Overwhelming Urge to CTB

[StarryStarry]

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming urge to ctb. To end all the shit in my life. I feel as if I am on a roller coaster of emotions. If it weren't for Sweet Pea I wouldn't be here. I just want to close my eyes and die. No more stress, no more worrying about a job, no more tears - only silent peace. What I've been wanting for so long. Then there's this other side when I look at her little eyes and she looks back - I know she needs me. We only have each other. I honestly feel as if I am losing my mind. I am so torn. I keep talking to myself telling me that it will be okay. A new start. A fresh start. New sights, new sounds. Then the darkness arrives. Nothing in my life has changed really. I'm the same. I carry the same baggage. Money - it's so much about the money. If I move I won't have enough to have my cremation. What will they do with me? My head hurts so bad.

I'm so sorry I know I dump a lot of shit on this site. This is the only place I feel accepted - please forgive me.

 

[S like Siren]

Oh...i feel you so much and i would like to send you a big warm hug<3<3<3

 

[ColorlessTrees]

Never apologize for posting here; that's what we're here for.

I know that feeling. I've been feeling it all week. I hesitate to say it will pass, but perhaps it will lessen temporarily when you get settled. Sometimes change is helpful, but it is also daunting, especially if it will leave you in an unfavorable financial situation. I think it's still a step in the right direction that you're trying to keep a positive attitude. You may not make enough money from the work, but it's still better than having nothing, right? For the time being, I hope you'll be all right. I'm always here if you need someone.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know that it can be hard to carry on when you are suffering. I can imagine it must be so exhausting being under all that stress. I also want peace more than anything, I just want to peacefully pass away and be free from this life. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[StarryStarry]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I know that it can be hard to carry on when you are suffering. I can imagine it must be so exhausting being under all that stress. I also want peace more than anything, I just want to peacefully pass away and be free from this life. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

I just ran out for an errand. I seriously considered unhooking my seat belt, mashing the gas and hitting the biggest tree I could. I don't know what stopped me. I wish i were braver. How much pain will it take for me to ctb?

Never apologize for posting here; that's what we're here for.

I know that feeling. I've been feeling it all week. I hesitate to say it will pass, but perhaps it will lessen temporarily when you get settled. Sometimes change is helpful, but it is also daunting, especially if it will leave you in an unfavorable financial situation. I think it's still a step in the right direction that you're trying to keep a positive attitude. You may not make enough money from the work, but it's still better than having nothing, right? For the time being, I hope you'll be all right. I'm always here if you need someone.

Thank you so much. My confidence level is below zero. I feel beat up and useless. So overwhelmed ...

Never apologize for posting here; that's what we're here for.

I know that feeling. I've been feeling it all week. I hesitate to say it will pass, but perhaps it will lessen temporarily when you get settled. Sometimes change is helpful, but it is also daunting, especially if it will leave you in an unfavorable financial situation. I think it's still a step in the right direction that you're trying to keep a positive attitude. You may not make enough money from the work, but it's still better than having nothing, right? For the time being, I hope you'll be all right. I'm always here if you need someone.

Thank you so much. My confidence level is below zero. I feel beat up and useless. So overwhelmed ...

 

[anxious_depressive]

I understand you.

Life is terrible, but our pets are completely dependent on us.

No matter how bad we feel mentally, we can't leave them.
I know this feeling very well.

Moving, a new job is always stressful.
But maybe it's worth a try?

Please don't doubt yourself.
Everything will be fine.

I'm sending you and your cat a lot of hugs.

 

[Rabhen]

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming urge to ctb. To end all the shit in my life. I feel as if I am on a roller coaster of emotions. If it weren't for Sweet Pea I wouldn't be here. I just want to close my eyes and die. No more stress, no more worrying about a job, no more tears - only silent peace. What I've been wanting for so long. Then there's this other side when I look at her little eyes and she looks back - I know she needs me. We only have each other. I honestly feel as if I am losing my mind. I am so torn. I keep talking to myself telling me that it will be okay. A new start. A fresh start. New sights, new sounds. Then the darkness arrives. Nothing in my life has changed really. I'm the same. I carry the same baggage. Money - it's so much about the money. If I move I won't have enough to have my cremation. What will they do with me? My head hurts so bad.

I'm so sorry I know I dump a lot of shit on this site. This is the only place I feel accepted - please forgive me.

is it the moon, or is it just this life, I just started crying when I realized I was actually awake and had not died in my sleep last night

 

[forgotten15]

I know it's extremely hard but please give this new job a try. Maybe things will get better once you start. I know it is not easy seeing the light at the end of the tunel when you are feeling so much pain and have so much emotional bagage, i have been there, in fact I still am. But just try not to let all these thoughts bring you down, I have a feeling the new job will be okay and you'll feel better once you start and won't have to be so stressed about having an income. Stay strong for Sweet Pea, she needs you

 

[StarryStarry]

I know it's extremely hard but please give this new job a try. Maybe things will get better once you start. I know it is not easy seeing the light at the end of the tunel when you are feeling so much pain and have so much emotional bagage, i have been there, in fact I still am. But just try not to let all these thoughts bring you down, I have a feeling the new job will be okay and you'll feel better once you start and won't have to be so stressed about having an income. Stay strong for Sweet Pea, she needs you

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I really need them right now. I'm so negative and in my own head.

 

[Dot]

Am nt abl 2 sy mch 2 hlp 2dy bt am srry u r strgglng Strry

 

[Foresight]

You have a lot on your shoulders so I think it's natural to feel the weight of it all. When we have a big task at hand we have to break it down. If you have one room to clear in your apartment then set that as the goal and feel truly accomplished by its completion. Forget the new job entirely while your mind is under this stress. Try to enjoy that drive over to your new home when the time comes for that.

You've been through so much. I know trauma has its way of screaming at us when we're half asleep first waking up or falling asleep at night. Go extra easy on yourself during those vulnerable times. You know how to be strong. No one could have gone through your circumstances without strength of heart. You have every right to be tired after it all. I hope you get a few moments throughout your day to rest up, get some deep breathes in and allow yourself time to be vulnerable. Feeling low doesn't mean it's the end. It's natural.

 

[StarryStarry]

Am nt abl 2 sy mch 2 hlp 2dy bt am srry u r strgglng Strry

Thank you Dot! I hope you start feeling better!

You have a lot on your shoulders so I think it's natural to feel the weight of it all. When we have a big task at hand we have to break it down. If you have one room to clear in your apartment then set that as the goal and feel truly accomplished by its completion. Forget the new job entirely while your mind is under this stress. Try to enjoy that drive over to your new home when the time comes for that.

You've been through so much. I know trauma has its way of screaming at us when we're half asleep first waking up or falling asleep at night. Go extra easy on yourself during those vulnerable times. You know how to be strong. No one could have gone through your circumstances without strength of heart. You have every right to be tired after it all. I hope you get a few moments throughout your day to rest up, get some deep breathes in and allow yourself time to be vulnerable. Feeling low doesn't mean it's the end. It's natural.

Thank you so much for your words of support. You will never know how much they mean to me.