. But It does not really works If you do not ctb.

It goes quite the opposite direction of calming if you end up unable to do it. So much fun being insane.

 

[fox_wannabe]

It goes quite the opposite direction of calming if you end up unable to do it. So much fun being insane.

Yeah, maybe after failed attempt. It is quite sad. But beforehand It can bring illusion of peace.

 

[Darkover]

I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. i must get out of here i must get free.
the future is uncertain and random whats there not to fear

 

[Blue_mist]

Fear of the future and loneliness are the reasons why i want ctb. I feel I'm not capable to take care of myself. I'm getting old and can't keep a job became of my mental illness. And my house is very quiet and lifeless like I'm living in a cemetery. Same fucked up routine nothing is changing. I'm naive enough wake up every day hoping I'll find someone to be with. It's my only hope that keeps me living. And it's a false hope